Teachers overlook the needs of adoptees
'In the small classes we had to make a family tree. It was certainly in the best interests of my teacher, but it was really difficult for me,' says 20-year-old Ina Dulanjani Dygaard, who was adopted from Sri Lanka. She calls for more information for professionals about adoption
Ina Dulanjani Dygaard was only 49 days old when she was adopted from Sri Lanka. But even though her stay in her country of origin was short, it remains an important part of her story. It has, among other things, led her to get involved in associations where adoptees can meet.
"It is incredibly important that adoptees have a forum where they can meet and talk to someone who is just like them. We have some stories that many of our 'ordinary' friends may have difficulty understanding because they are about grief, illness and death," says Ina Dulanjani Dygaard.
Many of the conversations are about gaining certainty about where you come from, but the young people also talk about very ordinary things like problems with parents.
"Sometimes adopted teenagers have completely different deep issues with parents, which are about us being abandoned and experiencing culture shock."
– What specific problems have you experienced as an adoptee?
"Even though we are completely normal people, we sometimes encounter challenges that are difficult to tackle. When I was in the lower grades of primary school, for example, you had to tell about yourself, make a family tree and include pictures of your family. It was certainly in the best interests of my teacher, but it was really difficult for me. There are not many teachers who think about things like that, because they consider adopted children to be Danish. But it is problematic that they force the children to decide on their identity very early."
– What is the solution to these kinds of problems?
"It is a good idea to set up a knowledge center so that teachers, educators and other professionals can get advice on how to handle adopted children and their parents. In my world, it would be ideal if it were part of the curriculum for educators to have a section on adoption. There are a lot of adoptees, and many of us need to be handled in a different way than people who were born and raised where their biological roots are."
Everyday racism
– What challenges do you experience for adoptees?
"In everyday life, it's mostly about everyday racism. When I'm sitting on the bus, I can sometimes feel that people choose to sit next to someone else rather than in the empty seat next to me."
– What makes you think people choose you as a passenger on the bus?
"I'm from Sri Lanka, so I'm dark-skinned. I can't know for sure either, it could also be that it's just me interpreting. But that's definitely how I feel. I sometimes feel that I'm not welcome in my own country. But I'm just as much a Dane as anyone else. I'm politically engaged and trying to make a difference, and yet I end up in situations where I feel that I'm not welcomed with the same open arms as everyone else. I don't get the respect and openness that I think I deserve."
– From whom do you experience this everyday racism?
"There are many people who have nothing against people with different skin colors. But there are just some people who exude a certain attitude towards people with different skin colors than themselves. Fortunately, it's not every day that I experience that."
– How have you experienced being adopted?
"I haven't had any major problems with my adoption. But of course it's been difficult sometimes."
In particular, thoughts about the biological family have begun to take on more importance, and in the past year, Ina Dulanjani Dygaard has thought a lot about seeking out her biological family.
"I have my biological mother's full name, a picture of her and the address she lived at when I was born. I also have my birth certificate from the hospital. It's nice to know that I have the opportunity to find them. On Facebook, I recently found my caseworker from Sri Lanka, who was in charge of my adoption. It gives me a really good gut feeling that I at least have something to go by when I want to apply back one day. I plan to go to Sri Lanka in about a year. There's a lot of detective work to coordinate, and I need to save up money first."
The truth must come out.
Ina's seven-year-old younger sister, who was adopted from China, has no trace of her biological family. She has lived in an orphanage and does not have the same opportunity as Ina to return to her roots.
"It changes some things for her. She has to somehow learn to live with the fact that she can never find out where she comes from. So I think it really depends on your individual story, how you experience being adopted."
– Why is it important to know where you come from?
"Because it gives some clarification. It can give some kind of acceptance of the situation. Even if you're feeling good, I think everyone needs to accept the situation. The truth about your background is important. When you get answers about where you come from, you can have peace of mind."
For the same reason, she urges all adoptive parents to make it clear that even though the truth about the children's origins may be harsh and harsh, it is really important for the child to know it.
"I can feel that help is needed to talk about things like this," she says.