Helping Map Out International Adoptions

Publication date: 8 August 1994

By Penny Singer

Aug. 7, 1994

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CONSIDER a day in the life of Lorraine Restivo-Waly. Shortly after her husband, Haidar, and their seven children -- all under the age of 10 -- have departed in the morning, Ms. Restivo-Waly, a psychotherapist in private practice, sees her first patient.

"My office is in my home. We live in a huge loft on 18th Street in Chelsea, so it is not as difficult for me to go to work as it might be," she said. "I see patients until 3, and then I pick up the children at their various schools and we're together until after dinner. Then I have office hours until 9. It's a full day but I seem to thrive on all the activity." Mr. Waly is a computer systems analyst at Mount Sinai Hospital in Manhattan.

Some days are even fuller than others. Ms. Restivo-Waly, who is also a social worker, takes assignments to make home visits to prospective adoptive parents. "It's a state requirement that anyone who wants to adopt must be visited at home by an impartial certified social worker," she said.

The Walys, who have five adopted children of their own, have had firsthand experience with both domestic and international adoption procedures. They first adopted Rachel, now 4, who was born in Texas in 1990. Then a year and a half ago, in quick succession came Anna and Matthew, David and Rebecca. All four children were adopted from the Nyirbator Orphanage, which is in Hungary near the Ukrainian border. The Walys were assisted in all their adoptions by the White Plains law firm of Rosenstock, Lowe & Nichols, specializing exclusively in domestic and international adoption law for 17 years.

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Lucille Rosenstock, the firm's founding partner, also holds a master's degree in counseling. Ms. Rosenstock said the firm, whose principals are all women, is one of only a handful in the country that specialize solely in adoption law.

Ms. Rosenstock, who is in her 60's, has three grown children of her own. She was appointed by the State Department to be a member of the United States Delegation to the Hague Conference's Special Commission on Intercountry Adoption in 1991.

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"Practicing law is actually my third career," she said. "Among other things, I was once a caption writer for Associated Press and a school guidance counselor. But I always wanted to be a lawyer. I was in my 40's when I finally decided to enroll in New York Law School, and when I graduated I went into general practice." A 'Natural' Move

She first got involved with adoption law, she said, "when I helped a nurse I knew find the right family for her newborn infant that she was placing for adoption." Ms. Rosenstock's partner, Suzanne B. Nichols, became a lawyer when she was 38 years old.

Ms. Nichols also holds a master's degree in counseling.

"But the law was always in the back of my mind," she said. "I finally made the commitment and when I received my law degree it was a natural fit for me to go into family law, which led me eventually to adoptions." Ms. Nichols is 44 and has three children.

As the lawyer in the firm who directs the international practice, she travels to Hungary and Ukraine to assist prospective adoptive parents like the Walys with adoptions through orphanages in those countries. This fall she will visit Chinese orphanages. Chinese Girls Available

"We were recently the law firm chosen to handle adoptions with China," she said. "Because of the one-child family rule in China, many healthy baby girls age 6 months to a year are being put up for adoption."

Although the firm's domestic adoption practice is larger than its international practice, Ms. Nichols pointed out that the adoption climate in America is such that international adoptions are gaining in favor.

"Potential adoptive parents are now worried that birth parents might change their mind, or they worry about their financial obligations to the birth mother; such things as paying for medical expenses, legal expenses and some court-approved living expenses," Ms. Nichols said. "There's no such financial involvement with foreign adoptions. And what's more, when parents adopt abroad, they are able to choose the sex of the child."

The children in Hungarian orphanages "are marvelously cared for," Ms. Restivo-Waly said.

"My husband and I were impressed with the continuity of care they receive. And it shows, because our four from Hungary were happy, contented babies who made the transition from a Hungarian orphanage to an American home really easily. Suzanne helped us with our first adoption in Texas and she advised us every step of the way on the procedures of our adoptions in Hungary."

Prospective parents seeking either domestic or foreign adoptions, Ms. Nichols said, are required to be financially responsible, healthy and obligated to submit to fingerprinting for criminal or child-abuse clearance. "The state also requires a house visit made by an impartial social worker," she added. "For international clearance, Federal fingerprint tests are demanded by the National Immigration Service. The process takes about 8 to 10 weeks."

As children become available, Ms. Nichols said, "the Hungarian and Ukrainian orphanages we deal with notify us. Then the parents make a trip abroad together. They are met by a Hungarian facilitator who takes complete charge of them. The first trip, they stay for a week. Three or four weeks later, when the adoption is finalized, one parent will usually make the trip back for the child."

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The cost for all legal fees, including the fees to the orphanage, which vary, and the fees for the translation of documents, run from $900 to $1,500, not including travel expenses, Ms. Nichols said.

"When Suzanne first showed us a picture of Anna, who looks Indian with olive skin, and her description of her," said Ms. Restivo-Waly, "we were hooked My husband and I went to Hungary, met the facilitator and we were surprised at how well organized the whole procedure was. We fell in love with Anna. And sensing our enthusiasm, the facilitator surprised us by telling us that Anna had a sibling a year younger in the next building. So that's how we met Matthew, who was 1 1/2 years old at the time, and he looked very Scandinavian. We discussed it and my husband and I decided that the children should stay together. So we took Matthew." A Big Surprise

The story continues. The Walys spent the week in the orphanage helping the staff feed the babies, then met Polly. "She was Anna's little friend and she was always with us," Ms. Restivo-Waly explained. "One morning just before we were slated to go home, I looked at my husband and he looked at me and we said in unison, 'Why not?' So we told the agency head -- who was quite surprised -- that we'd also take Polly.

"But what happened next was a complete surprise. She told us that Polly was a boy and had a sister, Rebecca, a year and a half younger, in the next dormitory. Well, what happened is that two trips to Hungary later, we had adopted four orphans." Polly was renamed David, who is now 4. Their other children are Allison, 10, and Daniel, 8.

Mr. Waly, 59, and his wife, 48, said their children are no different from those in other families. "They behave toward one another just the way you'd expect siblings to behave," Ms. Restivo-Wally said. "As parents, we have the same problems but we have the same pleasures, too, that you'd find in any large, happy family. We feel we have been blessed."

Countries: Hungary