Husker du Amy? Nu er pigen, der rystede adoptionssystemet, tilbage

Do you remember Amy? Now the girl who shook the adoption system is back

Ten years ago, Denmark was shocked by the story of the adoption child Amy. A new documentary shows how it went since the girl who never really fell. But the film is strongest when it also dares to show that we may not always be able to return to what we come from.

What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family!

The quote, which I saw on a friend's bulletin board, remembered me under the new documentary about Amy Steen, who, against her will, was adopted to Denmark as a 9-year-old. For, of course, it is beautiful to begin world peace by loving the people who brought us here. But it's never that simple.

Amy Steen was born in Ethiopia, but adopted as the biological mother thought she was going to die from AIDS. In Denmark, an adoptive family was ready, but the match was never good, and in time Amy moved to a foster family. It was from here she was removed in 2012, because the adoptive family thought it was best with more "professional frames". I never think I forget the pictures of the pixelated officials holding the screaming and fighting child from the "Adoption Prize".

The story led to a paradigm shift in the Danish adoption system, where today it has been decided that the contact between children and parents also applies to the adopted.

Tonight, TV2 shows a new documentary that shows what happened to Amy.

Want to be mother's child again

"Amy's will" begins with the foster family, helping to establish contact with the mother still living in Addis Ababa, who also later supports Amy's desire to lift Danish adoption. "I want to be my mother's child again," as the girl says. And that wish anyone can understand.

The documentary's sympathy lies unequivocally with the girl and her biological mother, while they struggle through with both politicians and the ombudsman. Perhaps this is also why you do not really dare to approach the most controversial, namely the emotional distances. We see them in crevices, as when Amy finally comes to Ethiopia. She does not master the language, her dress is different. The distance can be measured in the words that come from friends and acquaintances as "why do you not share your prosperity with us? Your iPad. Your iPhone ".

It's hard to be the lost daughter when you're the only one wearing branded clothing.

Half an hour into the movie you might also see the doubt nay Amy herself. Can she ever find her place in the family that she so burned and hard-pressed to be a part of?

A family that was never real

Amy's story is interesting because it shows how wrong it can be when adoptions are too late and on a wrong basis. In this case, the biological family believed that one would keep in touch. But most importantly, it also shows what tragedy it is when, like Amy, you cling to the hope of a "real family" even though it has never actually existed.

The close nuclear family, where the sisters play together in the Ethiopian plains, does not exist. Amy's sister is sent to Lebanon to work as a domestic worker. And when the film ends, Amy herself chooses to stay in Denmark to get the education that her biological parents dream of.

For the truth is, it never gets really good. That Amy will forever be split between the family she was born into and the family that chose her as a 9-year-old. And that tragedy has so many mothers that they can't even be counted. And for that reason, Amy must simply choose to love herself.

"Amy's will" appears on TV2 at 8pm tonight. The film is directed by Katrine W. Kjær

Danish:

Husker du Amy? Nu er pigen, der rystede adoptionssystemet, tilbage

For ti år siden blev Danmark chokeret af historien om adoptionsbarnet Amy. En ny dokumentar viser, hvordan det siden gik pigen, der aldrig rigtig faldt til. Men filmen er stærkest, når den også tør vise, at vi måske ikke altid kan vende tilbage til det, vi kommer fra.

Amy genforenes med sin morfar i dokumentaren "Amys vilje", der sendes på TV2

Onsdag d. 23. januar 2019, kl. 21.06

Del denne artikel

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SARAH IBEN ALMBJERG

Filmredaktør

Hvad kan du gøre for at fremme verdensfreden? Gå hjem og elsk din familie!

Citatet, som jeg så på en venindes opslagstavle, kom mig i hu under den nye dokumentar om Amy Steen, der mod sin vilje blev bortadopteret til Danmark som 9-årig. For selvfølgelig er det smukt at begynde verdensfreden med at elske de mennesker, der bragte os hertil. Men så enkelt er det aldrig.

Amy Steen blev født i Etiopien, men bortadopteret, da den biologiske mor troede, at hun skulle dø af AIDS. I Danmark stod en adoptivfamilie klar, men matchet blev aldrig godt, og med tiden flyttede Amy til en plejefamilie. Det var herfra, hun blev fjernet i 2012, fordi adoptivfamilien mente, at det var bedst med mere »professionelle rammer«. Jeg tror aldrig, jeg glemmer billederne af de pixelerede embedsmænd, der fastholder det skrigende og kæmpende barn fra »Adoptionens pris«.

Historien medførte et paradigmeskifte i det danske adoptionssystem, hvor man i dag har bestemt, at kontakten mellem børn og forældre også gælder de adopterede.

I aften viser TV2 så en ny dokumentar, der viser, hvad der siden skete med Amy.

Ønsker at være mors barn igen

»Amys vilje« begynder hos plejefamilien, hvor man hjælper med at etablere kontakt med den mor, der stadig lever i Addis Ababa, og som også senere støtter Amys ønske om at ophæve den danske adoption. »Jeg ønsker at være min mors barn igen,« som pigen siger. Og det ønske kan enhver vel forstå.

Dokumentarens sympati ligger entydigt hos pigen og hendes biologiske mor, mens de kæmper sig igennem hos både politikere og omdbudsmand. Måske er det også derfor, at man ikke for alvor tør nærme sig det mest kontroversielle, nemlig de følelsesmæssige afstande. Vi ser dem i sprækker, som da Amy endelig kommer til Etiopien. Hun mestrer ikke sproget, hendes påklædning er anderledes. Afstanden kan måles i de ord, der kommer fra venner og bekendte som »hvorfor deler du ikke din velstand med os? Din iPad. Din iPhone«.

Det er svært at være den fortabte datter, når man er den eneste, der er iført mærketøj.

En halv time inde i filmen ser man måske også tvivlen nage Amy selv. Kan hun overhovedet finde sin plads i den familie, som hun så indebrændt og benhårdt insisterer på at være en del af?

En familie, der aldrig var virkelig

Amys hstorie er interessant, fordi den viser, hvor galt det kan gå, når adoptioner sker for sent og på et forkert grundlag. I dette tilfælde troede den biologiske familie, at man ville beholde kontakten. Men vigtigst af alt viser den også, hvilke tragedie det er, når man, som Amy, klynger sig til håbet om en »rigtig familie«, selv om den faktisk aldrig har eksisteret.

Den nære kernefamilie, hvor søstrene leger sammen i de etiopiske sletteområder, findes ikke. Amys søster er send til Libanon for at arbejde som hushjælp. Og da filmen slutter, vælger Amy selv at blive i Danmark for at få den uddannelse, som hendes biologiske forældre drømmer om.

For sandheden er nok, at det aldrig bliver rigtig godt. At Amy for altid vil være splittet mellem den familie, hun blev født ind i, og den familie, der valgte hende som 9-årig. Og den tragedie har så mange mødre, at de slet ikke kan tælles. Og af den grund må Amy blot vælge at elske sig selv.

»Amys vilje« vises på TV2 klokken 20.00 i aften. Filmen er instrueret af Katrine W. Kjær

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