Vanavond is onze laatste avond voordat Jo, Ric, Madelief, Mees en Robijn Wolf bij ons 2! weken langs komen! We hebben er enorm naar uit gezien (ook naar de nederlandse krantjes en lekkers die ze mee zullen nemen). We zijn met Rivka al de dagen aan het aftellen en Rivka verzint wat ze allemaal met haar nichtjes en neef gaat doen (leeuwen, giraffen, spelen, slapen, knuffelen). Het huis is er klaar voor; 3 bedden geregeld en 2 campingbedjes en voldoende lekkers (rose, bier, cake gebakken, tropisch fruit voor een weeshuis- het is tenslotte vakantie!)
De afgelopen weken hebben ze heeel veel schoenen ingezameld voor het kindertehuis van Esther- de laatste telling die wij hoorden zat rond de 170 paar! Iedereen alvast bedankt voor het meehelpen!! Verder nemen ze nog kleine frutsels mee voor de sloppenwijken en ons vrijwilligerswerk van Good News Centre.
De afgelopen dagen/ weken hadden we bijzonder veel feestjes. Vandaag hadden we een keniaanse bruiloft, van onze begeleider van de adoptie-bemiddelaar hier. De bruid was in het wit, er waren ‘bridesmaids’ in het blauw, er was een kerkdienst met de huwelijksinzegening-vergelijkbaar als bij ons (met wat meer dans, uitbundig gezang). Esther viel tijdens de dienst in slaap en Rivka wilde tussendoor even buiten plassen (zindelijkheidstraining gaat goed!). Na afloop was er buiten onder een aantal witte luifels een groot keniaans buffet- schransen en dansen is aan de kenianen wel besteed! Rivka danste lekker mee!
Sinds september zijn de adoptierechtzaken na het zomer-reces weer hervat, met een wisseling van de wacht qua rechters. Dit houdt in dat alle nederlandse stellen weer aan de bak mogen om hun procedure af te ronden. De nieuwe rechters gaan erg voortvarend en doortastend te werk: het resulteerde in 9 goedgekeurde procedures (waarvan sommige ouders al meer dan 12 maanden bezig waren..brr). Genoeg reden voor feestjes! de adoptierechtzaken zijn alleen op vrijdag- dus elke vrijdag en zaterdag is er nu wel feest! De positieve stemming slaat ook op ons over, want wij komen vanaf november in aanmerking voor onze eerste (van twee) rechtzaken. Onze hoop is dat we voor de kerst de ene kunnen hebben en na het kerst-reces de andere. Als de rechtzitting goed gaat, moet er voor Esther nog een keniaans paspoort geregeld worden en kunnen we 3-6 weken later naar huis (medio februari/maart?)!
Vorige week hebben we met ca 100 andere nederlanders drie oktober gevierd- hutspot, klapstuk, worst en verse haring! Haiko en ik hadden voor het eerst oppas-dus het was voor de meiden nog even onwennig. Als klap op de vuurpijl heeft het die avond voor het eerst sinds een jaar keihard geregend! Iedereen hier was door het dolle heen- mensen gingen dansen in de regen! Onderweg zorgde dit nog wel voor wat verkeersopstoppingen- de hele stad stond gelijk vast..
De komende weken gaan we met zijn allen eerst 3 dagen op safari op de grens met Tanzania (Kilimanjaro) en daarna nog 5 dagen aan een palmbomenstrand bij Mombasa..Tussendoor gaan we wees-olifantjes kijken/voeden, giraffen voeren, op bezoek bij Esthers tehuis (met de 170 paar schoenen), een tour door de sloppenwijken, thuis even in ons zwembad duiken.. kortom een gezellige en leuke vakantie voor de boeg! jaloersmakende foto’s zullen zeker volgen!
Toen we Esther uit het Rehema PEFA Home meenamen, kregen we ook een stapeltje foto’s mee van Esther’s 1e jaar. Die hebben we maar eens gescand om een back-up te hebben, maar zijn natuurlijk ook leuk om eens op de blog te zetten!
Hier is Esther bij aankomst in het kindertehuis (2 weken oud):
1e foto Esther
Met haar leeftijdgenootjes op de bank (datum onbekend):
En nog een recente van het leren lopen in het tehuis:
Bij de NAS hebben we met belangstelling gekeken naar het item bij NOVA van 10 oktober 2009. Al ruim 5 jaar wil de NAS samenwerken met de geïnterviewden: social worker Sue Krawitz van Impilo en Thea Jarvis van het kindertehuis TLC uit Bloemfontein bij Johannesburg. Sue is als social worker met dit kindertehuis verbonden. In juni 2008 zijn we bij Thea en Sue op bezoek geweest en zijn we als organisaties gedrieën overeengekomen om per jaar tenminste 5 HIV+ kinderen in Nederlandse gezinnen teproberen te plaatsen. Hiertoe heeft de NAS in 2008 onderzocht of er ouders te vinden zijn die een HIV+ kind willen adopteren. En die zijn er zeker!
Toch is het voor de NAS nog steeds niet mogelijk om adoptiebemiddeling vanuit Zuid Afrika op te starten. Vijf jaar geleden werd dit veroorzaakt door obstakels aan de Nederlandse kant van de adoptieketen. Nu is er een belemmering aan de Zuid Afrikaanse kant. Zuid Afrika heeft het Haags adoptieverdrag getekend en geratificeerd. Als gevolg daarvan wordt de adoptiewetgeving in Zuid Afrika ingrijpend aangepast. Gedurende dit proces worden geen nieuwe buitenlandse organisaties toegelaten en helaas valt de NAS daar dus ook onder. De contacten van de NAS, Sue Krawitz van Impilo en Thea Jarvis van TLC willen nog steeds heel graag met de NAS samenwerken. We kijken dan ook uit naar het moment waarop Zuid Afrika haar grenzen weer opent voor nieuweorganisaties.
A baby with HIV raises fears for many people. But is that right?
Reluctant Adoption organizations are hesitant about adopting children with HIV. While orphanages in South Africa, Haiti and Eastern Europe are full of HIV-positive children. And with the right medication it is now possible to live well with HIV, and you will no longer die from it.
Unique The adopted children portrayed by NOVA - twins of which the boy, Mandlekosi, has HIV - is unique: Wereldkinderen is the only Dutch adoption organization with a permit for South Africa and if the medical screening shows that the child is HIV-positive , it is not eligible for adoption.
Acceptable According to Wereldkinderen, South Africa itself is against the adoption of children with HIV. But the director of the orphanage that NOVA visits disputes this. She first tries to find a family in South Africa for all the children in the orphanage. If that does not work, foreign adoption is certainly a possibility and also permitted. According to social worker Susan Krawitz - she runs an adoption agency - the biggest obstacle lies mainly in the countries of the adoptive parents. The World Children Foundation recently found it acceptable to ask parents if they wanted to adopt children with HIV.
Internet Adoptive families for children with HIV from all over the world are also sought via internet sites. There are now various organizations in America that promote the adoption of a HIV-positive child. An estimated 150 children with HIV are adopted there every year.
NOVA spoke to two families in the Netherlands who dared to adopt a child with HIV and went to South Africa.
Eindhovens Dagblad - October 10, 2009 - Peter van Vlerken.
Marcia Engel and Luís Carlos Vogels, two now somewhat older adopted children from Colombia, have started an initiative that aims to put an end to all kinds of abuses surrounding adoption. Their personal histories can serve to illustrate their position that adoption often does not mean a social solution, but rather creates a problem.
Roughly speaking, this is the still prevailing image of international adoption in the Netherlands: an unwanted childless couple takes a child from miserable circumstances in a third world country, so that everyone benefits. If it were not such a fashionable, commercially rotten expression, one could speak of a 'win-win situation'. But according to Marcia Engel and Luís Carlos Vogels, that is a completely outdated romantic ideal. Having a child, whether adopted or not, is almost by definition a selfish act, and for a third world child, growing up in our country is more often than not not the best thing. Which is not to say that there are no happy adoptive parents and happy adopted children. Fortunately, there are. But to illustrate the opposite, Luís quotes a statement from an African boy he met: adoption is a choice between dying of hunger or dying of sadness. And Marcia sees it as a form of life imprisonment. “You are and remain an adoptee. In the best case, you learn to deal with it so that it doesn't affect your social life and your future.” However, she knows from her own experience how difficult that is, and Luís can also talk about that, as is evident from their life stories described below.
The expectations of many adoptive parents are too rosy. Parenting difficulties often lead to divorce, which means the child ends up on the streets – for a second time. The fear of attachment and abandonment, which is already very great among adopted children, is further fueled by this. Many end up with agencies such as Youth Care that cannot offer them the specific help they need. Suicide occurs relatively often. These are – in a nutshell – the problems they describe. If Marcia and Luís have not experienced them themselves, they have learned them from fellow sufferers. For them, it was the reason for founding Plan Angel. The most important components of this initiative for the time being are an international registration system for the reunification of adopted children – some 35,000 in the Netherlands – with their biological parents abroad, and the equally large-scale collection of adoption files.
Not that they are against adoption on principle. But the best interests of the child should always come first. According to them, this can only happen in a relationship with the adoptive parents and the biological parents. "Only when all parties in that triangle receive the recognition and respect they deserve, can you speak of a good adoption," says Marcia. Luís cites human rights to support the argument that international adoption should eventually be abolished. “Children benefit most from remaining in their original environment. The best thing would be if prosperity and social provisions in the world were equalized.” That will take time, Marcia realizes. He: “That’s true, but it is my ideal.” She: “Adoption should be the last resort.” He: “But it is often seen as the first option.” Luís believes that adoption is not a social solution, but a social problem. He speaks of a legal form of child trafficking, and Marcia agrees with him in that statement, although she prefers to speak of a 'disguised' form of child trafficking. In any case, there are many in Western and corrupt Asian, African or Latin American countries who profit from adoption. Marcia, who wants to tackle the problem at the source with her foundation, knows that in her country of origin a Colombian couple can adopt a Colombian child for 2000 dollars, while it costs a foreign couple more than 20,000 dollars. There are also recent examples from Chad and Cambodia that show that money is often a driving factor in adoption. “It's just a market,” says Marcia. “Because the demand for adopted children is greater than the supply, not only is the price being driven up, but attempts are also being made in all kinds of ways to increase the supply.” Luís: “Sometimes it seems like child factories are created, where bonuses are paid out to bring in adopted children.” Marcia: “Mothers are pressured to give up their children, directors of orphanages are prepared – for a fee of course – to arrange the required papers.”
Luís is the one who deals with the adoption files. "They are almost never correct. Children are, as it were, laundered for adoption, while it is a fundamental right that the papers on the origin and the biological parents of a child are in order." He is not alone in this view. The files are also a source of concern for Wereldkinderen, by far the largest mediation association in the Netherlands. For example, last month they stopped the adoption from Ethiopia after it became apparent that the files largely did not correspond to reality. The start that Luís has made in creating a worldwide, digitalized network of adoption files is modest. "But if I can prove that a thousand files are incorrect, the Dutch justice system and the European Court of Justice will have no choice but to combat adoption with forged papers." In response to Marcia and Luís' initiative, Wereldkinderen states that it is also against adoption based on incorrect files. According to spokesperson Martien Miedema, the internet does indeed offer new opportunities to reunite children and biological parents, but she would like to see this take place under proper supervision, for example by Wereldkinderen. Wereldkinderen says it is always open to contact with adopted children and Luís does not rule out cooperation with these and other organizations such as Unicef and Amnesty. Marcia, who also has plans for educational projects in countries of origin and a special emergency shelter for adopted children in the Netherlands, does not do that either. They both realize that their ambitions are big. Too big perhaps? "If we take it step by step, we can handle it." See also www.adoptionangelsnetwork.com and www.adoptionfilesnetwork.com They only started this year and their project is still in its infancy, but their ambition is great: a worldwide network must put an end to abuses surrounding international adoption. Two – now somewhat older – adopted children talk about their initiative.
“As a Brabander, an outsider” Luís Carlos Vogels (25): “You can hear from my accent that I grew up in Brabant. However, as a Brabander I am an outsider, and I don’t mean so much in terms of skin colour. I was born in Colombia. When I was three, I was adopted together with my sister. My history as an adoptee is turbulent. I was not always treated well by my adoptive parents, and that is putting it mildly. Brabanders say things in a veiled way, I was very direct. That led to arguments, in which I had to endure a lot. I was not what my parents thought I should be: like them. They were reserved, I was temperamental. When I was eight, I went to youth care. Until I was sixteen, I went to see agencies, later I went to live with my uncle and aunt. At school I was seen as an odd little guy who liked to be in the spotlight. A macho. It was only after I returned to Colombia that I learned to understand my own behaviour. Colombia is one big macho culture. In the Netherlands I had problems with my friendly interactions with women. Latinos simply hug more than Dutch people. My girlfriend – a 100% Dutch woman with blond hair and blue eyes – who I live with in Leerdam, says the same. But she has no problems with it. I am a chemical lab technician, but I am currently unemployed. I clearly have trouble holding down a job. A boss accused me of having a Mediterranean mentality: take it easy, no stress, tomorrow is also possible. I did my best and tried to finish my work, but sometimes I just couldn't. In the meantime I have been back to Colombia for a second time, but I have not found my biological parents. My adoptive parents said that they brought me to the Netherlands because my real parents could not take care of me. From stories I gather that there is a good chance that they could. It is a blow when you find out. By the way, I have a very positive attitude and absolutely do not see myself as a victim. I am not happy with my adoption, but I am a happy person.”
“I am not an angry adopted child” Marcia Engel (31): “In Colombia, where I was born, my name was Martha, but when I was two and a half and was adopted by a couple from Het Gooi, my name was changed to Marcia. Later, I heard from an aunt that I cried a lot and had nightmares. For my adoptive parents, it was the best time of their lives, something like the birth of a child, but for me, my first time in the Netherlands must have been a trauma. My problems initially consisted of small things. Many adopted children eat from bite-swallow-gone. It is a form of survival. If you, as parents, do not know that it is actually normal, it is considered undesirable behavior. That simply has a negative effect. I soon thought: there is something wrong with me, I am crazy. I always wanted to go to my room. That is what you want anyway as a teenager, but I found shared family situations extremely difficult. I felt like an 'alien'. It was only when I was eleven that my mother told me that I did not come from her belly. The ground fell away from under my feet. That caused a lot of emotional problems. I started lying about everything and was rebellious. After my parents divorced, I ended up in emergency shelters, but no one there knew how to deal with an adopted child. Then I was taken in by a foster family with more adopted children. Fortunately, they knew how to do it there. If you don't know where you come from, you can't look to the future. That's the basic problem of many adopted children. For a long time, I wandered aimlessly through life. Only after I found my biological parents in Colombia could I start discovering myself. Someone who made a business out of it tracked them down for me. My adoption papers are simply forged. My date of birth is January 1, but that's not correct at all. It also says: parents unknown. But if you pay for it, then they can suddenly be found. My biological parents never signed for my adoption. In fact, my father searched for me for a long time, but when he arrived at the orphanage where I was, he was told: you're too late, she's already gone. Like many adopted children, I was very angry for a long time about how things went. But I don't hold a grudge. When I knew how things were, I discovered how unique I actually was. Fate apparently struck in such a way that I had to be here. I don't want to go through life feeling pitiful, but be a success. My husband and I have been living in Amsterdam for ten years. We have two sons. That's going well. I recognize myself in my children. At home and at my work at a debt collection agency, my temperament can sometimes flare up in conflict situations, but I have learned to control myself. I have a good relationship with my adoptive father. He has changed his mind. He now says: I didn't know what kind of problems adoption could cause for a child. I did what I thought was best at the time."
Der Vermittlungsstelle „Evangelischer Verein für Adoptions- und Pflegekindvermittlung Rheinland e.V.“ ist mit Bescheid der Zentralen Adoptionsstelle des Landschaftsverbands Rheinland vom 8. Oktober 2009 die Zulassung zur internationalen Adoptionsvermittlung von Kindern aus der Republik Kenia befristet bis 31. Dezember 2010 erteilt worden.
(Am 8.10. hatten wir darüber berichtet, dass die US-Regierung ihren Bürgern Adoptionen aus Kenia untersagt hat, da das kenianische Verfahren gegenwärtig den Anforderungen des Übereinkommens nicht genüge. Offensichtlich sieht man das beim Landschaftsverband Rheinland anders.)
