Attachment problems in foster care and adoption situations are extra complicated
A secure attachment is of great importance for every child. The attachment of foster and adopted children is under pressure for various
reasons. Adoption expert Dr. Anneke Vinke provides a contribution on this theme at the annual congress on attachment problems.
In anticipation of this, Blik op Hulp interviewed her.
Attachment and trust Relatively many foster and adopted children experience difficulties in attachment.
Vinke explains why that is: “A newborn child gets to know the world through his or her parents.
The parents respond to signals from the child and help the child to regulate himself and give meaning to the world.
A child learns to trust in this reciprocal process of getting used to and bonding to each other. Confidence that someone comes when it
cries because there is hunger, because there is a full diaper, because there is abdominal pain or because it just feels bad for a while.
Also trust that the parent who comes is entirely for the child, can comfort the child and help to calm down. The parent tells in words
what is going on and why it didn't feel right. The child learns to deal with both the emotional inner world and the physical outer world
through the relationship with the parents. The first experiences of availability, care and attention are essential. The child receives
the message that it is welcome in this world, that it can be there and find its own place. That there are people who love the baby and
will always be there in times of stress and tension ”.
Adoption and foster care But what if that is not the case? What if parents can't do this? “Parents cannot be emotionally or physically ready for the child for a
variety of reasons, for example if someone has become unwantedly pregnant. Or if you are raped and this child does not want. If it is
dangerous to have a child because, for example, you are not married or because you are fleeing or pregnant with someone other than your
husband. If you are sick or addicted as a mother. If you are stuck in detention or live on the street or if you live in a war zone.
Many situations are conceivable where it is difficult to attach to your child during pregnancy. Then you may not be able to concern
yourself with your child because you are not yet able to properly arrange your own life. In such situations, a child may be given up
immediately after birth. In countries far away or - but that rarely happens - in the Netherlands. If a child does not have a family,
the agreement is that a family will be sought. Then a search begins that often involves transfers and temporary care.
Every time a new upbringing and attachment relationship is entered into and that is difficult. Certainly until a long-term place has
been found, a child can become very confused by this. There is no continuity, no predictability and that makes the world unsafe ”.
Complicated Relocations and accompanying broken attachment relationships make adoption and foster care complicated. After all,
new experiences build on old ones and if the first experiences in life are not positive, it is difficult to build on that. Vinke:
“Compare it with a tower: if the foundation is not there or is not complete, the chance that you can build it very high is low.
Children who have not been told from the first day, or even better from the moment of conception, that there is someone unconditional
for them, who find them the most beautiful, sweetest, best baby ever, find it difficult to find a safe place in the world place to
experience. It becomes difficult if you were born after a stressful pregnancy in which a mother did not feel safe. Often you also see that
a mother had her own problems, life itself was difficult to cope with, or that there are too many difficult things on the path of parents
so that they cannot be unconditional for a child.
Multiple educators attachment problems adoption anneke vinke Almost all adopted children in the Netherlands were born abroad. They have lived for a long or
shorter time either in a foster home or in a home. This means that they have had several educators. "Research shows that the more
educators, the more difficult to develop a secure model of attachment," says Vinke. “That makes sense, because every educator does
it a little differently and as a small child you get confused easily. What you learn from that, very early, is to survive.
You survive by choosing your own path and doing it yourself, while the intention is that as a child you learn to trust adults
and get to know yourself through them. Many adopted children and foster children like to keep control, we often see self-determining
behavior ”. Check When asked about the areas of life in which attachment manifests itself as a problem, Vinke prefers to turn the question around:
“In which area do you see no problems? The reason for contacting care providers is often behavioral problems, anger or anxiety complaints
or problems at school. But if a child is adopted or grows up as a foster child, you should also always check the attachment development.
Often that is under the problems that we see. Attachment is not immediately visible, but attachment problems are often among those for
which help is sought. There is often a strong desire for control: wanting to do it yourself. That makes it difficult to perform tasks,
assignments at home and at school because then someone else decides what you "have to do". Conflicts arise at home, at school, with friends. "
Incentives Attachment problems are often mistaken for something else. Vinke: “There is often hyperalert behavior: you cannot miss anything.
The world is not safe so you must always be on your guard. Something can happen just like that. Selecting information and incentives is
complicated: it happens that children are busy with everything at the same time. They therefore have a short concentration curve and are
easily distracted. These children often get the ADHD label attached while there is an underlying attachment problem. It may also be that
a child is very withdrawn, seems to move into its own world and makes less good contact. Such behavior resembles autism but is not really
"real" autism. Researchers then speak of "quasi autism."
Socially emotional However, the impact of attachment problems on foster and adopted children is not limited to the way they handle incentives.
"If there are many nasty, traumatic memories, they can come back in dreams but also in daytime images," Vinke continues.
“There are often problems at school: both with learning and social. If your mind is full of memories and you have to do your best
all day to stay in control, it is not always possible to learn new things. Social functioning is often difficult because control
can also play a role there. Children can be bullied with their skin color or appearance. That is complicated. Sometimes you see
separation anxiety, which can manifest itself in claiming behavior towards other children or towards parents. Sleep problems are
also often seen. Just like eating problems, stealing and walking away. With older children we also often see substance use, game
addiction and I can go on and on. In addition, identity questions are also common. Children ask themselves questions such as "who am I?"
And "To whom do I belong?" But questions about culture, ethnicity and country of origin are also common.