A return trip to the country of origin
A return trip to the country of origin
A return trip to your country of origin can be a life-changing experience. Based on the personal stories of adoptees and insights from (still limited) scientific research, we offer a glimpse into what such a return trip can mean for adoptees and the considerations that may play a role.
Reasons to travel back
Adoptees' reasons for traveling back home vary widely and vary from person to person. Some want to get to know the country and its culture better or visit tourist spots. Others seek out places and contacts listed in their adoption records, or hope to reconnect with their first family.
For many, it is also a way to gain more insight into their background and identity – to see with their own eyes where their story began.
In a quantitative study by Santona et al. (2022), 34 transnational adoptees aged 12 to 40 indicated two main reasons for their return journey:
- The need for more information about one's past (such as visiting places where they stayed or meeting people from the past);
- The desire to better understand who they are (such as dealing with the feeling that something is missing).
We recognize these motives in the stories of the adoptees we spoke to:
An Sheela : "In 2016, my adoptive father died unexpectedly. That was a huge trigger for me, causing me to lose myself a bit. It made me consciously think about adoption, and eventually, I embarked on a series of roots journeys.
In 2022, I began the first phase of my roots journey. I decided to search for my family and, above all, wanted to confirm my right to exist: are my papers correct? What information do they have there? Does it match what I have here?
Lisa: "The moment I discovered my adoption was illegal, a primal instinct awoke within me. The feeling that I had to embrace my roots was very intense. But I also wanted to know what had happened: to know the truth, to understand my history."
Noëmi: "Although I pushed my adoption story aside for a long time, I always wanted to go back to China. Last year, it finally happened. We traveled a lot because I wanted to see everything.
This summer I'm going back with my sister. We're going to take Chinese lessons there for two weeks. After that, we'll travel a bit further together. What I like about this trip is that we'll be staying in one place longer. I hope to find more peace now and really experience what it's like to live there.
Timing of the return journey
Unfortunately, there are no clear guidelines or criteria to determine whether you are 'ready' for a return trip.
In our interviewees and conversations with other adoptees, we notice that in practice the timing is mainly determined by (1) the adoptee's wish to return and (2) all kinds of practical considerations .
An Sheela : "From a young age, I'd been deeply interested in India and often wondered about things like: What does India actually mean, and what does it mean to be from there? I was the one who kept saying, 'I want to go back.'"
My parents always put it off, though, because they wanted to travel back with the whole family. But I have a six-year age difference with my younger sister, so it kept getting postponed. Ultimately, I had to wait until I was 23 before I could go back for the first time.
Noëmi: “I think it was always my intention to go back with my adoptive parents and my sister, who is also adopted. But after my parents divorced, it never happened.
I'd planned to leave after graduation because I'd have plenty of time. But then COVID hit. After that, I started working, and it wasn't easy to just be gone for a month. Ultimately, I thought: I'm just going to do it, otherwise it'll never happen.
Lisa: "Before I knew my adoption was illegal, I didn't want anything to do with it and I didn't need to go. Then I found out, and shortly after, I booked my ticket to Brazil."
Preparation
Practical preparation
Return journeys can take various forms . Some adoptees plan everything themselves. Others rely on external support, for example, through:
- general travel organizations
- organizations that specialize in roots travel
- Advocacy organizations for and/or by adoptees that actively participate in local searches. Examples of such organizations include Global Overseas Adoptees' Link (GOA'L.) for Korean adoptees or Des Racines Naissent des Ailes for Ethiopian adoptees.
The exact nature of the planning depends on the reasons for returning. Return trips often include elements of "cultural immersion" (such as museum visits, authentic food experiences, and heritage sites), so that the adoptee gains a better understanding of their cultural background. Sometimes they also include adoption-specific activities (such as meeting former caregivers or reviewing adoption documents) to explore their personal history (Wilson & Summerhill-Coleman, 2013).
Noëmi: "I contacted an agency that organizes roots trips. I also carefully considered whether I wanted to visit the orphanage and my hometown—and I definitely wanted to. My partner came along too. She has an acquaintance who lives in China. We ultimately arranged a lot of practical matters with him, which went very smoothly."
An Sheela: "My very first trip with my adoptive mother was okay. I wasn't thinking about identity at all back then. It was more about curiosity about India. A general introduction.
Later, I actively began my search and prepared and embarked on my roots journey with a friend. The focus was on visiting the orphanage to see what information they already had and what they were willing to share.
That same year, I took another trip. I took my son with me, and we continued our search. I also met a lawyer in that region.
Lisa: "I've been back twice now, two years in a row. The first time, I went without expectations and with an open mind: I let things happen and just take everything in. I wanted to soak up as much as possible. The second time was different. For example, I also wanted a Brazilian passport and wanted to learn the language."
Emotional preparation
Because a return trip can be highly emotional, it's valuable to consider its potential impact beforehand. This might mean, for example, taking time to explore your own expectations : what do you hope to find? What are you afraid of? What if it doesn't work out?
Traveling back often brings confrontations: not only with the local culture—customs, language, etiquette, food—but also with personal questions about origins, identity, and connection. Keeping an open mind and allowing room for unexpected experiences can be helpful.
An Sheela: "Meanwhile, I realize I come from a region where the administration is pure chaos. Achieving anything administratively is almost impossible there. After two or three trips, I realized I hadn't made any progress. So I thought: what can I do? What can I actually get out of these trips for myself? I decided that just spending a week in the region where I came from is a main goal for me. I no longer leave thinking: I have to find my family now. That's simply not realistic. If it ever works out: okay. And if it doesn't, I'll have to accept that."
Lisa: "I would advise everyone not to have too many expectations and to really take it one day at a time. The second time, I had much higher expectations, and not all of them were met. That second trip was much more painful."
Some people find support from professional counselors before, during, and after their journey. Sharing feelings and thoughts with people close to you can also be helpful.
Noëmi : “I mainly reviewed my adoption documents and my parents' photo album from when they were in China. I also talked a lot with friends, colleagues, and family about the journey, which was very helpful. It was incredibly valuable for me to be surrounded by people who sympathized with me and were just as nervous as I was. It was nice to feel heard in that.”
Some adoptees choose to make the return journey in a group, with or without other adoptees, due to a need for recognition (ICAV, 2024; Ponting, 2022; Wilson & Summerhill-Coleman, 2013). This recognition and emotional support can, however, come from travel partners without an adoption history. The adoptees we spoke with, for example, traveled with a partner, friend, or family member. They emphasized that experiencing understanding is important for coping with and processing experiences on the ground.
An Sheela : "Because it was such an emotional rollercoaster for me, my girlfriend stepped in at one point. That was so valuable. Having someone with you who can support you and take over the conversation if it gets too much is absolutely essential. That support was incredibly welcome."
Noëmie : "It's important to be well-supported. So much comes your way, so it's really nice to have someone you can turn to."
After the return trip
Connection and identity
Despite individual differences, research shows that return travel typically evokes positive feelings in adoptees toward their past and birth culture, such as pride and satisfaction in returning to important places (Santona et al., 2022; Wilson & Summerhill-Coleman, 2013).
Noëmi: “I found the visit to the orphanage most valuable, especially because I didn't have any photos of it and my parents hadn't been there either.”
Lisa: "We went to the town hall where my birth certificate was issued. Even though the staff couldn't do anything for me, I'm glad I went. I wanted to see it with my own eyes."
Return trips provide adoptees with an opportunity to learn more about their native country and culture, and contribute to their identity formation by connecting the past and present, thus creating an increased sense of continuity and belonging (e.g., Day, 2018; Lee et al., 2007; Santona et al., 2022; Ponting, 2022; Wilson & Summerhill-Coleman, 2013).
A large proportion of adult adoptees also indicate that return travel has had an important influence on the development of a positive ethnic identity (McGinnis et al., 2009; Song & Lee, 2009; Suh, 2020).
An Sheela: "Meanwhile, I've been able to develop a very close connection with my native country. The travels I've made weren't just about searching for family, but also about reclaiming a lost identity, a sense of belonging. Every time I go back, I can add another piece to the puzzle. Every experience is enriching for me. I see it as a form of therapy."
Noëmi: "There are a lot of prejudices about China, but I found the people there to be incredibly warm and welcoming. It was the first time I truly felt: I feel connected to these people, I feel like I'm from here. The food, the smells... It was just wonderful to be there and truly feel: this is where I come from."
Lisa: "After the first trip back, I suddenly wanted to cook a lot of Brazilian food and listened to a lot of Portuguese and Brazilian music. I really got into it. After the second time, a few months ago now, the intensity has lessened considerably. It's not that I've distanced myself from it; I'm more inclined to let it happen. If I feel like it, I'll do it."
However, identity formation among adoptees remains complex : some may identify with two different cultures, without a real sense of connection to either (Baden et al., 2021; Goss, Byrd & Hughey, 2017; Meyers, 2020).
Noëmi: "My sense of belonging in China was actually what I expected: that I never feel 100% at home here in Belgium, but not completely there either. Especially because I don't speak the language, which makes it difficult to truly connect—which I find a shame. But what I didn't expect is that I felt there: I could have lived here. It's difficult to go to China permanently now, but the feeling lingers."
Lisa : "My cousin came along on the first trip—he was raised bilingual—and he spoke a lot of Portuguese. I let him guide me a bit. He's very sociable and connected with everyone. That made me feel really involved.
The second time, he wasn't there, and I was alone with my current boyfriend, who didn't speak a word of Portuguese. Because of that, I felt completely disconnected from the people. That really makes a difference when you go to a country where English isn't spoken. It definitely has something to do with why that second trip was so disappointing.
Emotional processing
Even after the trip, much can still be released. The journey itself may be complete, but the emotional processing is often a longer process.
Noëmi: "I feel like something has changed since I've been back in Belgium. It affects me more when it comes to adoption, China, or identity.
Now, six months later, I find myself with a strong feeling that I really want to go back. I hadn't expected that. I did think I'd want to go back someday, but now it's a truly deep, inner feeling: I have to go back.
I also notice an undercurrent of sadness rising. It may have always been there, but this journey has made it clearer. There are feelings I didn't really feel before, but now I do. A bit of adoption trauma that has become more tangible.
Lisa: "I think I went in too fast the first time. I felt like I had to catch up on 28 years, that I had to make up for everything I'd missed. I also wanted nothing to do with Belgium. I hated fries and didn't want anything to do with Belgian chocolate. But when I came back the second time, the first thing I ate was fries. Those worlds are blending together a bit more now."
An Sheela: "From the moment I really started my search—that first trip with my girlfriend—it felt like I was completely lost when I got home. Your mind is still in India, but your body is back here. Landing back was incredibly difficult. You're back in the daily routine, but it's on autopilot. It took a long time before I was truly 'here' again.
I still had that problem on the trip afterward, but for a shorter period. And thankfully, it's continued to improve. It's a switch you eventually learn to flip.
Are you considering a return trip and looking for emotional support with questions this brings up? You're welcome to talk to one of our aftercare staff members . Or chat with our buddies !
Text: Helen Duijvene de Wit & Kristien Wouters