Ontario mother says she's forced to give up adopted child to get him help

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Ontario mother says she's forced to give up adopted child to get him help

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Mary Katherine Keown, QMI Agency

First posted: Friday, December 05, 2014 11:45 PM EST | Updated: Friday, December 05, 2014 11:50 PM EST

Nicole Desmarais shows off a document of a lawsuit she has filed against the Ontario Ministry of Child and Youth Services seeking to have the province cover the cost of treatment for her adopted son, whom she wants to see get specialized care for two severe mental illnesses. (Gino Donato/QMI Agency)

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SUDBURY, Ont. ? An Ontario mother is in an impossible situation. She has been forced to relinquish her parental rights so her child may receive the treatment he desperately needs.

Nicole Desmarais, a family physician with a practice in Sudbury, Ont., has been forced to surrender nine-year-old Niko, a boy she adopted five years ago from Serbia, where he was living in a mental health institution in deplorable conditions that included poor sanitation, little attention or care, and virtually no affection.

She has begun the legal proceedings that will make Niko a ward of the state. Her family is heartbroken but she remains adamant that she had no choice.

"I don't have a choice; it's not a decision," she says. "We have not been given an option."

Between she and her partner, a social worker who specializes in risk assessment, there are seven other children in the home and Desmarais fears for their safety. Niko has already exhibited startling tendencies towards violence.

According to a report prepared in September by Dr. Ajit Ninan, a pediatric psychiatrist with the Ministry of Child and Youth Services, Niko has lacerated the face of one of his sisters; killed a bunny; and molested a two-year-old boy.

He hides knives, scissors and sharp pencils; has threatened to kill a number of people; has bitten adults; and punches, scratches and kicks. He has been known to engage in self-harm and has caused major property damage.

The Children's Aid Society imposed a deadline on Desmarais of Dec. 5 to bring Niko home without any external support. As of that afternoon, Desmarais was working with her lawyer to surrender her rights, rendering her child a crown ward. The situation had become untenable.

"It's very difficult; I'm hoping for a little Christmas miracle," she says. "It's very sad. I was talking to Niko on the phone yesterday and he's pretty insightful. I haven't told him that he's not coming home or that I'm having to give him up, because I'm hoping something will happen, but he said, 'I'm not coming home tomorrow, am I?' and I told him, 'not right now, because nothing's been planned for you to be able to come home,' and that's all I've been able to tell him. He's very, very sad right now."

Desmarais does not understand the logic behind the province's ultimatum ? either surrender the child or bear the entire financial and emotional burden of his care with no government support. As a crown ward, the province will be responsible for Niko's treatment, which is pegged at about $1,000 per day, as well as his basic expenses.

It will cost more for taxpayers to support Niko in an institution than if he were returned home with a care plan. Desmarais believes her son requires specialized treatment for at least two years.

In June she filed a $10-million lawsuit against the Ministry of Child and Youth Services seeking to have the province cover the costs of Niko's treatment and to develop a long-term care plan.

Niko, who has been staying at the Child and Parent Resource Institute in London, Ont., since September, has been diagnosed with two major mental-health disorders: severe reactive attachment disorder, which results in extreme aggression and destructive behaviour; and complex developmental trauma disorder, a psychological condition that results from prolonged exposure to captivity or entrapment, causing social and/or interpersonal trauma.

Niko is believed to have been born to Roma parents and, Ninan notes, he experienced a "lack of adequate emotional needs for comfort, stimulation, affection (and) physical needs" early in his life, as well as "repeated changes of primary caregivers" during his first four years. In essence, he was neglected and repeatedly abandoned.

He also underwent three major surgeries during the first months of his life (possibly without pain medication or anesthesia), before being surrendered to an orphanage in Serbia. From there, he was moved to the mental health institution. Ninan also indicates in his report that at four years of age, Niko had no language skills.

"The best-case scenario is that he receives the residential care that he needs and he stays in our family, and hopefully after a couple years of treatment is showing steady progress and is able to be more and more integrated into our family, and then hopefully can live a normal, productive life," Desmarais says.

"The worst-case scenario is we abandon him -- he's once again abandoned, with no attachment to anyone in this world, and he'll never learn to trust anyone because the one person he trusted -- me -- has abandoned him, as well. His skewed view of the world will continue and he'll end up being a psychopath, severely harming or killing someone, and then he'll be incarcerated."

Without intervention, Desmarais is convinced he will murder someone at some point.

"He will kill, there's no doubt about it," she says.

Despite the troubles and ongoing challenges of caring for Niko, Desmarais is resolute that she loves him.

"Absolutely, who in their right mind would fight for five years if there was no love," she says without hesitation. "We spend more time worrying and planning and fighting for Niko than all our other kids put together."

She pauses for a moment when asked whether she regrets adopting him, but ultimately knows that Niko did not ask to be sick, did not ask to be traumatized, did not ask for the inhumane horrors of his early life.

"Do I regret giving him a chance at a better life? No," Desmarais adds. "He's still my little boy and he's just a little kid. None of this is his fault. He's a survivor."

-- With files from Harold Carmichael

maryk.keown@sunmedia.ca

Twitter: @marykkeown