In search of mother with an aching heart

Wednesday, Aug 25, 2004

In search of mother with an aching heart

By K. Venkateshwarlu

HYDERABAD, AUG. 24. Thirty monsoons after he was given in adoption to German parents, Arun Dohle has returned to India on a quite an unusual mission, taking an arduous journey back in time, in search of his roots, to be precise, trace his long lost biological mother and siblings.

`Hole' in his heart

Long years, enough one would say, for healing the pain of separation and erasing whatever little childhood memories, especially for those pitch forked into the lap of luxury. But Arun is different and thinks the separation has left an irreparable gaping hole in his heart.

Putting to best use his financial analyst's skills, he wants to probe and rebuild his past. And in coming back to a country of his birth, he also wants to demolish all those myths and stereotypes created by adoption agencies about inter-country adoptions -- that the poor abandoned uncared for child who otherwise ends up begging in streets gets a comfortable home, better life, financially sound and caring parents and an environment conducive for a good career.

Emotional needs

"Yes, I was lucky to have parents who were caring and gave me all the comforts. Yet somewhere, I had this feeling that I am missing something, my country of birth, my mother and what compelled her to give me in adoption, the community and culture. You are often at war with yourself asking tricky questions for which there are no easy answers. Material wealth cannot take care of your emotional needs and your inner feelings. Nor can it buy you happiness," he said candidly in an interview with The Hindu .

Uncooperative ashram

Not much is known about his past, except that he was born in a hospital in Pune in July 1973 and handed over to an "ashram," which in turn gave him in adoption to Micheal and Gertrude Dohle of Aachen in Germany. Undeterred he had made several trips during the last few years, leaving his wife and twin sons for long spells. Every time he tried to get details, he failed, with the hospital and the ashram remained uncooperative. Given the poor maintenance of adoption records and the way they are fabricated, it had been a tough task for him. "I do not know why they are so secretive, when they had no qualms in packing me off to an alien country." But he is hopeful of finding his mother one day. "I just want to see how she looks, meet and help her."

No racial discrimination

How was it growing up in Aachen? "It was generally good and I have not faced any racial discrimination like many others do including, of course some adopted children. But you are constantly made conscious of the fact that you are different, you are adoptive child, you have a different skin and you are an outsider, even if you absorb so well into their society, like I did," he said. Some of the adoptive children he knew, developed suicidal tendencies requiring psychotherapy, unable to cope up with this trauma.

How does he feel coming to India? "It is great and I get this instinctive feeling that I belong to this place and given a choice I would like to settle down here. It would be like getting a part of me, back."

Arun was sad that many of the agencies in Andhra Pradesh turned inter-country adoptions into "a lucrative business." He was dismissive of the way poverty was often cited as a reason for despatching babies abroad. "It is criminal to say the least. If I had faced a similar situation, I would have ended up as a street child. I would rather be that than go through the ordeal of growing up in different country. The next worst thing would have been death. Dying is better than living with a hole in the heart."

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