PIETER AND RICARDO WANTED TO ADOPT A BABY FROM THE US, BUT THAT IS NO LONGER POSSIBLE: 'WE ARE BROKEN'

Pieter Verbruggen and Ricardo Alvarez met each other eleven years ago at a birthday party. It's love at first sight. About five years ago they come to the conclusion that they want to start a family and decide to adopt a child.

But that ends in a big disappointment, Pieter tells LINDA.nl.

ADOPT BABY

“We wanted to offer a child who was already born a good future,” he says. “A friend of ours had started an adoption process, which we followed with interest.” They also register themselves as adoptive parents. “As a gay you can only adopt from South Africa, Portugal and the United States. We chose the US, because that is where most children are born that are given up for adoption. It is also the only country where babies are given up for adoption, so it was our only hope for a baby.” They sign up for A New Way . “We went for a child from the US and from the Netherlands.”

The couple registers via the website. A year later they receive a letter asking if they still want to adopt. They want that. That is why an intensive program including a series of courses follows. “A course about having children, about adopting, about parenting. You should not miss a course.”

ADOPTION COURSES

In 2019 they will start with the first in the row in good spirits, but then the corona virus will arrive. “The whole of the Netherlands was down, so our courses were also cancelled. And that while they are extremely important, because after that comes the family investigation. After that you will receive, if all goes well, a permission in principle. With such a permission in principle you can register with an adoption organization and then the process of international adoption can begin.”

But the courses are suspended indefinitely and with it the follow-up process. That is not without consequences, because Pieter and Ricardo would like to have a baby, but they cannot be older than 41 for a baby. “The Child Protection Board had already started our family investigation in order to speed things up a bit.” In 2020 they can continue with the courses, which they successfully complete, and they will be placed on the waiting list at the Child Protection Board. “All they had to do was give us a go and then we could go to America, but there was a lot of backlog due to the pandemic. They had to get rid of this first.”

THE JOUSTRA COMMITTEE

In 2021, the Joustra Committee will present a report on the role and responsibility of the Dutch government in the intercountry adoption of children in the period 1967-1998. Pieter: “ Adoption from America was stopped . The reason: the government believes that the US can take very good care of its own children. Children who have been born and need a new warm home are no longer allowed to go to the Netherlands. Intended parents who have been in the process for years no longer have a chance.”

That's a tough one, because it's their only option. “No babies come from South Africa. No more children come from Portugal at all. Maybe we can adopt a child in the Netherlands, but that chance is nil. It seems to stop here for us. We think that's terrible. We're back to square one. Investing five years seems to have been for nothing. We are broken.”

CHILDREN'S WISH

That hurts, but the couple does not let themselves be known. “We are strong and we have always lived our lives as if there were no children. We are pragmatic and have good contact with the Child Protection Board. They help us. We get the support of friends. We try to accept it and put our energy into alternatives. Then you process the disappointment along the way .”

They are currently investigating the remaining options. “We were recently approached by a lady whose relationship had just ended. She has a wish to have children, wanted to become pregnant with us and suggested co-parenting. We have seriously thought about this and talked about it. In the end we came to the conclusion that we don't know each other well enough. We try to stay true to ourselves. Not suddenly having to make headlong choices because of our desire to have children.”

Foster parenting or surrogacy is also an option. “And we are still on the Dutch adoption list, but few children are put up for adoption here. I hope it will be ok, but we can't do more than hope."