Adoption had a major impact on Maartje’s life: ‘I feel most at home in Rotterdam’ – Jade van Beek
Adoption had a major impact on Maartje's life: 'I feel most at home in Rotterdam'
Maartje (41) grew up on the border of Friesland, but was born in India. She was adopted at a young age and this had major consequences for her life. "My adoption was not my choice, decisions were made for me."
Jade van Beek
December 14, 2025
“I often see surprised faces when people see me,” says Maartje. “Then I say with a smile: you were probably expecting a blonde girl who plays hockey? Almost daily I have to explain why I, with such a Dutch name, have dark skin and brown eyes.”
She grew up in a small village on the border of Friesland and Overijssel, but was born in India. She was adopted at the age of two and a half. She has nothing more than a few toddler photos from her presumed stay in Mumbai—India's largest city with over 18 million inhabitants.
It feels strange
“In one of the photos, I see a small, cute girl in a dress, somewhere in a courtyard,” says Maartje. “It feels strange to realize that I am that girl, because I don’t recognize the surroundings at all.”
During Adoption Awareness Month – which annually calls attention to foster families and adoptees worldwide – Maartje shares her story. “I don’t know where or when I was born, who my biological parents are, or why I was given up,” she says softly, while sipping a cup of ginger tea.
It is plausible that I have a Hindu background.
Maartje
What she does know, she got from her adoptive parents, she explains. "When I was adopted, I wore a cord around my belly, a Hindu custom meant to protect newborns. It is therefore plausible that I have a Hindu background."
The cord that is still wrapped around her body two years after her birth eventually grew completely into her skin. "Because of that, I couldn't move properly," Maartje recalls. "Only after it was removed in the Netherlands could I walk normally again."
Medical information from that time is missing. “I don’t know if there are hereditary conditions in my family and what that means for my health. That uncertainty makes me reluctant to go to the doctor. Things that are very self-evident to others are not to me.”
I constantly stood out
A few years before Maartje arrived, her parents adopted her older brother, also from India. “I grew up in a small farming village,” she laughs. “There was one other family living there with two adopted children from India. We were the only people of color. I always stood out and felt like I was constantly being watched.”
As a teenager, she worked in service. “I was routinely asked questions like: ‘Where are you really from?’ or ‘You speak Dutch so well.’ That frustrated me enormously, especially because colleagues never got those questions. I was constantly seen as someone who didn’t quite belong here.”
My parents took care of many people with problems.
Maartje
Life at home wasn't always easy either. “My parents often cared for people with problems. That was beautiful to see, but because of that, I often felt unseen or unheard. I had a greater need for attention and connection, which I missed so much during my early years. It is something that runs like a common thread through my life, and which I describe as the story of my life.”
It still causes sadness and confusion.
Nine years ago, Maartje traveled to India for the first time with her then-partner. The memory makes her laugh: “He stood out as the only white man and had to have his picture taken with people. He found that bizarre. Welcome to my life, I chuckled. That is how I often felt in my village with my dark skin color.”
Already on the second day of her trip, Maartje, her heart pounding with tension, visits the children's home in Mumbai mentioned in her adoption papers. “I hoped that memories would return, or that I would recognize a scent. But that didn't happen. My search for my origins stopped immediately: I was not listed in the home's records. That is how it became clear that my adoption file was incorrect.”
The director said that homes sometimes cooperate in falsifying adoption papers. “I knew this could happen, but it still hurts. It brings sadness, anger, and confusion into my own adoption story.”
I feel most at home in Rotterdam.
Maartje experienced her first real physical recognition two years before her trip to India, on the London Underground. “I wasn’t looking for it and wasn’t prepared for it. It took me by surprise there, among the travelers. In a positive way. For the first time, I saw so many Indian people around me and felt like I was part of a group. I belonged somewhere.”
“People often ask if I feel Dutch or Indian. I feel both, and at the same time neither. That is why I feel most at home in Rotterdam, where I live; here I don't stand out and I can be a global citizen.”
I grew up in a white community and enjoy kale mash.
Maartje
But despite the diverse city, Maartje continues to struggle with her identity. “I grew up in a white community and enjoy mashed kale with a meatball,” she grins. “But I also carry strong Indian DNA: I love curries, colorful clothes, and gold jewelry.”
That struggle reflects Maartje’s deep-seated insecurity about her origins. “Am I the Indian princess who was secretly given up for adoption, or the underprivileged girl from the orphanage? I acknowledge the opportunities and privileges that adoption brought, such as studying and a nice job as a communications professional, but I do not feel grateful. It was not my choice: the decision was made for me.”
Tears in the eyes
With tears in her eyes, Maartje continues her story: “With adoption, it is often not about what you have to leave behind: your country of birth, your culture, the customs you couldn’t take with you. When I look in the mirror, I don’t see my mother’s eyes or my father’s smile. I see only myself — and I am my only point of reference. That sometimes brings with it a deep loneliness, a loneliness that I carry with me being adopted, with my own story.”
"I am not securely attached, and my fear of abandonment seeps through everything: sometimes in my work, in friendships and romantic relationships. The early childhood trauma I carry with me is always present, like a constant undercurrent."
Adoption may only take place if the child's origins can be fully traced.
Because Maartje did not spend her first years of life in safety and with consistent caregivers, but likely in a care home, she learned early on to make herself small: not to take up space, not to be a burden to anyone.
"Now, so many years later, I am actually learning to be present To express my needs and to believe that there is a place for me too. That process is sometimes painful and confusing, but at the same time liberating."
The adopted child must be put first.
Maartje's story is not an isolated case. Over the past decades, the abuses surrounding intercountry adoption in the Netherlands have become increasingly clear. For instance, it emerged that there was exploitation of poverty, child trafficking, and the forgery of documents. The Joustra Commission concluded that the government turned a blind eye to this for years.
The research shows that she was aware of adoption abuses since the 1960s but failed to take responsibility and did not intervene when necessary. It also appears that over 30 percent of internationally adoptees look back on their adoption with mixed feelings, and nearly a quarter sometimes feel abandoned by their biological parents.
Adoption may only take place if the child's origins can be fully traced.
Since 2024, new intercountry adoptions have been suspended. Over the next six years, the government is working on a careful phasing out of the adoption system, because children thrive best in their own country, region, or culture.
Adoptions Top
Maartje is clear about the adoption freeze: “If intercountry adoptions are ever allowed again, it must first be thoroughly investigated how things could have gone so wrong in the past. Adoption should only take place if the child's origins can be fully traced and the child comes first.”
Maartje has a good relationship with her (adoptive) parents, who were unable to have biological children of their own. “In recent years, I have been talking to them more often about my adoption and how it affects me. That sometimes leads to difficult, but mostly beautiful conversations, for example about gratitude. Just recently, my mother said: 'You don't have to be grateful to us. We are actually grateful that you became our daughter.'”
https://www.ad.nl/.../adoptie-had-grote-invloed-op-leven.../