'Bad taste of people who cannot have children and therefore adopt'

Immediately after her birth in Sri Lanka, Sharinda Nathaliya Wolffers (33) was adopted by Dutch parents. This year she saw her biological mother for the first time. "People who can't have children and therefore adopt, give me a bad taste."

“You are not able to take care of your baby, sisters in the Sri Lankan monastery, where I was born, told my mother. You better give your daughter up for adoption.

My mother was not married to my father during the pregnancy. That is really not possible for a poor woman in Sri Lanka, who has little money to live on.

My adoptive mother realized that her happiness meant my birth mother's grief

Sharinda Nathaliya Wolfers

As a ten-day-old baby, I was introduced to my Dutch adoptive parents. They could not have children, but with all their good intentions they adopted and raised me in the Netherlands. Still, my adoptive mother realized that her happiness meant my birth mother's grief.

I grew up in Bergen op Zoom. I was a cheerful child with a good chat. At primary school, the masters and teachers walked away with me. I was at jazz ballet, at music school, I was creative and sporty.

Cheerleader

I lived the life of a Dutch girl. In high school I became a cheerleader with the 010 Trojans in Rotterdam, an American football team. Then I went to rooms. First in The Hague, where I followed a fashion course. Later in Tilburg, where I attended the Art Academy.

There was no lack of attention from boys, although the intentions were not always pure. A friend at the Art Academy told me that he liked me because of my beautiful tan. Another boy thought I was a strong person because I never cried, but he didn't see my pain.

Seven years ago I started digging into my heritage. My mother was 25 when she had me. When I reached that age myself, something started to gnaw at me. I paid a contact person from Sri Lanka to visit my biological mother. He did, but he only sent a photo of her and false information.

Baby brother

The shirt my mother is wearing in that photo has the name of the cleaning company where she works. A phone call to her employer turned up nothing. I did find out that I have a younger brother from the same parents. He has also been given up for adoption.

My sadness, the need to meet my biological parents, I put away

Sharinda Nathaliya Wolfers

Since my contact kept asking for money when I asked for my mother's address, for example, I stopped my first search. My grief, the need to meet my biological parents, I put away. I did not allow the pain of my adoption for years.

When that led to a burnout last August, I knew I had to work with myself. I picked up the search for my family again and met an honest, transparent Sri Lankan through social media, who went to my mother and set up a Facetime conversation.

'Less alone in the world'

On April 27 this year I saw my mother online for the first time. It was like being held up to a mirror. For minutes we sat staring at each other without words. It sounds crazy, but now that I've seen my mother, I suddenly feel much less alone in the world.

Now I want to visit her in Sri Lanka. My mother is almost blind in one eye. She also has problems with her feet. The first thing I will do after arriving in my native country is to visit a doctor with her for an examination. She has no money for that herself.

I want to stay with her for a year. I record every meeting, including the one with my father and grandmother, on film. The search for my adopted brother also begins in Sri Lanka, who can be anywhere in the world. For this I want to raise 25,000 euros through crowdfunding . I want to make a documentary that doesn't stop at the first meeting, like TV shows like Spoorloos , but that continues after the tears.

Who says I couldn't have been happy in Sri Lanka?

Sharinda Nathaliya Wolfers

I also want to explain why I have trouble with the often heard remark that I should be grateful that I grew up in the Netherlands. Of course I am grateful, but who says I couldn't have been happy in Sri Lanka?

As a young girl I always said that I would adopt later, because I know what an adopted child needs. I came back from that. You not only take a child away from his family, but you also pull him out of his culture. Moreover, there is a lot of abuse in the adoption world and therefore also child trafficking.

'Bad taste'

People who cannot have children and therefore adopt, give me a bad taste. 'Then we'll have a nice brownie, won't we?' I heard an acquaintance with a desire to have children say. Not realizing what it means for a colored child to grow up in a white environment. These kinds of issues are reflected in my documentary.

My biological mother is fine with it, as long as I come to her. She can't wait. Like me. She lives in a simple corrugated iron house with a bed, a makeshift kitchenette and a toilet in the garden with a hole in the ground. Still, hopefully it feels like coming home.”