Sam Bettens about tough adoption process: "We were about to leave with the baby, when the father said: no way"

Sam Bettens (50) has many stories to tell. That much is clear after his episode of 'Het huis'. One of the most poignant is that of a failed adoption, just before Sam and his partner Stef had their first child Charlie. “Suddenly the hospital door opened again and the car seat came out. Without a baby.”

Sam and Stef have two adopted children, Charlie and Jett. Charlie almost hadn't been their first child. “Before Charlie arrived, we had parents change their minds,” says Sam. “We were about to leave the hospital with a baby. We had just talked to the pediatrician, he had given us a bag of baby food and an explanation for the next few days. And we had already fitted our seat in the car.”

Suddenly the door of the hospital room where the parents were, closed. Sam and Stef were in the hallway. “The door opened again and the car seat came out. Without a baby.” With private adoption, a kind of surrogacy, parents can only sign away their rights after birth. They are given a few days to change their mind. In this case, it was the father who opposed the adoption. “The father refused to give the baby to a lesbian couple,” explains Sam. “He said no way. That's heavy."

Sam and Stef went back to the hotel, where the clothes for their baby were ready and the bed was already set up. “We cried all night. We flew home without a baby.”

Indescribable

A little later it was worth it. Sam and Stef even attended the birth of their son Charlie. “We had opted for open private adoption, where you know the birth mother. The delivery was incredible, almost indescribable.” Some very tense days followed, because things could go wrong again. “I think it's perfectly normal for that grace period to exist, but for adoptive parents it's hell,” explains Sam. “We had already slept with Charlie between us for two nights. You really already have a bond. And then you are waiting for that phone call that can change everything.” Fortunately, it turned out well this time.

Jett was there a little later, although things turned out a bit differently. “At Jett they said: decide now because he will be born next week. We were not there when he was born, he was one day old when he came to us.” Jett and Charlie are now both 11 years old. Sam also has two stepchildren, from Stef's previous marriage, and a one-year-old grandchild.