Family portrait
Family portrait
Purnank has close to 300 members from Pune, Mumbai and across the globe, who stay connected on WhatsApp. The Pune members meet almost every month
A city-based support group for adoptive parents and their children is shaping a new narrative for Indian families
Prospective adoptive parents have all of 48 hours to make the decision to adopt a child who has been referred to them. Often, the medical reports of a referral, as a child who is up for adoption is addressed in legal terms, are not up to date. Taking the all-important decision of bringing a new member into a family without complete clarity on a fundamental issue such as physical or mental health then becomes a challenge. In 2015, the Union Ministry of Women and Child Development decided to change the adoption procedure by authorising the Central Adoption Resource Authority (CARA) to monitor the system instead of letting local adoption agencies to continue controlling the process. While the move was an attempt to make the system more efficient, it meant that local NGOs and agencies were absolved of any role in supporting parents. “I realised then that support from adoptive parents would be helpful and more authentic for those waiting for their adoption to come through,” says Sangeeta Baginwar, a 46-year-old single adoptive mother, who founded Poornank, a forum of, and for, adoptive parents and children. There are close to 300 members in the group from Pune, Mumbai and across the globe, who stay connected on WhatsApp. There are six different groups on WhatsApp, tells us Baginwar, each dedicated to parents at various stages of adoption — from the pre-adoption stage, to a group focused on parents of young children between the ages of 1 and 6, 6–12, 12–18 and 18 onwards, to single parents, and one group of adopted children.
Earlier this month, some members of Poornank and their children met over lunch. “Members from Pune have been meeting almost every month,” says Baginwar, “At the last meeting, one of the concerns that came up was single mothers discussing how to tackle the question, ‘Where’s our father?, from their children.” Baginwar, an education expert, who organises science exhibitions that include robotics and experiential mathematics, says that children are more accepting of other adopted children. “If you tell them that another child doesn’t have a father just as some children don’t have a brother or a sister, they just accept the idea and move on,” says Amita Marathe, another single mother, who adopted a girl with a congenital heart defect who is now completely cured. Baginwar, who is homeschooling her seven-year-old daughter, Nimisha, speaks from experience. “There are some schools that discriminate against adopted children. I used to know a girl who excelled at Bharatanatyam but was not allowed to perform because she was adopted and not doing well academically,” she says. Nimisha was once told at school that she had two mothers. “I believe that nobody except the parents have a right to discuss this aspect of their life with their adopted children, but having said that, if the school wants to raise the subject, then they should be ready to deal with answering any question that the parent or child has for them,” she says, her eyes flashing with anger at the memory.
An integral part of raising an adopted child is having the all-important conversation about her parenthood with her. “We discuss how to positively communicate with the child, in Poornank,” says Archana Tambe Patil, mother to four-year-old Ira. It is ideal to have a chat with a child about her adoption before they turn three, agree both Tambe-Patil and Baginwar. “At age three, they don’t understand a lot of things and yet they absorb so much,” says Tambe-Patil, who works in the commercial department of a public limited company in Pune. Drawing analogies from books such as The Jungle Book and talking about how Mowgli has been adopted by Baloo and Bhageera is one method that has worked with children, adds Tambe-Patil. The other significant question that has to be addressed is that of the birth mother and the adoptive mother. “At no point should parents ever disrespect the biological mother because the child will then resent her and it will lead to further complications,” adds Tambe-Patil, who has begun to explain the concept to her daughter. “I tell her that her tummy mother gave birth to her and that I am her heart mother because she belongs to my heart, so that she is equipped to handle people who tell her that she has two mothers.” The entire vocabulary around adoption should change if thinking has to change. “We don’t use words like orphanage, but call it “the institute,” and instead of saying, “This was the day she was adopted,” we say, “This was the day she came home.” Poornank exists so that parents can leave their anxieties aside and focus on the child,” says Tambe-Patil.
Sangeeta Baginwar, founder of Poornank, with her daughter, Nimisha; PIC: MAHENDRA KOLHE; (right) Tejas Pednekar, an adopted son, is also part of Poornank
Seven years ago, when Baginwar decided to adopt, she was fortunate that her decision was met with no resistance from her family. When Deepa Pande was set to marry, she was met with serious opposition from her future in-laws when her husband Divyanshu and she decided to adopt. “We had already decided that we wanted to adopt,” says the 37-year-old, who adopted a boy 17 months ago and also has a biological daughter named Omna, aged 11. Deepa’s sister, who was extremely upset at the idea of adoption, has developed a loving bond with Deepa’s son, Ryan, over the past year. “My sister now tells me that had she known an adopted child would be so loving, she would have opted for adoption as well,” says Deepa, who is part of Poornank’s core group, “Whether they talk to me or not, my parents want to speak to Ryan every day.” Divyanshu has severed ties with his parents ever since they adopted. “I believe that it’s societal norms and upbringing that has created such a negative mindset towards adoption,” adds Deepa, who is selflessly available to members of Poornank to assuage their fears about a range of issues including how biological children bond with adopted children. “Omna and Ryan have got along amazingly well since the start, so I tell parents that I am an example of how this can work,” she says.
For 23-year-old Tejas Pednekar who runs his own contemporary dance studio in Panvel, accepting that he was as loved as his sister, who was a biological child, took some time. “My parents and I bonded because of Poornank,” says Pednekar, “Poornank has helped my parents turn more frank and discuss things with me.” Pednekar now counsels other adopted children who are members of Poornank. “I don’t think that I faced too many challenges being an adopted child, but one of the biggest questions that adopted children struggle with, is, “Why did our parents give birth to us if they couldn’t take care of us?” So I try to explain that maybe they couldn’t afford raising a child, and they listen to what I have to say because I am one of them,” he says. It all comes back to how the Indian society interprets the concept of adoption. “Adoption is taking responsibility of someone and giving them a better life, but the society labels adopted children as kids that no one wants,” adds Pednekar, who was part of the Indian crew at the World Hip Hop Championship held in Philippines in 2017.
Another inspiring example of an adopted child who has gone on to better the lives of others is 20-year-old Rati Kadu, who is pursuing a Bachelor’s degree in Arts even as she trains to become a Kathak dancer. “My mother had not revealed to me that I was adopted and I got to know from some kids at school. It was very hard for me to digest, but I took a day to get over it,” says Kadu, who sounds extremely level-headed for her age. Kadu counsels other adopted children in Poornank and tells them that there are several kids who are waiting to be part of a family. “I tell them that we are fortunate to have parents who love us,” she adds, “I try to share my experiences with them. While growing up, there were relatives who asked my mother why they chose me when they had the choice to pick a child with a fairer complexion. Now the same relatives ask me how I manage to look so beautiful.”
When the Poornank group met last month, an adopted child who recently got married, narrated her life experiences at the gathering, and expressed her wish to adopt — bringing the cause of the group to a full circle. Poornank, which is Sanskrit for the word integer, a whole number that can be written without a fractional component, lives up to its name. That adopted children make the family whole is a fact that none of the parents will dispute.
Adoption is taking responsibility of someone and giving them a better life, but the society labels adopted children as kids that no one wants
— Tejas Pednekar, 20
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Small talk: The Italian job
By Vidya Unnithan, Pune Mirror | Updated: Jun 10, 2018, 10:39 IST
Small talk: The Italian job
After designing for the Lamborghini family, the couturier plans to launch her label in Delhi, Hyderabad and Dubai.
At the age of 16, when most students are pondering over their future or prospective career choices, Nivedita Saboo knew with certainty that fashion was her calling. For a young Saboo, the introduction to fabrics and styles came from two sources — her mother and a local tailor who had his set up shop on MG Road. Saboo looked up to her mother’s elegant and timeless choices of dressing and inherently acquired a similar taste, which is reflected in her self-titled brand of clothing. “I was inclined towards the creative field since a young age. I knew I did not want to do something ordinary, so when at 16 my parents asked me to shortlist three professions I would like to make a career in, fashion made the top of the list,” says Saboo, adding that commercial arts and architecture were the subsequent choices. Although her father, a marine engineer, was fretting over her choice, he warmed up to the idea when Saboo was accepted at National Institute of Fashion of Technology (NIFT), Delhi. “Things changed when I took my entrance exam for NIFT and stood fourth in the country,” she says. “I am a typical Pune girl, born and brought up here, so when my parents willingly sent me to Delhi all by myself, I knew I had to do something great and make them proud.”
Today, the label Nivedita Saboo Couture is one of the most buzzed about brands in the city and it has an enviable client list with the likes of Kareena and Karisma Kapoor, Deepika Padukone, Maria Pogrebnyak-Shatalova and, more recently, the Lamborghinis from Italy, who manufacture the luxury sports cars. For Saboo, designing for the Lamborghini family was nothing short of a triumph. “When I got a call from one of their managers explaining that the Lamborghini family — Tonino, Ferrucio and Ginerva — would be visiting India to explore business opportunities here and that they had specifically chosen me to dress them for their official parties here, I was beyond excited,” recalls Saboo. She chose to dress the Italian family in designs that would marry the aesthetics of both, the Lamborghinis and Nivedita Saboo Couture. “I did not want to fall into the cliché and dress them in typical, bright Indian kurtas or sarees, so I went with sleek and edgy fashion instead,” she adds. The avant garde outfits designed by Saboo were appreciated by the family who wore them with pride throughout their trip.
Nivedita Saboo
The 38-year-old designer works painstakingly for every client that walks through her doors. “Anyone who wears a Nivedita Saboo outfit should feel edgy, empowered and beautiful. The woman should feel like she is desired and the man must feel like the outfit is his second skin,” says Saboo, who admits that she has come a long way since the inception of her brand 15 years ago. Graduating as a gold medallist from NIFT, Saboo was immediately hired as the creative director of the Arvind brand. “It came as such reinforcement. When I was put in a position where one decision of mine could affect the outcome of 50,000 pieces of shirts, I felt empowered,” says Saboo, who returned to the city in 2002 to set up her own studio, in a flat in Kothurd. “I used to live in one room. The living room was converted into the office and the second bedroom was where the tailor would sit,” says Saboo, adding, “I had my first exhibition in May of 2002 in a studio on Dhole Patil Road, and then my first client and so on.” The first collection showcased western and traditional wear in pastels, and the city’s plush set was in attendance at the exhibition. “The label grew and I got a lot of orders, which is when I realised that I needed a bigger space,” says Saboo, who soon moved her work to her mother’s bungalow.
Today, Saboo has converted a spacious, 5,000 sq ft bungalow in Kalyani Nagar into her couture studio. She is also the proud owner of a flagship store in Mumbai and is planning to launch her label in Delhi, Hyderabad and Dubai. Her designs have been showcased on international ramps, including at fashion weeks in London, Paris and Hong Kong. Saboo credits her success to her parents who had faith in her. “At the time when I was still running the studio from my mother’s house, I had people come in for fittings and they would go into my grandmother’s room to change. Everyone was so happy and positive. The clients would become a part of the family. They would have lunch or dinner, talk to my parents and spend some time at home before leaving,” says Saboo, who continues to ensure that each of her clients goes home feeling a part of the Nivedita Saboo family.
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