The 19-year-old abducted man gets involved in a debate about forced abduction

Publication date: 30 April 2021

Nanna Behmer has grown up in a good and loving adoptive family. Still, she believes that all children should have the right to know their biological origins.

At a small country house near Otterup on Funen, just a few kilometers from the north coast of Funen, 19-year-old Nanna Behmer is on her way out to air the family dog.

She has lived here since she was very young, with her adoptive parents and her older brother, who is also adopted.

But even though Nanna Behmer has a loving family and could not wish for a better life, she now chooses to meddle in the debate about forced adoption.

She believes that all children should have the opportunity to know their biological origins. Also the children who are adopted away by force because the parents for various reasons are not considered suitable to raise a child.

But as the rules are today, all contact between parents and child ceases with a forced adoption.

The TV 2 documentary 'Who should be my mother and father?' , which was shown on Thursday on TV 2, followed a mentally handicapped parent couple, who had their newborn son adopted by force.

TV2 PLAY

'Who will be my mother and father?'

The case is an example of a practice that has become more widespread in recent years. With the government's introduction of the Children's Act, the intention is that more socially disadvantaged children will in future be adopted away without the parents' consent.

However, forced adoption is controversial, and there is disagreement among experts as to whether it benefits the child to be removed from his or her biological parents, or whether the child would be better served by having the parents get help to cope with the task.

The urge to mirror oneself

In the case of Nanna Behmer, it was a voluntary adoption when her mother chose to adopt her shortly after the birth.

She always knew she was adopted and her adoptive parents have talked openly with her about it.

Yet the urge to trace her biological origins has always lain in her.

- It will always be deep in one to return to where one belongs. Finding those who are similar to me have the same genes and behave the same way. The thing about finding your identity and where you belong, says Nanna Behmer to TV 2.

Nanna Behmer gets the family dog, Sally, ready for a walk. She is happy with her life with her adoptive parents and big brother who are also adopted. Yet she has always had the urge to seek out her biological parents.

When her Funen parents got her through a closed adoption, she could not even search for her biological mother and father. According to the law, it is entirely up to the adoptive parents whether they will pass on information to the child.

As a teenager, Nanna Lund Behmer was allowed to look at the papers that her adoptive parents had brought with them at the time of adoption. Here she could read a description of her biological parents. It meant a lot to her.

The papers also showed that Nanna had spent the first three months of her life in an orphanage. It was a kind of regret period where her mother could have chosen to keep her anyway rather than adopt her away. However, she did not.

Nanna Behmer at the time had many questions that she would like to ask her mother.

But she could not trace her biological origins until she turned 18 years old.

When Nanna Behmer came of age, it began to fill more and more for her where she came from. For example, the subject was brought to the fore in school when she and her peers had to make a family tree in a biology class.

An assault on the children

In recent years, the number of forced adoptions has increased significantly, and the government wants more vulnerable children to be forcibly adopted before birth. Since the law was relaxed in 2015, 76 children have been forcibly adopted.

If I knew there was someone out there looking for me and wanted me back, it would be absolutely devastating

Nanna Behmer, HF student

The biological parents can apply for contact with the child, but so far no one has been allowed to do so. Only when the child has reached the age of 18 can contact be made if the child so wishes.

ALSO SEE

When the little boy was born, the dilemma arose: Who should be Martin's mother and father?

The purpose of the early forced adoptions is first and foremost to ensure the best interests of the child.

In Nanna Behmer's opinion, however, it is a misunderstood consideration, seen from the child's perspective.

Forced adoption

Forced adoption can be considered if, for example, the parents have massive substance abuse problems or suffer from severe mental illness, and if the problems are permanent.

Last year, a total of 30 children were forcibly adopted in Denmark. In comparison, back in 2016, one forced adoption took place.

The increase can be seen in figures from the National Board of Appeal, and it reflects the effect of two legislative changes that have made it easier for the municipality to adopt a child without the consent of the parents.

In January 2021, a new proposal came from the government with the headline "Children first", in which the Minister of Social Affairs proposes more and earlier forced adoptions.

- I actually think it's a bit awful and an abuse of the kids. I do not think that you put the children in focus when you choose to do so. Because they can not decide for themselves. And the biological parents, why not give them the chance and help them instead of removing the child, she says.

But why do you think it's awful if the child gets a better upbringing somewhere else?

- Because it can be difficult for the child to connect with the parents. If I knew there was someone out there looking for me and wanted me back, it would be absolutely devastating. Although it is a good and proper adoption, it can develop into an identity crisis in the child, which could have been avoided if one had helped the parents, it sounds from Nanna Behmer.

Nanna Behmer herself has had a hard time finding her identity because she did not know her biological roots. In the picture, she is working on an art project at the HF Flow studio, which she is working on. She can morse and paint a sentence in morse codes at the harbor.

Wants greater openness

Nanna Behmer's views are backed by several experts, who believe that greater openness in adoption cases would be beneficial.

- I think that we in Denmark should be inspired by a number of other countries that use open adoptions to a greater extent, ie where there is contact with the biological family, says Rasmus Kjeldahl, who is director of Children's Terms, to TV 2.

According to Rasmus Kjeldahl, it should be every child's right to be able to get in touch with their biological parents.

- It is something universally human that we want to know where we come from. It is part of understanding our own identity. In cases where there is a realistic chance of having a relationship with the biological parents, the child must have the knowledge and resources needed to make contact when the child wants it, he says.

ALSO SEE

More children are being adopted against the will of their parents

Professor of social work, Inge Bryderup, who has researched child placement for many years, also believes that biological parents have a very great significance for placed children.

- In my research, I have seen processes where the child has been placed for most of his childhood, and yet as a young adult, the biological parents mean an incredible amount, says Inge Bryderup and adds:

- Even if it is a child born to developmentally disabled parents who does not have a chance to develop parenting skills, it means something that you know your biological origin.

An important part was to hear why I had been adopted

Nanna Behmer, HF student

Contact with biological mother has given peace of mind

Back at the Funen country house, Nanna Behmer has gained a lot more peace in the past year.

When she turned 18 last year, she was informed of the name of her biological mother with the help of the population register, so she could try to contact her.

- It was incredibly nerve-wracking, the thing about taking the plunge and sending a letter to my mother. After all, there was a risk that I would be rejected again if she did not want contact. But we talked together and I got answers to the questions I had, says Nanna Behmer and continues:

- An important part was to hear why I had been adopted. And it was fortunately because she wanted me to have the best and grow up with a life that she could not give me at that time. And I got that too, a really nice life. So I'm incredibly grateful for that.

When Nanna Behmer turned 18, she was informed via the population register where she was born and what her biological mother's name was. After this, she managed to get in touch with the mother she had never met.

Nanna Behmer's conversation with her mother took place over the phone, and they have not met. In return, they exchanged pictures, and from them they could both see that they resembled each other. Among other things on the nose.

- It was really nice to be able to see and mirror oneself in another person in that way. It has given me answers and a calm for the despair I had before. That there is someone out there that I have contact with, and that I can now identify myself that way, says Nanna Behmer.

There is no immediate prospect of Nanna Behmer and her biological mother communicating with each other again. But the 19-year-old Funen woman is also fully satisfied with the contact they have had.

Countries: Denmark