Anand's story “Be aware of what seeking is.”

In the life of adopted Anand Kaper (46), there have always been questions about India, the country where he was born. From the age of eighteen until now, he has visited the country eighteen times. He traveled across the country to meet people, get to know the culture and ultimately to find his family. During the first session of the “Getting to grips with the search landscape” process, Anand shares his knowledge and experience with adoptees who are at the beginning of their search: “I had to do everything surrounding my search alone and I would find it very annoying if others did the same. just have to do.”

Anand is a primary school teacher and co-manager of theinterest groupAn interest group or association is an organization that represents the interests of a specific group. Interest groups in the adoption field, for example, serve adoptees from a certain country. DNA India Adoptees. He lives with his family in Apeldoorn, where he has lived almost all his life. Anand was nine months old when he was adopted from India by his Dutch motheradoptive parentsIn Dutch we use many different words for parents after distance and adoption. Everyone uses their own words for these relationships and gives their own meaning and feelings to these words. This means that two people can use the same word in a different way. INEA used a questionnaire to investigate which words we can best use. As INEA, the expertise center for intercountry adoption, we take this into account. We are aware that every word we ultimately choose can have advantages and disadvantages for everyone personally.. “Together with my wife, who is also adopted from India, I have a twelve-year-old daughter and a ten-year-old son,” he says proudly. “For me, the Netherlands feels like home thanks to them, but India now also feels like home. I remember the first time I stepped off the plane in Mumbai, the place where I was born. I felt the warmth, I smelled the scent and thought: 'home'.”

Anand was eighteen when he returned to India for the first time with his adoptive parents: “At home we had a large folder with all the documents and papers related to my adoption. I was always curious about the country I came from. During our first visit to my native country, we mainly came to get to know the country. It was a three-week trip, during which we visited the orphanage in the last five days where I was taken as a six-day-old baby. I have now been to India seventeen times. My wife has been there twice now and I would like to show it to my daughter and son too, but it is a costly undertaking.”

Follow the paper trail

“I always had a great interest in the country of India and I saw a lot during my travels. During my first travels I was not looking for my family. I went from north to south, from east to west, but always ended up in Mumbai. In 2002 my journey was different than usual. Where I normally immersed myself completely in the culture, the people and the country, this time I decided to go to the hospital where I was born on spec. I had found the name of the hospital in my 'large adoption folder'. Without any expectations, I arrived at the hospital, where I told my story to a nurse and a counselor. I was helped kindly and to my surprise there was a birth register that I was allowed to look at. Taking photos was forbidden, so I copied everything by hand. It was a very special discovery, but I decided not to do anything with it.”

When Anand's daughter was born in 2010, things started to bother him again: “My wife's pregnancy was confrontational. There was a feeling of loss. I decided to take out my 'large adoption folder' again and followed the paper trail of information. I looked for answers to the questions I had about my adoption and family. I went to India again and visited the orphanage where I was taken as a baby. The ministry in Delhi had assured me that there should be information there about my mother and the distance she renounced me. There must be a document. The orphanage denies this. And even though the orphanage has all the information, the privacy clause to protect my mother outweighs my right to know who has given up on me. No one can help me with this. It won't work with the information I have. I've tried everything. My search through the papers leads to a dead end.”

A DNA match from an unexpected source

Some years and travels pass when Anand takes a DNA test in 2017: “I decided to submit my DNA to the international database ofFamily tree. To my great surprise I had a match in San Francisco, America. The match turned out to be a second cousin, on my father's side. We came into contact and after visiting Indian relatives he sent me a family tree. After some puzzling we arrived at a man who we suspected was my father. This man was willing to take a DNA test. The next surprise occurred; it turned out he was not my father, but my half-brother. Unfortunately, he did not want any contact after this positive DNA test.”

“The match with my second cousin feels like winning the lottery. As a child, he and his family emigrated from India to America. He tells a lot about my family in India, who are a lot more conservative than he is. I've even seen pictures of my father. I have a lot of contact with my second cousin. I even went to his wedding, where I met more family. This year I will receive it for the first time in the Netherlands. I really have a family.”

Find your way around the search landscape

During the INEA-organised process 'My quest: finding your way around the search landscape in three sessions', Anand tells more about his quest and the influence it continues to have on his life. Anand adds: “I want to make other adoptees aware of the impact, obstacles and possibilities of a search. I want to share practical information that I can tell from my own experience, such as the different ways of searching. Where do you start? And where should you look? What information can you find in the papers and what can you do with a DNA test? When starting your search, it is not just about practical matters. You also have to prepare yourself mentally. It is important to find out why you want to search and when a search is successful for you. Do you realize that every 'answer' may raise new questions.”

When asked for whom the 'My search: getting to know the search landscape in three sessions' is interesting, Anand has a clear answer: “I hope to help adoptees who are hesitant to start searching. Even if you are already in the early stages of your search, the meetings can still be interesting. You can go into it as blank as you want.”

More information about the meeting

The 'My search: getting to know the search landscape in three sessions' consists of three meetings and a number of interim online check-ins. Anand shares his knowledge and experience during the first session on Wednesday, June 14. You can register until June 9. You can read more information hereour website.