Adoption brings friends together again ; Boys from India now live in Spokane area, just 40 minutes apart

28 November 2002

   

Adoption brings friends together again ; Boys from India now live in Spokane area, just 40 minutes apart


   
   

       

            The Spokesman-Review (Spokane, WA)
           
             
                   
       
       
       
November 28, 2002 | Kristen Kromer Staff writer

   


   
       
       

       
       
                   

            
                   
            
                   
            

       

       
       
       


   
    

               


                   

It was a simple decision.


Steve and Michelle Gardner would travel to India to bring home
their adopted son.


They initially considered saving money and just meeting the 9-
year-old at the airport. But since John is legally blind, they
thought it would be better to meet on his turf and accompany him to
his new home on Spokane's North Side.


It was one of those simple decisions that cause ripples that turn
into tiny waves that wash over things and change them forever.


By making the trip, the Gardners got to see the orphanage where
John had been living, and got to meet his best friend, Joey.


It was a meeting that likely saved his life.


Because of a genetic blood disorder, Joey probably wouldn't have
lived past age 12 if he had stayed in India. So as the Gardners left
with their new son, they promised the 5-year-old they'd do their
best to find him a family in the United States.


Now Joey not only has a new family and the medical care he needs,
but lives only 40 minutes from his best friend.


"Now they have each other," Michelle said. "Something from their
past to connect them."


By the time the Gardners decided to adopt John from India, they
were quite used to the process. After having two sons and a
daughter, they adopted Rebekah from China and Deborah from Russia.


Then Steve, who is the children and family pastor at Fourth
Memorial Church, thought it would be nice to "even out the family"
with another boy. Michelle agreed, but wanted a non-Caucasian boy so
that Rebekah wouldn't be the only non-Caucasian in the family.


Many countries won't allow children to be adopted by families
with lots of kids, but will bend the rules for special
circumstances, like with John.


John is missing his left eye - probably due to infection, the
Gardners said - and has limited vision in his right eye. He sees
only shadows.


When the Gardners arrived at the orphanage near Calcutta in June
2001 to pick up John, they also met his best friend. The two slept
in the same bedroom, and often the same bed.


As John got to know his new parents, Joey tagged along - a little
bit mad, a little morose.


"He was angry with me because we were talking away his friend,"
Steve remembered.


"But we just fell in love with him," Michelle added.


The Gardners would have snatched him up in a second, but they
knew it would be many months before John's adoption would be final.
Because of that, it would be awhile before they could even start the
process with Joey.


They knew he needed someone sooner than that.


Joey's lifelong blood disorder, called thalassemia major,
requires him to have a blood transfusion every three weeks. In
India, he'd probably live until he was 12. In the United States,
because of easier access to medical treatments, people with the
disease can live into their 30s and 40s.


Glad tears mixed with sad ones as the Gardners left the
orphanage. Michelle looked Joey in the eyes and told him, "I'll try
to find a Mommy for you."


When the Gardners returned to Spokane, they started telling
everyone about John's little friend. They had unintentionally
collected many pictures and lots of video of him while they were in
India, just because he was always by John's side.


Several families fell deep into Joey's dark eyes, but got scared
off when they talked with specialists about his condition.


But Scott and Mary Segalla of Veradale had a different attitude.


"We thought we wanted to adopt, but hadn't thought about a child
with special needs," said Mary, the children's ministry director at
Valley Fourth Memorial. "When we heard about Joey, though, we felt a
tug at our hearts and thought maybe God had a different direction
for us."


After a lot of prayer, the Segallas decided Joey was supposed to
join them as the fourth child of their family.


"It was a leap of faith, but we felt God would provide for us to
deal with his condition," Mary said.


Joey arrived in July.


"I just wanted him to come to the United States," Michelle said.
"To have him be in Spokane is a miracle."


"It feels really good," added John. "It's fun having each other
close again."


John, 10, is now a fourth-grader at Evergreen Elementary School
on Spokane's North Side and Joey, 6, is a kindergartner at Valley
Christian School. It took them each about a month to stretch their
English from a list of domesticated animals to typical elementary-
schooler prattle, tinged with just the slightest melodic accent.


The boys get together often to play. They are all smiles when
they talk about their new families, comparing numbers of brothers
and sisters each have.


Their parents smile too, when they think about all the boys have
brought to their families.


A kindergarten class assignment asked Joey to finish the sentence
"I am thankful for...." His answer was "water."


Mary wondered what he meant until they happened to pass by a
decorative well pump. He pointed to it and said that's where his
water came from in India. And sometimes, he said, it broke.


Not having had anything of his own, Joey also is thrilled with
even the little toys that come in Happy Meals.


"Our other kids see that," Mary said, "and realize how lucky we
are."


The Gardners feel so fulfilled by the children who have come into
their lives through adoption that they started a nonprofit group,
Kingdom Kids Adoption Ministries, to give people the education and
support they need to adopt a child.


"We just want to encourage people to step out of their comfort
zone," Michelle said. "We want to open people's eyes to see how much
we all have, to realize there's more to life."


Another part of their ministry is about changing attitudes.


In India, the Gardners took a taxi with a driver who couldn't
believe they chose John to be their son.


"Why do you want this boy?" the driver asked them. "He won't go
to school, won't get a job, and won't get married."


Michelle didn't miss a beat.


"In America, he can do all those things," she told him.


The Gardners met many people in India with a similar attitude. A
child advocate who argued against the Gardners taking John home, for
instance, thought they must only want to adopt John to be a slave or
an organ donor. Now the Gardners regularly send pictures of John
with his siblings and friends, playing soccer and having fun, to the
orphanage director in India in hopes that word will get out about
the real reason they adopted: love.


"We want to make it easier for the next family who wants to
adopt," Michelle said. "We can't save them all, but for each child
we place in a loving home, we rob the penitentiaries, we rob the
streets. It makes a difference for all of society."


The Segallas are doing their part too. They will welcome another
addition to their family this summer - a 2-year-old girl from the
same orphanage as Joey and John. This time they're hoping to make
the trip to India to pick her up.


Don't be surprised if they come back looking for another mommy.