My Fight For Adoption Rights For Same Sex Couples

I was about 9 years old when I made a startling discovery. I realized I liked women rather than men. Of course, I didn’t know terms like lesbian, gay etc. In fact terms like queer and homosexual also were probably not coined. How did I find out I was gay ? In every movie we watched, I would fall in love with and have a crush on the heroine rather than the hero. I felt protective & wanted to put my arms around her. For eg I drooled over Saira Banu rather than Shammi Kapoor, Sharmila Tagore rather than Rajesh Khanna. Julie Andrews in “Sound of Music” rather than Christopher Plummer, Audrey Hepburn in “Roman Holiday” rather than Gregory Peck. And the list was endless. It seemed the most natural thing – being that way.

Till I realized a few years later that it was considered immoral, bad etc. Of course, to me it was the most normal, natural feeling. And I was ready to fight with anyone who thought otherwise.

Like many women, I always had one dream – to have a child of my own. The only difference between me & other women being that they were married while I was a lesbian woman in a same sex union.

I always had a very strong maternal instinct and wanted a child to love & cherish. The problem was I knew I was never going to marry. And as I grew older and got into a live-in lesbian relationship, I thought well, why not adopt a child instead ? I thought it was a simple matter of applying to an Adoption Agency. Till reality hit.

My partner & I have been trying to adopt a child, unsuccessfully, for the last 10 years. The reason ? The current Adoption Laws in our country do not allow same sex couples to adopt a child, simply because they are not recognised as a “couple” or cannot legally marry according to the prevailing Marriage laws.

Currently, heterosexual couples who are legally married are allowed to adopt a child because their marriage is recognised. But more ironically, the heterosexual couples who are in a live-in arrangement are also allowed to adopt a child. Again, a single woman who is a lesbian is also allowed to adopt a child. But a gay male couple or queer couple in a long-term relationship also cannot adopt a child.

These rules are governed by CARA (Central Adoption Resource Agency) which of course in its turn is governed by the laws of the land. Just because our society frowns upon homosexual & queer relationships, doesn’t mean queer people don’t have the same nurturing instincts that straight, heterosexual people do.

Many gay, queer, & lesbian couples long to cement their union with a child just like any family.

Tragically, the flip side of the story is that there are more than 1,53,827 orphan children who are waiting for adoption. Post Covid, more than 30,000 children have been left abandoned and orphaned and are waiting to find a home. These children may never experience love and caring simply because of an outdated law that isn’t moving with the times.

While the SC in Sept 2018 decriminalized homosexuality, the next important (& logical) step of recognizing same sex marriages is a distant dream. How difficult this next step will be, can be gauged from the fact that the decriminalization of Sec 377 itself took 17 years, despite LGBTQ communities & legal luminaries having fought for these rights & moved the courts for years.

So should gay/ queer people and orphan children have to wait till then ?

Right now, a Parliamentary panel is studying the related issues of adoption rights & same sex marriages of the LGBTQI community. The moot question is, how many years before these laws are changed ? What if many queer people who longed for a child are too old by then ? What about the lakhs of orphaned children who would be without loving families for years ?

As a feisty gay woman myself, these issues have troubled me for years & have become a passionate cause to fight for. For years I had no clue how to go about fighting for my cause.

Till She Creates Change came into my life in 2022. Through this program I learnt the art and science of creating petitions – how to decide on a theme, how to write the petition, which decision makers to approach, and most important, how to use the digital technology/media to promote my campaign, whether it be social media, FB, Twitter, Instagram. She Creates Change gave me a platform from which to launch my campaign petition. And they mentored me throughout. I published my 1st petition on 26th August, 2022 : “Allow lesbian live-in couples to legally adopt a child”. And despite the controversial nature of the subject we got a fair amount of signatures. https://www.change.org/LesbianAdoptionRights

Possibly, one of the most important things I gained was becoming a part of a Community of like-minded women, changemakers campaigning for so many causes, who are there to support you throughout. There is a She Creates Change family which is like your own family.

When I joined She Creates Change, I was a dinosaur with no knowledge of digital technology. But the team & the mentors & alumni have all rallied around to teach me. I actually learnt to use the power of Social Media, the internet, FB, Twitter, Instagram. to reach millions. And I know I am now on a journey where I will launch more causes through campaigns, because there are so many other causes I believe in, so many more battles I have to fight.

My first campaign /petition was, as I said, was to fight for legalizing adoption rights for gay, lesbian women. We stirred up a lot of storm, created some interest where many people got into heated arguments about the subject. What was amazing was the completely divergent reactions we got – from vitriolic comments from the unevolved, patriarchal people who got into heated arguments as to how a “proper family’” was needed for a child. I remember a few people who said “no no, a child needs a father”. A few said ”these are all ideas from the West” (as usual). Some were against the subject but many more were for the cause. One supporter’s comment as to why she was signing my campaign was the best. As she said

“ I am signing because 2 mothers are better than one!”.

As we observe International Women’s Day today, I will continue to keep fighting for our rights and hope this cause reaches millions of people. I’d also like to take the opportunity of thanking She Creates Change for changing my life by empowering me to fight for what is right. Even if it is me against the world !

Please sign my petition: https://www.change.org/LesbianAdoptionRights