Amy føler, hun blev købt og solgt som en vare, da hun blev adopteret fra Etiopien til Danmark

Amy feels she was bought and sold as a commodity when she was adopted from Ethiopia to Denmark

When Amy was 15 years old, she found out that you were paying money when adopting a child. She asked, "Isn't it just human trafficking with a finer word?"

She's split. She feels like a man divided into two. Amy Rebecca Steen is Ethiopian, but has lived in Denmark half of her 20-year-old life. Her mother and older sister, her grandfather and the rest of her family live in Ethiopia. Her little sister lives in Næstved at the adoptive family, where she herself lived the first year and a half of her time in Denmark before moving to a foster family because her adoptive parents did not power her.

"When I was 15 years old, I found out that you pay money when you adopt. And I remember I asked if it's not just human trafficking with a finer word? "

Amy and her sister were adopted through the agency DanAdopt in 2009, and in 2013, the agency was deprived of the right to convey adoptions from Ethiopia, because the National Board of Appeal considered that there were doubts as to whether the adoptions were ethically and legally justifiable. Several Ethiopian women told then that they felt pressured to adopt their children.

Amy's mother told her that she was being fooled into adopting her children and that she did not receive updates on her daughters' life in Denmark, as she had been promised. In 2016, Amy's adoption was canceled by a court in Ethiopia, and in 2016 all adoption from Ethiopia to Denmark was stopped.

On Thursday, the documentary film Amys Vilje is premiered, in which director Katrine W. Kjær has been following Amy for five years.

Amy sits at a café in Næstved. She has a black sweatshirt on with a white shirt underneath. About her neck she has silver chains, and her dark brown hair is gathered in a big tuber on top of her head. Her face is slim and the marked cheekbones are sprinkled with dark brown freckles.

When she was 10, she and her 1-year-old little sister were adopted to Denmark. Before that, they had lived in two different orphanages in Ethiopia because Amy's mother was ill with HIV and did not believe she would survive. The big sister Beti was supposed to be adopted with the two sisters, but she was too old and stayed with her mother.

“I can remember everything from that time. At the orphanage we were told that we were going to Denmark and learning, and then we had to go back to our own country and work. You are not told that you must have a new mother and father and that you are obliged to call them mom and dad, ”Amy says.

Or the time she thinks much about her adoptive parents paying money for her.

“I think it's human trafficking. I know that many adoptive parents will say when this is coming out, that it is no nonsense, but it is not. Believe me, I would have been so much better if I had been adopted and no money was paid for me, ”she says.

She does not give much to the attitude that adoptive parents save children from an uncertain destiny in a poor country, because if you want to save children, why not help them to a better life in their own country?

“It's a bit of a bullshit that is about the child's best interests. It's about those who want a child, ”she says.

Amy says that at the orphanage, they were told that they had to keep in touch with their biological mother in Ethiopia and visit her and the rest of the family once a year.

In 2011, conflicts between Amy and her adoptive parents led her to come to a foster family. According to Amy, most of their conflicts were about not calling her new adoptive parents "mother" and "father".

"I think I should have been allowed to decide when to call them mom and dad. With my foster family, it was quite natural to say "Hanne-mother". It was because I felt there was a bond and I attached myself to it, it wasn't because I was going. You can't force a person to love them, ”she says

“I also couldn't speak the language, so I didn't have any way to express myself. So I just said 'Not my mom, Not my dad.' I had my own opinions and opinions, and they were not prepared, they just expected to get a 6-year-old who was right, ”she says.

When Amy was adopted, she was 6 years old on paper, while her real age was 9 or 10 years, she is not quite sure.

She wanted to resume contact with her family in Ethiopia and go there with her foster parents to visit them, but she was denied it by Næstved Municipality and the adoptive parents. When she was in 9th grade, she stepped down to Ethiopia.

“I missed my mother and wanted to do everything to get away. When I got the chance, I just did it, "she says.

She received help from the organization Against Child Trafficking, an anti-adoption NGO working for the adopted and their biological families, to come from South Zealand to Hamburg, from where she flew to the Ethiopian capital Addis Ababa and was received by her mother at the airport.

"It took months before I had so much love that I was full of it," says Amy

When she came to Addis Ababa, she discovered how much of her mother tongue, Amharic, she had forgotten over the years in Denmark. Her family did not speak much English and it led to misunderstandings.

"It was really hard and frustrating not to be able to communicate when you have been waiting for it so long."

She felt that her language had been taken from her because it was so difficult to learn Danish, and because she had no one to talk to in Denmark. When she came to Ethiopia, people talked to her, but she couldn't understand them. When she went out to eat with her family, she had to order the food in English and people thought she was snobby.

"It was part of me that was gone," she says.

Amy has always thought that she would change her name back to her Ethiopian name Tigist Anteneh, and she was annoyed that she was given a new name when she was adopted. But now it can be just as much, for her family also calls her Amy.

“You feel you are being bought and sold as a thing. Then you get a new name, okay, then you get a new country, yes okay. It is strange. You will be another person you will be cleaned and you have nothing to say, ”she says.

She believes it was harder for her to associate with the adoptive parents than it was for her sister because she was so old when she was adopted.

“I was more attached to my country and to my mother than my sister was. I was not ready to sit down and play mom's father and daughter in Denmark, because I didn't want to be a daughter. ”

She explains that her adoptive parents regularly stated that they needed a break from her.

How did it make you feel like they needed a break from you?

“Like one thing again. You buy it, and then you play with it when you are in the mood for it, and if you just need a break, it can come back to the store. I don't know, "she says.

Amy gets quiet. All around us the cafe sums up all the other guests. Amy looks tired. In the film you see how she sometimes gets so overwhelmed and sad that she lies down on the floor or goes to bed. She says she often fell asleep during the filming, and then the director would pack up and send her a text message saying "Thank you for today".

Today, she has it very mixed with adoption. She wished her adoption had gone better. She also knows that many adopted and adoptive parents are doing well together, but she feels split between Ethiopia and Denmark, and she is still exhausted when she has to tell her story.

"Today I can talk about it without falling asleep, but I still get tired of the brain."

In Denmark, all international adoptions today are communicated through DIA, Danish International Adoption. The number of international adoptions in Denmark is decreasing. Where in 2009 497 children came to Denmark through international adoption, the figure last year was down to 79.

The documentary film Amys Vilje premieres on January 24 on TV 2. The film is directed by Katrine W. Kjær, who in 2012 made the film Mercy Mercy - The Adoption's Prize.

Danish:

Amy føler, hun blev købt og solgt som en vare, da hun blev adopteret fra Etiopien til Danmark

Da Amy var 15 år gammel, fandt hun ud af, at man betaler penge, når man adopterer et barn. Hun spurgte, “Er det ikke bare menneskehandel med et finere ord?”

Hun er splittet. Hun føler sig som et menneske, der er delt op i to. Amy Rebecca Steen er etiopisk, men har boet i Danmark halvdelen af sit 20-årige liv. Hendes mor og storesøster, hendes bedstefar og resten af hendes familie bor i Etiopien. Hendes lillesøster bor i Næstved ved den adoptivfamilie, hvor hun selv boede de første halvandet år af sin tid i Danmark, inden hun flyttede hen til en plejefamilie, fordi hendes adoptivforældre ikke magtede hende.

“Da jeg var 15 år gammel, fandt jeg ud af, at man betaler penge, når man adopterer. Og jeg kan huske, jeg spurgte, om det ikke bare er menneskehandel med et finere ord?”

Amy og hendes søster blev adopteret gennem bureauet DanAdopt i 2009, og i 2013 fik bureauet frataget retten til at formidle adoptioner fra Etiopien, fordi Ankestyrelsen vurderede, at der var tvivl om, hvorvidt adoptionerne foregik etisk og juridisk forsvarligt. Flere etiopiske kvinder fortalte dengang, at de følte sig pressede til at bortadoptere deres børn.

Amys mor har fortalt, at hun følte sig narret til at bortadoptere sine børn, og at hun ikke fik de opdateringer på sine døtres liv i Danmark, som hun var blevet lovet. I 2016 blev Amys adoption annulleret af en domstol i Etiopien, og i 2016 blev al adoption fra Etiopien til Danmark stoppet.

På torsdag er der premiere på dokumentarfilmen Amys Vilje, i hvilken instruktøren Katrine W. Kjær har fulgt Amy gennem fem år.

Amy sidder på en café i Næstved. Hun har en sort sweatshirt på med en hvid skjorte indenunder. Om halsen har hun sølvkæder, og hendes mørkebrune hår er samlet i en stor knold ovenpå hovedet. Hendes ansigt er slankt, og de markerede kindben er drysset med mørkebrune fregner.

Da hun var 10, blev hun sammen med sin 1-årige lillesøster adopteret til Danmark. Inden da havde de boet på to forskellige børnehjem i Etiopien, fordi Amys mor var syg med HIV og ikke troede, hun ville overleve. Det var meningen, at storesøsteren Beti skulle bortadopteres sammen med de to søstre, men hun var for gammel og blev boende hos moren.

“Jeg kan huske alt fra den tid. På børnehjemmet fik vi at vide, at vi skulle til Danmark og lære, og så skulle vi tilbage til vores eget land og arbejde. Du får ikke at vide, at du skal have en ny mor og far, og at du er forpligtet til at kalde dem mor og far,” siger Amy.

Billede af Amy Rebecca Steen fra dokumentaren

Da Amy og hendes lillesøster blev bortadopteret til Danmark, blev storesøsteren tilbage ved moren i Etiopien. I dag er de sammen igen i Danmark i forbindelse med filmen. Foto: Stillbillede fra "Amys Vilje"

For tiden tænker hun meget på, at hendes adoptivforældre betalte penge for hende.

“Jeg synes, det er menneskehandel. Jeg ved, at mange adoptivforældre vil sige, når det her kommer ud, at Ej, det er noget sludder, men det er det ikke. Tro mig, jeg ville have det så meget bedre, hvis jeg var blevet adopteret, og der ikke var blevet betalt penge for mig,” siger hun.

Hun giver ikke meget for holdningen om, at adoptivforældre redder børn fra en uvis skæbne i et fattigt land, for hvis man vil redde børn, hvorfor hjælper man dem så ikke til et bedre liv i deres eget land?

“Det er noget bullshit, at det handler om barnets tarv. Det handler om dem, der gerne vil have et barn,” siger hun.

Amy fortæller, at de på børnehjemmet fik at vide, at de måtte holde kontakten til deres biologiske mor i Etiopien og besøge hende og resten af familien en gang om året.

I 2011 førte konflikter mellem Amy og hendes adoptivforældre til, at hun kom i plejefamilie. Ifølge Amy handlede langt de fleste af deres konflikter om, at hun ikke vil kalde sine nye adoptivforældre for “mor” og “far”.

“Jeg synes selv, jeg skulle have haft lov til at bestemme, hvornår jeg gerne ville kalde dem mor og far. Med min plejefamilie kom det helt naturligt at sige “Hanne-mor”. Det var, fordi jeg følte, der var et bånd, og jeg knyttede mig til dem, det var ikke, fordi jeg skulle. Man kan altså ikke tvinge en person til at elske sig,” siger hun.

ANNONCERING

“Jeg kunne jo heller ikke sproget, så jeg havde ikke nogen måde at udtrykke mig på. Så jeg sagde bare 'Not my mom, Not my dad.' Jeg havde mine egne meninger og holdninger, og det var de ikke forberedt på, de forventede bare at få en 6-årig, der makkede ret,” siger hun.

Da Amy blev adopteret, var hun 6 år på papiret, mens hendes rigtige alder var 9 eller 10 år, hun er ikke helt sikker.

Hun ville gerne genoptage kontakten til sin familie i Etiopien og rejse derned med sine plejeforældre for at besøge dem, men hun fik afslag på det af Næstved Kommune og adoptivforældrene. Da hun gik i 9. klasse, stak hun af til Etiopien.

“Jeg savnede min mor og ville gøre alt for at komme afsted. Da jeg fik chancen, gjorde jeg det bare," siger hun.

Hun fik hjælp af organisationen Against Child Trafficking, en antiadoptions-NGO, som arbejder for adopterede og deres biologiske familiers rettigheder, til at komme fra Sydsjælland til Hamburg, hvorfra hun fløj til den etiopiske hovedstad Addis Ababa og blev modtaget af sin mor i lufthavnen.

“Det tog månedsvis, før jeg havde fået så meget kærlighed, at jeg var mæt af det,” siger Amy.

Stillbillede af Amy Rebecca Steen fra dokumentarfilmen Amys Vilje

Som teenager stak Amy af til Etiopien for at være sammen med sin familie. Da hun kom derned, opdagede hun, hvor meget af sit modersmål, amharisk, hun havde glemt. Foto: Stillbillede fra "Amys Vilje"

Da hun kom til Addis Ababa, opdagede hun, hvor meget af sit modersmål, amharisk, hun havde glemt i løbet af årene i Danmark. Hendes familie snakkede ikke meget engelsk, og det førte til misforståelser.

“Det var virkelig svært og frustrerende ikke at kunne kommunikere, når man har ventet på det så lang tid.”

ANNONCERING

Hun følte, at hendes sprog var blevet taget fra hende, fordi det var så svært at lære dansk, og fordi hun ikke havde nogen at snakke med i Danmark. Da hun kom til Etiopien, snakkede folk til hende, men hun kunne ikke forstå dem. Når hun gik ud at spise med sin familie, måtte hun bestille maden på engelsk, og folk troede, hun var snobbet.

“Det var en del af mig, der var væk,” siger hun.

Amy har altid tænkt, at hun ville ændre sit navn tilbage til sit etiopiske navn Tigist Anteneh, og hun er ærgerlig over, at hun fik et nyt navn, da hun blev adopteret. Men nu kan det være lige meget, for hendes familie kalder hende også Amy.

“Du føler, du bliver købt og solgt som en ting. Så får du et nyt navn, okay, så får du et nyt land, ja okay. Det er mærkeligt. Du bliver jo en anden person, du bliver renset, og du har ikke noget at skulle have sagt,” siger hun.

Hun tror, det var sværere for hende at knytte sig til adoptivforældrene, end det var for hendes søster, fordi hun var så gammel, da hun blev adopteret.

“Jeg var mere knyttet til mit land og til min mor, end min søster var. Jeg var ikke klar til at sætte mig ned og lege mor far og datter i Danmark, for jeg havde ikke lyst til at være datter.”

Hun fortæller, at hendes adoptivforældre jævnligt gav udtryk for, at de havde brug for en pause fra hende.

Hvordan fik det dig til at føle, at de havde brug for en pause fra dig?

“Som en ting igen. Du køber den, og så leger du lige med den, når du er i humør til det, og hvis du lige skal have en pause, så kan den komme tilbage på lageret. Jeg ved det sgu ikke,” siger hun.

Amy bliver stille. Rundt om os summer caféen af alle de andre gæster. Amy ser træt ud. I filmen ser man, hvordan hun nogle gange bliver så overvældet og trist, at hun ligger sig ned på gulvet eller går i seng. Hun fortæller, at hun tit faldt i søvn under optagelserne, og så ville instruktøren pakke sammen og sende hende en sms, hvor der stod “Tak for i dag”.

I dag har hun det meget blandet med adoption. Hun ville ønske, at hendes adoption var gået bedre. Hun ved også, at mange adopterede og adoptivforældre har det godt sammen, men hun føler sig splittet mellem Etiopien og Danmark, og hun bliver stadig udmattet, når hun skal fortælle sin historie.

“I dag kan jeg godt snakke om det uden at falde i søvn, men jeg bliver stadig træt i hjernen.”

Herhjemme bliver alle internationale adoptioner i dag formidlet gennem DIA, Danish International Adoption. Antallet af internationale adoptioner i Danmark er faldende. Hvor der i 2009 kom 497 børn til Danmark gennem international adoption, var tallet sidste år nede på 79.

Dokumentarfilmen Amys Vilje har premiere den 24. januar på TV 2. Filmen er instrueret af Katrine W. Kjær, som i 2012 lavede filmen Mercy Mercy – Adoptionens pris.