New Delhi,(Women's Feature
Service) - When Vinita Bhargava thought about adopting a child 16 years
ago, she faced stiff opposition - not from her  family or her in-laws,
but from her own self. She wondered whether she  would be able to love
someone else's child as her own.

Not many people understood why Bhargava adopted a child, especially
since  she already had a child of her own. Relatives wanted to know
whether there  was a difference in her love for her biological son and
adopted daughter.  It was queries like these and a myriad issues related
to adoption that  prompted Bhargava, Head of the Child Development Department, Lady Irwin  College, New Delhi, to wonder why adoption was such a touchy issue.

The book, `Adoption in India: Policies and
Experiences' was born out this  curiosity. Recently published by Sage
Publications, the book combines  academia well with stories of parents
and adopted children and their trials  and tribulations. By examining
some of the issues that impinge upon the  development of an adopted
child in the socio-economic and cultural context,  this book is able to
provide answers to several doubts that arise in the  minds of potential
parents of adopted children.

"The whole book has been a journey of love for me. I think what
every  parent wants to know is whether they have succeeded in becoming
good  parents. The biggest indication of this is whether or not the
child is  happy in being a part of the family. If the answer to this
question is yes,  then, as parents, we've done what we set out to do.
But the answer is not  always in the affirmative. Adopted children may
not always adjust or the  parents may not be able to fully accept the
adopted child," says Bhargava.

Adoption has always been considered a wonderful opportunity
to give a child  a home and parents a child. Statistics show that there
has been a five-fold  increase in adoptions in India in a period
of 15 years. However, despite  the rise in the number of adoptions from a
mere 398 in-country adoptions in  1988 to 1949 adoptions in 2003, the
practice has been shrouded in secrecy.

Bhargava, who researched 53 families, revealed that it was difficult
to  convince many parents of adopted children to narrate their stories
or get  permission to speak to the children. One of the primary reasons
for this is  fear of intrusion by an outsider who could stir a hornet's
nest with  insensitive questioning. This was especially so in cases
where parents had  not yet revealed the adoptive status to their
children. But Bhargava's  status as an adoptive parent opened doors for
her and enabled her to  understand the various dimensions of adoption from the viewpoint of a  social scientist.

Another reason for parental wish for confidentiality stems from a
lack of  supportive documentation to address dilemmas like whether
heredity is more  important than environment. This is because the
subject of adoption has not  been considered important enough for in-depth research in India. However,  the theme of adoption has been a popular subject for films and television,  both of which are powerful instruments of information and misinformation.

Bhargava discovered during her study that more than positive and sensitive  portrayals of adoption,
potential parents tend to remember Hindi feature  films where heredity
problems cannot be overcome by a change of  environment. Parents often
quote the popular film theme of child of a crook  being switched with a
child of a police officer. Here, the child of a  crook, despite being
raised by a police officer, retains criminal  tendencies. The police
officer's child, on the other hand, despite being  raised by a crook, is
honest and law-abiding.

Nevertheless, more couples are coming forward to adopt children. A
close  look at the data on adoptive parents reveals that inability to
have  biological children leads to adoption. It is primarily the
woman's need for  a child that initiates a search. The desire of men to
adopt is rare.  Loneliness, a lack of purpose, the fear of old age
without children are the  reasons given for wanting a child.

Bhargava found during her research that more couples are opting to
adopt  from outside the family. As one of the women interviewed by
Bhargava said,  "My mother-in-law was very keen that I adopt my
sister-in-law's child.  There was a lot of pressure from relatives to
adopt this child. I did not  want to adopt from relatives because they
would always have control over  the child."

But most people who walk into an agency with the notion that several
  children would be shown to them for them to choose are shocked when
only  one child is shown. The agency makes them fill registration forms
stating  their preferences in terms of age, sex and health of a child.
The task of  matching a child with the family is done by the agency.

But this procedure leads to greater tension. According to an
adoptive  parent, they have to continually prove to others that they are
good  parents. Starting from the home study that an agency does; the
certificates  they have to submit; the appearance in court; and all
through the period of  child care - they feel as if they are being
watched and judged on tasks  other parents take for granted and need not
worry about.

This worry apart, even if the agency manages to match a child with
respect  to the preferences stated by the adoptive parents,
compatibility is not  guaranteed. In fact, disclosure of the adoptive
status of the child  sometimes creates great friction and conflict.
Desire to hunt for their  biological parents or a sense of loss is a
natural outcome once children  are told they are adopted. But how do
parents come to terms with these  disturbing developments? What about
the adopted children? How do they cope?  What role can an extended
family or the school play?

These are some of the questions that Bhargava tackles sensitively
with  narratives of adopted children and their parent. By bringing these
fears  out in the open, the book will help other despairing parents
understand  that they were not only ones facing difficult choices. She
also points to  solutions by way of counselling for parents before and
after adoption. Peer  counselling for adopted children and the
formation of support groups of  adoptive parents can also redress some
of the problems.

Over the last decade, although the male child is still preferred,
the  number of families that have registered for a baby girl has gone
up.  Couples who want a male child have to wait for three to four years
while  the waiting period for families who prefer girls is no more than
six  months. However, the notion that fair is beautiful and fair is
class has  impeded the adoption of dark complexioned babies or
those who have flat  noses in the belief that these babies were born to
parents of an inferior  caste and class.

Article Copyright Women's Feature Service.