Eline and Sander adopted three Hungarian girls: 'I preferred to hug them completely flat'

Eline and Sander decide, when their son is three years old, to start the adoption process for a second one. After six years, the redeeming phone call comes: an adoption proposal is ready for three Hungarian sisters. “I preferred to hug them completely flat, but we held back. It was of course very exciting for them.”

Ten years ago, Eline and her husband Sander were very happy with the birth of their biological son Noah. When he was 1 year old, they tried to have a second child. Unfortunately, they had three miscarriages. “The doctors saw it as bad luck. They expected me to carry another pregnancy to term, but we still decided to stop getting pregnant.”

Eline always dreamed of a big family and one day when she put Noah to bed, she thought that countless children all over the world went to bed without a mom or dad who gives them a goodnight kiss and says 'I love you'. “That touched me. Every child deserves a loving, safe home.” In the end it is a documentary about adoption that is decisive. "We really see it as our mission to give these children a safe, loving home and, as far as we can, take the pain out of their hearts."

When Noah was 3 years old they started the adoption process. The family soon found out that there is a serious shortage of parents who want to adopt several brothers or sisters at the same time, so that children are often separated from each other. “We found that heartbreaking. Adopted children already lose so much.” Thanks to Eline's work experience and their experience with foster care, the family received special permission from the Child Protection Board to adopt several children at the same time.

Tough years

An adoption process is tough. It takes a lot of money and time, and a lot of preparation. For six years this family has worked intensively for their big dream: medical examinations, mandatory information meetings, reading books about adoption, meeting with other adoptive parents to learn from their experiences, a lot of paperwork and intensive discussions with the Child Protection Board.

“Those years were very tough for us as parents, but also for Noah. He was not a happy only child.” The family was so longing for some extra excitement in the house that they did weekend and holiday foster care for three brothers and a brother and sister. “Still, we longed for a family expansion with children who would stay with us forever. Especially when Noah suddenly said sadly, "Mom, I think the adoption agency has forgotten about us." That broke our hearts.”

It took a total of six years before they finally got the call with the adoption proposal from the girls from Hungary. “First, an additional inspection by the Central Authority of the Netherlands had to be done to see whether international adoption was really necessary.” There was no option to give them a good childhood in their own environment and country, says Eline.

These strict conditions are important since critical reports appeared about abuses that had taken place between 1967 and 1997. Intercountry adoptions were temporarily suspended. Hungary is one of the countries where the Dutch will soon be able to adopt children again.

Olivia, Kayla and Sadie

“How welcome they were to us! It was wonderful to prepare their pretty pink rooms, buy them girls' clothes and toys.” To get the three sisters used to the idea, the family sent a booklet with photos. “From us and our house. And also a hug with our perfume on it. That way they got to know us a bit.” If everything is in order, Eline, Sander and Noah can finally meet their three daughters and sisters. “It was so special to finally see them. I wanted to hug them completely flat, but we held back. It was of course very exciting for them.”

Olivia, Kayla and Sadie have now been living in the Netherlands for a year. They speak the language well and are well grounded in the family. “The girls have grown enormously in the past year. They have overcome fears, have become more self-confident, negative behavior fades into the background and a deep bond has really developed between us, Noah and the girls.”

Eline had to get used to taking care of four children. “It is a lot busier at home. We didn't arrange a babysitter yet because we thought it was important that the girls bond well. They were also afraid that we would leave them.” That is why Eline thinks it is very important to build up a good relationship of trust. “I repeat every day that they can stay with us forever and never leave. They realize more and more that we can be trusted.”

Followers want to know everything

Because Eline gets questions about her daughters and the adoption process every day in the supermarket, at school or in the street, she decides to make videos about it on TikTok . In no time she gets over 20,000 followers and hundreds of thousands of views. “It is a surprise that so many people are watching. But I also think it's super fun. The more people I reach, the more families I can help with this.”

In very candid videos she talks about her miscarriages, the adoption process and financing it, and her special family. She also answers questions from followers. “I want to show people what adoption means and teach them how important it is to look at these children with sensitive eyes.” Eline thinks it is important to create openness where there is no openness yet. “Without crossing our boundaries as a family.”

Special reactions

The most special reactions Eline receives are from people who have been adopted themselves or have been in foster care. They really appreciate that she takes away a lot of ignorance about adoption and foster care. “They also get a lot of these difficult questions and like that I answer them for them.” She also receives reactions from followers who have not had a good childhood themselves and say that they hope to become just as good a parent as she is. "You can't give me a nicer compliment."

The mother-of-four has just started her TikTok adventure and wants to share much more about adoption, parenting and bonding, as well as other topics close to her, such as faith. Eline hopes that her videos will provide openness and that followers will better understand what adoption means, so that her children will receive fewer difficult questions in the future, or can say: "Just look at my mother's TikToks."

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