Amy went looking for her biological parents: "We shook hands awkwardly"

27 January 2023

Amy (40) is with Xavier (42). Together they have daughters Sophie (13), Luna (10) and son Bo (8).

“I am a Sunday child; my life has, on myadoptionafter, never known setbacks. And I don't even see my adoption as something negative. My biological South Korean parents could not take care of me because of the economic situation in their country, around 1980. The fact that my Dutch parents, whom I consider to be my real parents, had a place for me in their home and heart, is something that I thank them for. always be thankful.

I was one and a half when I was delivered by plane to Schiphol, accompanied by a supervisor from the adoption foundation. After me, my parents had a biological child, my sister Lisette, but I never had the feeling that there was a difference between us. My parents loved us both equally, from their toes - and still do.

Biological parents

Xavier and I had been together for eighteen years, our kids leading carefree lives in elementary school, when I suddenly began questioning my heritage. Looking at my beautiful, healthy, happy family, I couldn't imagine a mother ever voluntarily parting with it. More and more often, reports came out in the media that many adoptions in my time were not completely kosher, and that information on adoption papers was not always correct. What if my parents had not given me up voluntarily at all?

“When I looked at my beautiful family, I couldn't imagine that a mother could ever voluntarily part with it”

And then there was the genetic aspect. When Luna was diagnosed at the age of fiveasthmagot, which no one in our family or Xavier's family was familiar with, the pediatrician asked logically if it might be on my side of the family. I had no idea. A confrontational moment, because now it was a relatively harmless form of asthma, but suddenly I realized that more serious family ailments could also come to light, and then I had no idea of ??my background.

Birthday gift

I didn't know if I really wanted answers to those questions. But there was no turning back. Now that I was seriously considering finding my biological parents – and therefore my children's biological family – I couldn't turn it off. Maybe I'd open a cesspool, maybe we'd gain valuable family. And maybe my questions would never be answered. Because that was of course also possible.

I had no idea what I was getting into when I sent an email to the adoption foundation with Xavier sitting next to me at the kitchen table saying that I was looking for my parents. Two months later, on Sophie's tenth birthday, I received an email back: they had found my mother. Speaking of birthday presents: my daughter just got a grandmother as a gift. My father passed away at a young age.

“One email that completely changed my existence”

One email that completely changed my existence. "It's that easy," I sneered at Xavier, shocked, happy, terrified, and amazed all at the same time. My birth mother agreed to meet, we heard a month later, and that fall we flew the family toSeoul. My parents went along, with a solemn promise to keep a low profile. It felt illogical to do this without them; without my biological mother and father, my parents would never have had me.

First meeting

The reunion, which felt like a first meeting, was nothing like the scenes you see in TV shows. In a cold room of the adoption foundation we shake hands awkwardly. There were no tears, above all we felt disbelief. About this really happening, not about whether this woman, nearly a head shorter than me, was really my mother. I walked right through Seoul with my husband after her. Grandma andgrandchildren, the little fingers hooked together and all the same determined step. My parents walked beside them, proud as a peacock.

“Grandma and grandchildren, little fingers interlocked and all the same decisive step”

We have already spent a number of holidays together. In the Netherlands, in San Francisco where part of my Korean family lives, and we are planning another trip through my native country. The biological chain has been restored, my family is finally complete.”