From an Adoptee: What I would like Adoptive Parents to know

I was adopted as a young child and as a teenager, I would like to share a few things for adoptive

parents to keep in mind:

1. Remove the taboo:

Adoption should not become a taboo subject around your child or family. A factor that always

hinders the chance of a smooth adoption conversation is that people tend to think of adoption as

a “heavy topic” and something that needs to be discussed behind closed doors. Something I have

personally experienced is that I have always had to think about who I'm talking to before bringing

up the adoption topic in the fear of them taking it in the wrong way. Thanks to right parenting, for

me, talking about adoption is like talking about any other thing. But most often the opposite

person would get uncomfortable and I would have to redirect the conversation to something more

“easy and light”. If adoption is treated as just another way of having a child and does not become

an off limits topic to discuss, your child would be much more comfortable talking about it.

2. Keep the lines of communication open:

Right communication is the building block of any healthy relationship and that applies to

adoptive parents too. Make sure your child is comfortable sharing things and freely speaking his

mind with you. Each child is different and some may take longer to open up. Make sure you let

them know that they are always welcome to pour their hearts out to you without the fear of being

judged.

3. Be the first one to initiate any conversations related to adoption:

More often than not, your child will be scared, nervous or doubtful to initiate questions about his/

her past. I know I was. Although my parents were very vocal about adoption to me, there were a

few things they did not bring up, in the assumption that I will ask about it myself one day. On the

other hand I was reluctant to bring it up in the hope that they might talk about it and I won't have

to go through the whole explanation bit. This becomes a never ending loop and is hard to break

through. Be the first to bring up subjects like their shelter, their life before, the things/people they

miss (friends, family). There is no such thing as “too much information”. Remember that your

child has the right to know everything, so don't hold back. This will give them the confidence and

comfort to talk to you.

4. You cannot control everything:

Even though you are giving your child the best possible life, there can be times when they feel low

and it can be hard to tell what triggered it. Being given up by someone is difficult to process at any

age. Small things like not having baby photos and big things like birthdays may remind them of

things that they have not come to terms with and are not very comfortable with yet. Personally,

there are times when the past catches up and I might feel low for the rest of the day. Know that as

parents, none of this is under your control and all you need to do is hold their hand through it and

let them know that you are there for them.