Adoption: a compassionate emergency measure

Baby farms, kidnapped children, corruption: quite a bit has gone wrong in the adoption area. As a result, the process has acquired a negative charge. But is that right? Parent couples talk about their experiences with adoption.

The pastoral couple Maljaars-van Schothorst from 's-Gravenpolder adopted three children: Eline (25), Simon (22) and Christian (16).

How did you end up with adoption?

Rev. Maljaars: “We got married in 1992. After two years it turned out that we could not have children of our own. Before that we had already thought about adoption. We both have a background in education. We love children and were looking forward to being able to do something for others.” Mrs. Maljaars: "We have put this matter before the Lord in prayer, asking if He would show us the way." Rev. Maljaars: “You sometimes hear: if the Lord lays on you the cross of childlessness, may you go a different way? That is very personal. From the beginning we looked forward to the Lord's will to precede us in this. Because you must remain honest about God's guidance in your life: it is not about what we want, but what the Lord wants. In addition, the Lord can open roads, but He can also close them in His wisdom.” Mrs. Maljaars: "Just at that time there was an article about adoption in the GezinsGids that appealed to us. A lecture by Rev. Bac at the adoption association about God's providence in the light of adoption also touched us a lot." Rev. Maljaars: “And at your grandfather's funeral, remember? An uncle closed with the family. Addressing us as grandchildren, he pointed to Genesis 17, which speaks of the covenant God made with Abraham and his posterity. Not only the natives of his house were to be circumcised, but also those bought with money from a stranger, who were not of the family of Abraham. Unexpectedly, we were pointed to this scripture, in which there is a clear line to adoption. At that time, we had shared our plans with few people.

How did the process go?

Rev. Maljaars: “After all the obligatory actions, such as taking a course and getting our papers in order, the question arose which country we should choose. Of course you won't get that on a letter. But you do submit it to the Lord. How did we end up in the Philippines? Unexpectedly, an acquaintance from the adoption association called us the night before we had to inform the adoption mediator in The Hague: “Do you know that the Philippines is open for adoption and that they would like to have Christian adoptive parents there?” so she told. We took this as a clue where to go. In February 1998 the starting procedure for the Philippines started and in July we received the proposal from our daughter.” Mrs. Maljaars: „That was a very special moment, which I will never forget. We were both in front of the class: My husband for 8th grade and I for 5th grade. They called the school with the proposal. At the end of the afternoon, after I had mentioned it to my class, a little boy raised his hand. “Miss,” he said, “shall we now sing: The Philippine, the Tyrian, the Moors? Beautiful right?"

Rev. Maljaars: “In October we traveled to the Philippines to pick up Eline. Simon and Christian followed in 2001 and 2007.”

Was everything legit?

Rev. Maljaars: „All three of our children were already 2 years old when we adopted them. They were given a life book with photos from being a baby until the pick-up time. Their children's report contained all the relevant data: a piece of life history and information about their background. Everything was shared with us through the Wereldkinderen office. At no point in the procedure did we feel that anything was not right. On the contrary, there was openness and transparency.” Mrs. Maljaars: „We also met one of the parents of all three children. We thought it was important to be able to tell the children as much as possible about their background later on. They could ask whatever they wanted to know.”

Have you ever had doubts about the rightness of adoption?

Mrs. Maljaars: „We have come to realize more and more what it means to take a child out of his culture. And also that a child should always be able to stay with his or her mother. Adoption is therefore only a solution if there is no other option.” Rev. Maljaars: “During a lecture on an adoption afternoon, a speaker once put it this way: Adoption is the last merciful emergency measure.” Mrs. Maljaars: „We know that our three children were in an emergency situation. We have seen something of their circumstances in the Philippines: the children were not simply given up.” Rev. Maljaars: “The road after adoption is of course not always easy. We have had very difficult moments as a family, where everything came to a standstill. Adoption issues are complex. But if we look back on the past years, may we say that the Lord has always helped us.” Mrs. Maljaars: „Although the circumstances were difficult, the core has always remained the same for us. Namely that our main motivation for adoption is to bring our children under the Word with the prayer that the Lord will work His grace in their hearts. Over the years, we have often thrown back on that at low points.”

How do you look back on the adoptions after all these years?

Mrs. Maljaars: „We are happy that we have been able to adopt our children. No matter how great the worries were, we love our children very much, all three of them.” Rev. Maljaars: “We have seen that adopted children continue to have something vulnerable when they grow up. At the root of their lives there is something detached. This works more strongly for some than for others. When I went to theological school, I was challenged: How will the children fare if we have to move? If we now look back on the past few years, we have experienced the care of the Lord in going from Kapelle to Middelharnis, then to Meliskerke, and at the beginning of this year to 's-Gravenpolder. This does not mean that everything has gone smoothly with the children. But in difficult moments the Lord has never been ashamed.”

Mrs. Maljaars: "Sometimes the Lord uses deep ways to learn more about Who He is and who we are against it." Rev. Maljaars: “Perhaps difficult situations that occurred in our family should have contributed to learning to be closer to people. A rectory often seems like a perfect family, but if people know that there are also concerns in a pastor's family, it lowers the threshold for coming to you with your own problems. That way we may be able to support others.”

Read the full article about adoption in Terdege. In the article, Martin and Rosanne van Dam and Martijn and Merith Koedood also talk about their experiences.

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