'Donated' is the core of the adopted child
(A response to five articles about adoption in the Volkskrant from 19 to 30 December 2006)
The core of the article by Saskia Harkema and Jan Smits is very good: they are very aware of the sadness and inevitability of ' being relinquished' and that is the core of adoption for the child. It's a shame that this gets overshadowed by the reference to colonialism. Whatever anyone's motives for adoption, no child wants to be given up . Although the M.Lolkema article 'Unique opportunity' is not known, much research has already been done in which this is demonstrated: among others Nancy Verrier, 1993. From the same year 1993 also dates the 'Hague Adoption Convention' that protects the best interests of the child. puts first. Putting that interest first has proven time and again very difficult.
In his article Paul Vertegaal of Spoorloos also first mentions the pain and humiliation for biological adults of having to give up a child. Giving up, however painful it may be, is active. ' To be relinquished' is passive. Should the child also have those burdens placed on the shoulders of adults? The child is the only one who hasn't had a choice, that it all happens. The child should be at the forefront of opinions about adoption. Even if their adoption is successful and they don't want to undo it, the 'pain of a successful adoption ' can present a lifelong dilemma for the abandoned child, which they continue to struggle with.
Every child that is born deserves parents who wish to have children. There should be no doubt about that wish among adoptive parents. However , the strong desire to have children that is often spoken of by adoptive parents also entails (the risk) that grief must be compensated for this. That is not the interest of an adopted child and should not be on their shoulders.