Danish adoptive mother: I was in good faith

Danish adoptive mother: I was in good faith

DR have met adoptive mother to the boy, whose biological mother was lured to disregard adopt her child to Denmark.

AT. 20:49

Written by: Line Gertsen and Ditte Bannor Kristensen

- It is terrible to say, but thank God I did not know it.

How is Lone's reaction when ABC News tells her that the child she now calls her, has a biological mother back in Ethiopia who have felt pressured and persuaded to give his child bort.Lone was told that her adoptivbarns biological mother gave parenthood because of poverty - but nothing that the mother had been exposed to outreach.

In the time before the adoption felt Lone torn from the obvious ethical dilemmas, she saw the adoption.

- Was it okay that my ability to be a mother depended on another mother's accident? They were such things, I asked myself. But I made my choice, because I thought that each child's fate would remain hopeless, though I refrained from adopting, says Lone.

It was also a confidence that the ethical and legal rules would be followed.

- What has happened is a lack of ethics, which I think is very difficult suddenly to be part of, says Lone.

Lacked reports

And the lack of ethics provides the following Lone reflected in the fact that the biological parents have felt pressured or tempted to give up their children for adoption. And also that they have not received information about their children through the reports that adoptive parents have committed to writing.

It was the otherwise clear agreement.

DanAdopt had assured all adoptive parents of Ethiopian children that had control of the situation and that the reports were sent to the local social authorities after the orphanage ENAT Alem was closed.

But when ABC News in February went to Ethiopia to investigate whether the two cases that have filled the media landscape in Denmark, were single condenser, overthrew the stories the lack of follow-up reports and biological parents who said they had felt pressured and tricked into to abandon their children.

Waited in vain

Almaz Girma, as ABC News met in Ethiopia, turned out to be biological mother of Lone søn.Hun is one of the biological mothers who had vainly waiting for news from his barn.Almaz Girma said that she had been promised reports on his life, and that she had been promised that he would come back.

Therefore, she did not dare move from the city, even though she wanted to.

- They asked me if they could catch me here at the address where he grew up. And I said yes, and I did not know how to get in touch with them and tell where I moved to.

But Almaz Girma did not get reports every three months. She heard nothing new.

- They said they would send pictures often. I'm waiting here for him, and I am disappointed that I have not received the report for so long.

Rod in reports is not surprising

At the other end of the world is sitting Lone, for whom it has been keen to ensure that the biological mother knew that her son was all right.

- I am so sorry that Almaz has had to live so long without know about Tobias' fate and well-being. It is not right that she so completely unnecessary, would be exposed to it here, when I have written reports. And I can only imagine that it has helped her grief and given her cause for further doubt, regret and perhaps pity that she did not know about her difficult decision was the right one, says Lone.

It is a great relief for Lone told that Almaz now have some of what she sent to her about Tobias' well-being and development here in DK. For it has been so important to her to get things sent off.

- I am happy and grateful that he just came to me, and I am so sorry that she has been worried about him because he is doing well.

But it's no big surprise for Lone there was mess with the reports:

- I have repeatedly expressed to DanAdopt that I was uncomfortable with, on Tobias' biological mother got reports since the orphanage was closed and they could not tell how mothers were told that they should go to social services for to make reports.

Went to DanAdopt

It got Lone to go to DanAdopt when she found out that the orphanage was closed.

- I was so worried about the situation that I even wrote a letter to her and made a small photo book to her. I asked DanAdopt on whether they would communicate it to me, because I was uncomfortable with making direct contact with Almaz. But the letter has been lost in the mail or at DanAdopt, and I have since been told that they do not have the capacity to take care of the task. I'm disappointed. It is DanAdopt himself, who recommends that you do not have direct contact with the biological parents, and they now know that it is uncertain whether the reports arrive, I actually think that they should acquire the capacity, says Lone.

Open adoption?

The last few days have been full of reflection on what actually happened when Lone adopted Tobias.

- It makes me unhappy if Almaz in no way felt pressured to abandon Tobias for adoption.

- But I assumed, therefore, that the basic ethical rules about my adoption was followed and that the procedure in the donor country was completely independent of conditions in the recipient countries. That my boy would be abandoned by his biological parents and stay at the orphanage, whether there was someone at the other end to adopt him, says Lone.

And it makes her angry that she must be in a situation where the intermediary organizations have not shown what she calls: Namely extraordinary care.

- For starters, one could at least if Denmark as not quite to withdraw from Ethiopia, expect that the intermediary organizations are extraordinarily careful choice of partners, and make an extra effort to comply with not only their own liabilities, but also remedying deficiencies, which the Ethiopian adoption system leaves. For example, by ensuring that the biological families make their choice on a fully informed basis, and that they receive follow-up reports, says Lone.

There remains a lot of work to get Tobias to accommodate the situation that adoption of him, has thrown him out in.

- He is in mourning. He remembers his mother, and he both loves her and hate her for giving him up. We work together to deal with the fact that he makes, and I involve memories of his biological mother as best I can.

A few months ago, when the two talked about Tobias' life in Ethiopia, he asked direct his adoptive mother: "Why would I actually get up here?".

The answer then was that there was no other way out, and that it was because his biological mother loved him so much that she would give him a better life.

- It still stands. I consider it Almaz Girma has made a huge gift of love, and every day I do everything to give Tobias all the best, says Lone.

But the new data also means that there are other considerations in play.

- I need to find out if I have the courage to engage in an open adoption. I've been afraid, if we could wear it all three actually, and Almaz and I was going to fight for him, or that Tobias would be divided. But I am also aware that it is happening now is not right. We live in a globalized world, and the biological parents' feelings and rights must be coordinated with the adoption, and we must find a way where they can participate in these children's lives, she concludes.

Lone's real identity is known DR.

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