NIAMH HORAN
CONCERNS are being raised over the intrusive nature of some sexually explicit queries which are being put to Irish couples during the adoption process.
Couples who have been through the process have complained about being asked about their views on topics such as homosexuality and their sex life before they met their current partner.
Questions which have been asked include 'How do you feel about oral sex?' and 'How do you feel about gay people?'. Some people were even quizzed on their sex life before they met their partner while their spouse was present. This has sparked calls for a review of questions put to couples during the adoption process.
Debbie Deegan, founder of the charity 'To Russia With Love', has called for social workers to be more sensitive when dealing with prospective adoptive couples.
"Social workers need to be much more sensitive about the people they're dealing with. I know some couples have been complaining about the questions and resent some of the things they're being asked. I think one of the biggest hang-ups they have is being quizzed on their sex lives.
"I remember when I was going through the whole process about 10 years ago, I often wondered how relevant some of the questions were and I know my husband refused to answer some of them too.
"But I think in some cases social workers have their reasons. For example, if a couple didn't have any children, they might try and find out if there was a sexual reason behind that. In other words, they are trying to find a chink in the relationship that could impact on the adoption.
"But I would still call for a constant review of the questions that are being asked. It's not a perfect science and I know some of the couples aren't very comfortable with some of the questions being put to them," Ms Deegan said.
"You have to remember that they're also very nervous about getting the baby so they're probably going to give answers they think the social workers want to hear rather than genuine opinions."
However, Marie Creegan, a social worker who assess couples and who has adopted children herself, said that certain questions need to be asked because of the seriousness of the issue.
"It is intrusive and should be. We're talking about the life of a child here. We need to know if the parents are suitable. But I still think that most social workers would consider the feelings of the couple. All I'd want to know about their sex life when I'm conducting my assessments is whether or not they are mutually satisfied because, if not, then the trouble can go into other parts of their relationship," she said.
Creegan advised anyone who feels uncomfortable with the questions being asked to raise the issue with a member of the HSE. "I would say, if you have a problem with the social worker, then say it to them first and, if you still have a problem with the way the interview is being conducted, then go to the line manager."
However, Irish couples hoping to adopt children are facing waiting lists of up to four years because of the lack of children available for adoption. Those living in the Mid-West face a longer wait due to a lack of social workers in their area, while couples living in the East face the shortest waiting times.
Last year, 253 Irish children were adopted, with 191 being adopted by family members and 62 children being adopted outside the family.
In the same year, there were also 403 Irish couples approved for foreign adoptions, with the top three most popular countries of choice being Russia, Vietnam and China.
Deegan has also warned that couples wishing to adopt abroad face a long road before they can take a child home.
"It's a terrifying journey for most couples. First of all, countries like Vietnam and Russia can be very scary when you're visiting areas that are outside the main tourist spots. But it can also an emotional roller coaster. I've seen couples before who would have flown out to collect their child on a particular day, after bringing all the baby clothes with them, only to be told when they arrive that they'll have to come back another day because the court is closed or the judge is on holidays or something like that. So you'd definitely want to be a rock-solid couple going into it because it can be a very stressful situation. The highs and lows of the whole process can be very emotional."
Ms Deegan also said that couples have to be aware of the extra nurturing which adopted children need in the years afterwards.
"It's a big thing to take a child from their own culture and bring them into your home. The child often doesn't turn out to be the 'grateful' child you've expected them to be because the most natural attachment they had in the world [with their mother] has been broken, so they need a lot of nurturing. They will have an 'attachment wound' for a long time to come that needs constant healing," she said.