It is one thing to love a child you have given birth to or adopted, and quite another to love and care for someone who may be with you for only a few months or years. This Mother’s Day, three foster carers talk to Neha Bhayana about why it’s important to take in children who would otherwise languish in a shelter or orphanage.
‘His parents are missing but till then I get the joy of raising him’ Leela Jedia | Has one foster child. This Mother’s Day is special for Leela Jedia. The Chittorgarh-based government school teacher had yearned to be a mother for years. Her wish came true on January 10 when she got six-year-old Rihaan* home from a local institution through a foster-care scheme. Rihaan’s biological parents have gone missing, so the district authorities had decided to place him with a foster family. States are slowly trying to deinstitutionalize care for children who are not eligible for adoption as it is considered better for the child’s development to live in a family set-up.
Leela knows Rihaan may be taken away from her someday, but she is happy to be his mom till then. “If he is reunited with his parents, it will be good. But till then, I feel blessed to experience the joy of raising a child. He has completed our family. Hear him say ‘mamma’ is a beautiful feeling,” says the 55-yearold, adding that they will be happy to have him forever if his parents are not found. The Jedias had applied to adopt a child but they have been on the wait-list for years. When they learnt about kids who spend years in shelters because they are not eligible for adoption or are not getting adopted, they approached the Foster Care Society, Udaipur, for support.Now, when Leela returns from work every evening, Rihaan runs to open the door and the duo then spends the evening playing and doing homework. Rihaan knew very little compared to most six-year-olds, so Leela has been teaching him colours, the names of fruits and vegetables as well as basic manners like not making noise while chewing food. “I cook different subzis daily as I want him to develop a taste for all vegetables. He is not fond of sweets though, unless we get his favourite gulaab jamun,” she says.
They have enrolled Rihaan in a reputed English-medium school and engaged a tuition teacher as well to help him reach on par with other kids in his class. Leela hopes to bring home one more child, ideally a girl, via adoption or foster care. “All couples who are financially stable should foster a child, even if they have biological children. Children who stay in orphanages have to move out when they turn 18. At that point, they have to suddenly face the world outside. When they are with a family, we educate them, teach them good values, and make them competent enough to live in the world,” she says. “Hum ek bache ki life bana sakte hai and khud bhi maa baap hone ka sukh pa sakte hai (we can make a child’s life better and also experience the joy of being parents.)”
‘We have raised five children. We can love one more’ Liji Thomas | Has 5 biological children and 1 foster child Most couples feel overwhelmed with the responsibility of even one or two children. But Kozhikode residents Liji and Bijo Thomas felt blessed to have five kids. In fact, when their eldest daughter — she is 25 and their youngest is 13 — got married and moved to Kanpur last year, Liji felt a void. Since they are not eligible to adopt as they already have biological children, they applied for foster care via the District Child Protection Unit (DCPU) and brought a 12-year-old boy home in January after due procedures. Seventeen children have been placed in long-term foster care in Kozhikode so far. Sahil’s* parents were unable to care for him due to confidential reasons and had voluntarily put him in a government-run children’s home four years ago. They gave consent for placing him in foster care too. Liji is happy they got the opportunity to look after Sahil. “We have the experience and the resources which come from parenting five children so we thought why not take in one more child and let him also benefit from what we had learned over the years. A child growing up in an institution has very little chance of understanding how society or family functions. If you do not experience love when you are growing up, you will never be able to give love,” she says.