Heartbreaking: Will (77) had to give up her baby, after more than 30 years she finally got to know him

As an unmarried teenage mother, Will had to give her newborn to Sebille (77).
give up son. She had no choice. The recent apologies of the
Cabinet addresses birth mothers coming up for adoption too late for her: "No one takes
real responsibility.”
Judith Evertse
August 10, 2026
You could hear a pin drop in the packed hall in early July in the
The Hague theater Amare. There, State Secretary Claudia van Bruggen offered
on behalf of the government, apologize for the suffering that Dutch
birth mothers, fathers and relinquished children for almost thirty years
is affected.
For many, the apology felt like recognition, but birth mother Will
van Sebille, who grew up in Eindhoven, believes that
apology came very late. "We have for years at the
government asked for attention and requested apologies, for a long time
without result.”
15,000 women
The 77-year-old Van Sebille is the founder and former chairman of the
The Dutch Birth Mother Foundation (DNA). This foundation
represents the interests of approximately 15,000 mostly unmarried women who
between 1956 and 1984 had to put their child up for adoption under great pressure
give up.
"Everyone was convinced during that period that we were unsuitable and too
were unstable to raise a child,” says Van Sebille at home in
The Hague. The church, social organizations and the government
they all acted according to this ideology.
Parents of unmarried pregnant daughters often went along with this. "There
It is nowhere stated in writing that the surrender of the children in those
The period policy was that of the Dutch government. But it did turn out that way.
out."
Van Sebille was 17 when she was in Catholic Eindhoven in 1967
discovered that she had become unintentionally pregnant by her boyfriend. After
after a doctor's visit she was sent to the Bureau for Maternal Assistance,
where aid workers made it clear that there was only one option: her
The baby had to be removed as soon as possible after birth.
Her own wishes and needs were never taken into account. "I was there
I am convinced that I could indeed be a mother to my baby.
be. I could also receive benefits as a young mother, but that is
never told me.”
I went to Switzerland for the outside world, supposedly because I
had to recover from burnout
Will van Sebille
She was too overwhelmed to oppose the decision. "One day I was sitting
I was still in high school, where I was following the MMS. The other day
I was in the car on my way to an aunt in Switzerland, where I was
was sent to my parents to stay out of sight during the pregnancy
to be. I was a young, unmarried mother. That was a disgrace in
that time, and that had to be hidden, my parents thought too. Everything
The assistance provided was aimed at preserving their status and honor.”
The pretense was kept up to the point of absurdity. "I went for the
outside world to Switzerland, supposedly because I had to recover from
Burnout. They even put me on skis for a nice snapshot,
while I can't even ski.”
A shockwave of happiness
As the due date approached, she went to Leiden, where she in
a host family stayed. Within that family, it was openly discussed about her
pregnancy spoken, causing Van Sebille to for the first time
dared to feel pregnant. "'Something is growing inside me, I don't want that
"Lost!", I wrote to a friend at the time.
From the birth of her son in a Catholic care institution in Leiden
she can barely remember anything anymore. "It was very dark." She was
accompanied by a nun and a midwife. "At one point I heard
The moment the crying of my baby. Then a shockwave of happiness went through me.
through me.”
But even a few minutes of cuddling with her baby was not for her
granted. Her baby, a son, was immediately taken away from her.
I kept walking past those rooms to see if I could find him.
Will van Sebille
Secretly, she still hoped to see him for a moment: "I knew that she
left newborn babies in enclosed rooms for a while longer,
before they were picked up to go to their adoptive families. And
So I kept walking past those rooms to see if I could find him.
Only later did I find out that my son went to immediately after the birth
he was taken to the hospital because he was six weeks early.
born."
Her work? Making cards for baby goods
Her son eventually ended up in an adoptive family as well. Once home
her parents urged their daughter back to the thread of life quickly
to pick up: there was no room for grief and trauma.
Sebille lost not only her child, but also the opportunity to
to finish her school. "Within fourteen days after the birth, she became
I was put to work at a textile wholesaler. Go back to
High school was no longer an option.”
At work, she was bitterly reminded of her motherhood.
“I had to write cards there for baby goods that were coming in... Every
day after day I felt the loss.”
That feeling continued to 'fester' for a long time with Van Sebille. Yet she fought.
She worked her way up and made her dream of becoming a teacher come true.
In the evenings, she obtained her HAVO diploma and followed various courses.
teacher training programs.
At one point, we were both standing with a glass of wine in our hand.
and then I realized: we look alike!
Will van Sebille
She stayed with her son's father and later married him as well.
Together they had two more girls, but the marriage did not last.
Later she told her daughters about their older brother. "I was afraid
that they would react negatively, but my eldest daughter said
immediately: 'Maybe he's a handsome guy?' Then I fell silent from
relief."
My son stayed the whole day right away.
At the age of 50, she finally taught her relinquished son, then 33 years old.
know. Something she is enormously grateful for. Her eldest daughter
eventually brought them together. "He was an 'unknown' at the time
'known' to me. I thought this first meeting was very charged.
would be and that he would only stay an hour.” With a modest
with a smile, she adds: "But in the end, he stayed the whole day."
At one point, we were both standing with a glass of wine in our hand.
and then I realized: we look alike! We even went out for dinner
went, with my daughters too. I saw us all sitting at the table.
and suddenly thought: now my family is finally complete.”
——
Recovery measures fall short
- Heavy criticism of limited access to files:
Representatives of birth mothers and relinquished children believe that
the recovery measures offered by the government fall short. There is
They believe that the needs of victims were not listened to sufficiently.
In particular the continued limited access to all files regarding the
Adoption is a sore point. "In that way, our history is being
kept us away to protect the privacy of other people who in
prevent the files, for example care providers, parents or
clergy. But the interests of relinquished children are greater,” said
Frans Haven, from the Verleden in Zicht (ViZ) foundation, who represents the interests
looks after the interests of relinquished children.
- Limited reimbursement for appropriate psychosocial care:
The government is also not meeting the wishes of Verleden in Zicht.
and Stichting De Nederlandse Afstandsmoeder (DNA) for mothers and
to let children choose appropriate psychosocial help themselves.
Incomprehensible, says DNA Chair Ellen Venhuizen. "We are getting
not even priority on waiting lists in the mental health sector
healthcare. There are very few healthcare providers who have sense.
of this issue, which is very complex. We often have
benefit from help other than that available in regular care.”
- Assistance to involved organizations with file inspection: 'serious'
The foundations DNA and ViZ call it 'serious' that the cabinet is going
examine whether the Child Protection Council professional
can provide assistance with the inspection of the files. Haven: "We
They are quite willing to receive guidance, but certainly not from the Council for the Judiciary. For many
for the victims, that is too painful, because the Council for the Judiciary was one of the perpetrators.”
This organization was involved in the execution of the adoptions.
——
Yet the yearning for recognition of the suffering that her and others suffered remained.
Mothers was affected. Van Sebille sees the cabinet's apologies.
rather as a 'beginning' than as a 'completion' for the birth mothers
and their relinquished children. After all, several requirements are still being met
not fulfilled.
Choose your own help
As a result, psychosocial support outside regular care is still not
reimbursed, but many mothers and children want to decide for themselves what
is appropriate help. "I can tell my story well, I already have that
Done that so often. But then I don't get in touch with my feelings. It helped me.
well to talk about my dreams with a therapist, and more
to follow body-oriented therapies. But I've always had all of that
have to pay for it yourself.”
What also bothers her is that unlimited access to the Council's files.
of Child Protection and other involved agencies due to
privacy rules are still not possible. This is for many children
often the only way to trace their ancestry or for the mothers
to know where their children ended up.
'Surviving' changed into 'living'
The government will look into whether the Child Protection Council and the
FIOM can professionally guide the birth mothers and children
when searching through documents. But: those are precisely the authorities
who were involved in carrying out the adoptions at the time.
To Van Sebille, this feels like patronizing. "The government and agencies
We used to determine what was good for us, and emotionally, that is happening now.
again. No one is really taking responsibility.”
Van Sebille eventually managed to build a bond with her first child.
The guilt and shame remained. Only when she for the first time
every time she became a grandmother, 'surviving' changed into 'living'. "Even though April is, the
The month in which my son was born, still a difficult month
for me. For a year now, I have had a great-grandson who four days after
My son's birthday has been born. Because of that, I have a again
a bright spot this month.”
——
Will van Sebille
- Will van Sebille (77) became a figurehead of the foundation
The Dutch Birth Mother (DNA) whom she together with Barbara
founded Kluijtmans.
- She wrote a book together with Liesje de Leeuw (Opgestaan ​​is plaats)
perished) in which various birth mothers had their say.
- A poetry collection also appeared from her hand, in which she the reader
shares her feelings and experiences as a birth mother.
She is currently engaged in scientific research into the
ask how birth mothers are described in scientific
literature, books, and autobiographies. She is going to write about that subject.
writing a dissertation.
—— See less