INTERNATIONAL ADOPTION: For Mahans, it's all in the family

Sun | Family

By JoAnne Marez, Sun Staff — Nov 15th, 1998

* Parenting has become a family affair for the Mahans of South Kitsap, two couples who have opened their homes and hearts to children from India.

There was something special about the little girl in the adoption newsletter.

"She had this sweet smile," explained Bill Mahan, 63, a former Kitsap County commissioner and current director of Paratransit, "and I just melted. I knew in my heart Yasmin was for us."

But would his wife, Jan, feel the same emotional tug?

After all, the Mahans' contemporaries were planning exotic trips, not shopping for school clothes for a teenager. Jan, 57, had been retired from her job as the calendar clerk for Kitsap County District Court for five years.

With four children and five grandchildren between them, the Mahans had been out of the child- raising game for years.

Bill's son, Monty, and his wife, Sandy, both 41, were just beginning. They already had blonde-haired, blue-eyed Jessica, now 4, and were turning to adoption for more children.

They already had made their decision to adopt Alex, now 3, from India, said Bill, "but they came over and talked to us about it. They made us feel a part of the decision."

Alex then was about 18 months old. When it came time to travel to India to bring him home, father and son decided to go together.

It was a decision that would significantly affect all their lives.

"It was a great time for us to be together," Bill recalled. "We were gone the better part of two weeks, 20 hours on the plane, another six hours on the train to get Alex from the orphanage. We got reacquainted as adults, and it was really a great opportunity."

They encountered a culture so different from their own. Stature alone set them apart.

"Here we were, these two 6-foot guys," Monty recalled. "We were pretty unusual. And the people over there just couldn't get over (the idea) that men were taking this little guy home."

Who would care for the baby? Who would feed him, diaper him?

"You just don't see men taking care of the children in India," Monty said. "Men were astonished we were doing this. So we stood out."

Once Alex was home, Jan helped care for him until Sandy could find a day care slot. And Alex became very close to Nana and Papa, as he calls the senior Mahans.

The adoption was through the World Association of Children and Parents, which specializes in difficult-to-adopt children around the world.

"Everyone wants babies,"Monty explained, "but there are all these wonderful kids who need homes."

Alex, precocious, determined and friendly, had some medical problems, thus reducing his chances of being adopted.

"We just wanted him so bad," said Sandy. "We figured we could handle things, especially since I'm a nurse."

It wasn't easy at first.

"He was terrified on the way home," said Monty, "because he'd never been in a car seat. But Jessica sang to him."

In the orphanage, cribs are close together, and sharing a room with only one other child was a frightening experience.

"He just cried and cried," said Monty. "Then all of a sudden the crying stopped. We looked in and Jessica was holding his hand and singing 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.' She just knew how to comfort him."

Alex has undergone three operations to correct some urinary problems and now is thriving, although he's very small.

It wasn't long until Monty and Sandy decided to adopt another little boy, a blind 4-year-old named Pradeep.

"Sandy thought about it a long time before she mentioned Pradeep to me, but she was convinced we could take good care of him," Monty said. "I was ready. I'd been ready since we brought Alex home."

By then Bill and Jan had begun receiving WACAP newsletters, and that was where Bill discovered Yasmin.

"We were driving home from Bellingham, and Bill asked me how I felt about adopting a little girl," Jan recalled. "It was raining and suddenly it got really quiet. I remember the sound of the windshield wipers going back and forth. I didn't know what to say."

He waited a little bit, then plunged ahead with his ideas.

"Over my cornflakes the next morning, I thought, 'we can do this,' " Jan recalled.

She made a few phone calls and began collecting information on Yasmin, who already had been in an orphanage for several years. Older children, especially females, are tough to place, Bill said.

"I was really excited," Jan recalled, "and then the woman said there was one more thing."

Yasmin had a blood disorder and required blood transfusions every three months.

"My heart didn't even skip a beat," Jan said. "I knew Sandy would help. I thought, 'we can do that.' "

In July, Yasmin came to America.

"It hasn't always been easy," Jan said. "For one thing, they told her we were rich, which we are by their standards. But she wants everything, and we have to say no."

Language, hormones and cultural differences have also presented a few problems, she said, but most are working out.

Yasmin, 13, prances into the room, that dazzling smile lighting up her face.

She loves her brother and sister (Monty and Sandy) and her niece and nephew.

"She wants baby sisters," Jan said, shaking her head. "She's even telling us which ones we should adopt."

"We've stopped looking at the pictures in the newsletter," Bill joked.

Jan home-schooled Yasmin until last week, to give her a chance to adjust.

"I like being an American girl," Yasmin said, laughing. "I love my dancing - funk, like Michael Jackson - and my mommy and daddy. I'm going to go to regular school, too. I love being here."

Shortly after Yasmin arrived, the Mahans got some good news. She does not have a blood disorder; she just carries the trait.

"We think of it as a miracle," Jan said. "We are so blessed."

Parenting has become a family affair.

Monty, who buys right of way for Kitsap County, is attending The Evergreen State College, and the senior Mahans often lend a hand with the younger children.

Before the children arrived, the two couples attended 16 weeks of parenting classes at Christ the Rock Church in Port Orchard.

"After all, we hadn't done this in a long time," Bill said.

Monty and Sandy hope to adopt two or three more children, probably from other countries.

"We could have our own little United Nations," Monty said. "We just love the kids."

"Most of our friends are very supportive of our decision," said Bill, "although we've walked into a room and heard them say, 'Have they gone crazy?' But it just was the right decision. Yasmin's changed our lives."

ADOPTION INFORMATION

* To celebrate National Adoption Month, the Kitsap Adoption Group will sponsor an Adoption Information Fair from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. Nov. 21 at Olympic College.

The event is open to the public without charge and will be held at the Bremer Student Center, 1600 Chester Ave.

For the past decade, the fair has been held in Silverdale, but the college offers larger facilities for more workshops. Organizers plan to have representatives of adoption agencies, attorneys, facilitators and adoptive parents on hand and offer a variety of workshops. Resource material and search and reunion information also will be available. For more information, call (360) 697-2997.

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* To find out more about adopting through the World Association of Children and Parents, call Kim Sadis at (206) 575-4550.

* Another organization involved with international adoptions is Adoption Advocates International in Port Angeles. For information, call (360) 452-4777.

Reach reporter JoAnne Marez at (360) 792-9208 or by e-mail at jamarez@thesunlink.com.

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