"Take This Child": Why Women Abandon Their Infants in Bangladesh

Journal article by Margot Wilson; Journal of Comparative Family Studies, Vol. 30, 1999

Journal Article Excerpt

"Take This Child": Why Women Abandon Their Infants in Bangladesh

by MARGOT WILSON

MARGOT WILSON [*]

INTRODUCTION

On Friday, a young woman came to the gate. She appeared to be no more than 16 years old. Her feet were bare and her sari was torn and very dirty. She handed an equally tattered bundle to the social worker and said, "Take this child. I can't manage her any more. She will die if you don't take her." (Field journal, Centre for the Training and Rehabilitation of Destitute Women, Bangladesh 1992)

The abandonment of children is by no means a recent development. Abandonment is, in fact, an ancient strategy as demonstrated in the social histories of Western Europe (Boswell 1988), England (Fairchilds 1984, Rose 1986), France (Fuchs 1984, Litchfield and Gordon 1980, Maza 1983), Russia (Ransel 1978, 1988), and Spain (Sherwood 1988). Even as recently as the 1950s abandoned children were brought from foundling homes in Britain to the United States, Canada, New Zealand, Australia, South Africa and Rhodesia to work as labourers on family farms [1] (Bean and Melville 1990, see also Harrison 1979, McClure 1981, Wagner 1982).

More recently, Gulati et al. (1977) have described an "orphanage-cum-rescue home" operating in Goa where Indian women routinely abandon their infants born out of wedlock. Ait-Zai (1989) has shown that women in Algeria often give up or kill out of wedlock children due to the disgrace such a birth brings on the family. Thus, abandonment is restricted neither geographically nor temporally to modem-day Bangladesh. Nevertheless, little detailed information is available regarding the reasons why mothers choose to abandon their infants.

In response to this dearth of information, this study provides an in depth analysis of the decision processes of abandoning mothers and families. The data were collected from the Centre for Training and Rehabilitation of Destitute Women (CTRDW), a shelter for abandoned women and children located in Dhaka, Bangladesh. Akanda(1981) has described the situation of abandoned children in state institutions in Bangladesh generally. She recommends the placement of these children in permanent homes but discusses numerous difficulties inherent in their "adoption." Among these difficulties are illegitimacy, poverty and "unknown origin" of the child. Chowdhury and Shamim (1994) have written specifically about the CTRDW program. They review primarily those aspects of the CTRDW programme related to the abandonment of children and permanent fosterage. Their discussion of the "reasons" why women abandon their children is confined to a single table from which they conclude, "economic reasons are inseparable from the social ones in most of the cases of abandonment" (Chowdhury and Shamim: 51-53).

The discussion that follows moves beyond the work of Chowdhury and Shamim to provide a detailed analysis of the circumstances under which families, and in particular newly parturient mothers, choose to abandon their infants to the CTRDW. In the following sections, "reasons" for the abandonment as given by the relinquishing mothers are discussed. Many of these "reasons" are related and overlap. They describe two alternative paths to abandonment for children depending on the marital status of their mothers. The paper begins with a description of the CTRDW and the client population followed by a discussion of the methods used in this study. The ways in which individuals become detached from their families are discussed along with how abandonment is related to the positioning of women within kin systems and the broader society. Similarly, the impact of poverty on family dynamics, the ways in which attitudes surrounding abandonment are culturally constructed and how economic constraints influence the decision-mak ing of mothers and families who abandon their infants is discussed.

CTRDW

The CTRDW is a shelter for abandoned women and children located in Dhaka, the capital city of Bangladesh. Situated near to several long-established slum areas, the CTRDW draws the majority of its clientele from the lowest economic classes.

Accordingly, the data presented here reflect the experiences of poor women and children and do not attempt to portray the situation of women in other circumstances. The primary focus of the CTRDW programme is providing support and shelter to abandoned pregnant women. The care and placement in permanent foster homes of the abandoned infants of these women is a concomitant concern. Programme supports include a residence for women and children, an intensive care unit, a 24 hour day care centre, and life skills and income generating training. [2]

The CTRDW opened its doors in December 1981. The data presented here cover the 8 year period from its inception up to and including January l989. ...

Countries: Bangladesh

Adoption Bill includes Hague protections

The Irish Times - Thursday, November 19, 2009

Adoption Bill includes Hague protections

In this section »

Organizations: Hague Convention on Protection of Children and International Cooperation in respect of Intercountry Adoption (1993)

Countries: Ireland

Adoption from Brazil - 1974

Nummer:

3.4907

E-Mail:

cilene1@hotmail.de

Datum:

04.08.2006

Cilene wurde 1974 in Brasilien im Bundesstaat Ceará geboren und kam 1975 durch Adoption nach Deutschland. Die Adoption lief damals über einen katholischen deutschen Priester, der in ihrem Geburtsort tätig war. Sie sucht andere erwachsene Adoptierte aus Brasilien, die hier in Deutschland leben. Cilene würde gerne wissen, wie es andern mit der Adoption ergangen ist und würde sich über Kontakte sehr freuen. Es ist nicht einfach, andere "Betroffene" zu finden.

Countries: Germany, Brazil

ADOPTIONS FROM ROMANIA 1990 BIS 1999 AND HOW IT IS TODAY FOR THE CHILDREN

An Interview with Heidi Wolfram, who was responsible for "Parents of children Austria" for international adoptions from Romania

Adoption Advice: Ms. Wolfram, they were some years in the Parents Association for Children (EFKO) for the management of international adoptions from Romania, responsible for Romania has not stopped them before and they are to remain in contact with the adoptive families whose children have become teenagers . How was it that the EFKO has been active at that time in the field of international adoption? Have you worked from the outset in this project?

Heidi Wolfram: The project began, have been discussed as a foster parent Round the appalling conditions in Romanian institutions, and soon we were at one point in seeking to change a bit for the better. In response, some interested parties together and done the first time driving under the guidance of a Romanian-Catholic priest in a home in Sin Martin. Here was the primary concern is to contribute a little to meet basic needs. On the occasion of this visit, the hostel administration turned to us and told of the many unvisited children whose parents to a large extent, were not known. She asked if we could arrange for these children adoptive parents. This idea was then brought home by the Romanian leadership to us and it was actually adopted some children from Sin Martin with its support to Austria. Then, however, international adoptions have been stopped by the state, because after the opening of the country in a short time a vast number of Romanian children were adopted abroad. Nationals of Western countries came to Romania and not brought the older children from the homes, but moved through the villages and bought the babies from their mothers. This terrible situation was ended by the adoption stop.

Subsequently, the central adoption committee was set up in Bucharest, which we recognized as an official clearinghouse for Austria. We were authorized to convey to the whole of Romanian children were also in Austria, and Austria from all provinces with the exception of Salzburg authorized to assist families with the adoption of Romanian children.

Photo: Parents of children Austria
Suburb in Romania were needed from now on a lawyer who was required by the Adoption Committee and completed all the necessary channels for the adoptive family. The documents of the family had to be sent to the committee which made a child's proposal after the attorney had in turn presented to the committee the child for this special family.

If logged in our families, we first conducted a very detailed initial interview. All adoptive recruiter had to complete a preparatory course. We also visited all the families personally and I know that I traveled to Vorarlberg, to make me a picture of the life circumstances of individual families. After this preparation, the following documents were sent to Bucharest: the documents of the adoptive applicants, their curriculum vitae, a detailed social report from the relevant Youth Welfare Office and the statement by the competent district administrative authority, that it does not violate the Austrian laws to adopt a child from Romania. All these documents were translated in Vienna, certified by a court-approved translator into Romanian and. After different lengths of time the child's proposal came from the committee. It helped that we contacted the attorney and the children who were released to mediate, said. According to the scanty records, such as age, gender and health certificate, we then tried to gently make a proposal to fit into the family of this child could. Thus, the lawyer went to the committee, which then gave permission for a first contact. Once the family had visited the orphanage, saw the child and an adoption is approved, settled the attorney with the adoptive recruiters the necessary means, so the adoption process could start immediately.

Amazingly not a single adoptive family has rejected a child, although two or three disabled children were among them. Upon completion of the Romanian adoption process, the adoptive parents could pick up their children. At the Austrian Embassy, the children were given a limited permit because they were still Romanian citizens. In Austria, the parents had to extend the residence permit and apply for Austrian citizenship for their child. After its issuance, the children were discharged from the Romanian citizenship and her passport had to be given at the embassy.

Adoption Advice: Can you tell us about the situation a little, you have experienced in Romania? As the children were cared for in homes and at what age they could be adopted? Can you tell something about the health and development of children?

Wolfram Heidi: I was several times in Romania. Although the pictures of the homes at that time went through all media, we were all shocked. The hospital infections of the children was extremely strong, they were severely neglected. The nurses had no training and therefore do not know what a child needs. The older children came forward to an all with arms raised high and wanted to be taken. The homes at that time did not have a baby bottle so that the children poured into the food with tin cups "" was. I can remember a family whose newly arrived child refused to eat until the adoptive mother remembered that the children only tin cups were used to. After they had bought something like that, the child began to eat again ...

Even when there were already many convoys, nor passed a lot of mistakes. Were delivered things that were not really needed, or knew of them, not people, as they were applied. I remember that I was once invited by the Committee in a model home (you always need a permit) to visit a home where the nurses showed us how children from eighteen-Disney video set, which she apparently by the Americans have had. In another home there was a sumptuously furnished room for physiotherapy, which remained empty because no trained support staff was present. We repeatedly offered training for the staff in "our homes", which first aroused great opposition. In Romania, it was a long time so that people no longer knew who they could trust. If three were talking, they did not know which of them was the spy. This mistrust is still noticeable. Mittlerweilen are the children placed in institutions are often better than the children outside in the families, especially in the countryside, where unemployment and poverty are still very large.

The first children who came to Austria, were developed in very different ways. Through the long adoption process came the youngest adopted children with less than a year into her new family. There were also children who had more than one home switch behind and had therefore almost bindable. During a visit we met a three-year boy who was constantly in a cot on his back. You have to understand that children between the ages of three years from the nursery into a babies home, or in a home for handicapped children had to go, what their fate is often sealed. The criterion for inclusion in an infant home was that the child could eat alone. The affected boy, but was absolutely nothing, so we tried to get him out of the home before it was too late. He could be placed in a foster family, and after a year you would have this child no longer recognized in Austria. He began to walk, to talk to ... Outwardly he was a four year old, but obviously not all in its development. The family has done and now he's enormous, although with difficulty, but can still finish the school. The family is currently looking for a suitable education.

Adoption Advice: Have you had contact with other organizations in the field of adoption agency from Romania?

Heidi Wolfram: After the second stop we had to adoptions in Romania with a Romanian organization working together, the adoptions but also cover other social services in the country. Our partner organization, for example, had to check whether at home were found adoptive parents for children, which point in very young children and was once the case. Slowly they also began to seek foster care for the children. Even the convoys to the refugee camps were better coordinated. I once took part in a meeting organized by giving the adoption committee for all organizations, international adoptions from Romania. Of the Americans, to the Greeks, all nationalities were represented. The meeting was held in Bucharest Ceausescu's palace. A greater discrepancy can hardly imagine. In huge state rooms with negotiations on the fate of these poor children. There were working groups in which I took also in contact with other organizations. Basically it was the agencies, but primarily about getting children to adoption.

Adoption Advice: How have you experienced it, when international adoptions in Romania were suspended in June 2001 to improve the adoption of legislation? Do you have an insight into how the situation looks like in Romanian orphanages at the moment?

Heidi Wolfram: Our club had at the time, some candidates who are well-prepared and already were about to put their records together. It was therefore very difficult to make it clear to them that they must take distance from her adoption request. If you have seen, however, the situation witnessed in the country and how adoptions were handled and how much money was involved, was probably a sensible stop adoptions measure. We all know that the adoption of the Romanian tourism was an obstacle on the path to the EU. However, it is again the weakest link, namely the children who suffer the most to stop adoptions because the homes are still full. Also, it still lacks of sufficient understanding of children. That's why I think it would be useful if there was an orderly and technically sound way to pursue international adoptions from Romania. Romania has signed the Hague Convention, already ratified and is, a feasible way would be given.

The association "Parents for Children", following the adoption stop its activities for the care of the homes even more enhanced and differentiated. The most urgent task now is to enable children in care professional training. The situation in the orphanages became more secure. But knowing what a child needs, it must only be re-purchased here. Even the untrained personnel is still a problem. Since there is much to be done.

Adoption Advice: Ms. Wolfram, you are still part of the annual meeting of Romanian adoptive families contact with the children who come by now in her teens. How have the children develop? What influence has taken the history of children in Romania on their development?

Wolfram Heidi: The last meeting with Romanian families were last year. In my opinion, has the majority of children are really well developed, although often arise problems in school. But I think that we are well prepared parents. If an educated family, adopted, it may well be that even her adopted child will embark on an academic career, but it may be that it has totally different installations and can not meet these expectations. It must be able to accept the adoptive parents. Especially when children in infancy, have such large deficits, much patience is necessary.
As far as I can judge now, it is most children well. I know a girl, when there has been no problems at all. She lives in the family, as she had never come from outside, and is also a very good student. Other families say, the kids might need help in school, but are no delays in other issues in the development. Still others are really difficult and there are some children here who need professional assistance such as therapy. When these problems are accepted by the adoptive parents, it is also good. Some children have ADHD, what parents can be overloaded and they are looking for ways how to promote the child best. If there is willingness from all sides who have children but certainly good prospects.

Adoption Advice: Ms. Wolfram, thank you very much for your time!

Heidi Wolfram was at the club as a Certified Social Worker "Parents for Children" for the care and organization of international adoptions from Romania responsible. Meanwhile, Mrs. Wolfram retired, but remains in Romania meetings and actively foster parents laps.

Please also note the support for Romania project of "Parents of children Austria. For more information about the project, which will find supports eight orphanages in Slobozia / southern Romania, among them: www.rumaenienhilfe.at or www.efk.at. Donations: The First 05150914, BLZ 20111

Release Date: 02/06/2004
http://www.adoptionsberatung.at/index.php/article/articleview/152/1/99

Persons: Heidi Wolfram

Countries: Austria, Romania

Justitie onderzoekt illegale adopties

Van onze verslaggeefster Anneke Stoffelen op 19 november '09, 07:21, bijgewerkt 19 november '09, 07:29

Countries: Netherlands, Nicaragua, Philippines, Cambodia, Bolivia, Sri Lanka, India

Kirgisistan

Veröffentlicht am 31. März 2009

Kirgisistan

Die deutsche Botschaft in Bischkek (Kirgisistan) teilt mit, dass die für internationale Adoptionen zuständige Bildungsministerin und der stellvertretende Bildungsminister nicht mehr im Amt seien. Die kirgisische Regierung habe mit einer Verordnung vom 11. Februar 2009 Adoptionsfälle mit Auslandsbezug bis auf Weiteres verboten. Deswegen würden auch entsprechende Anfragen aus dem Ausland nicht beantwortet. Bereits anhängige Fälle, in denen das Bildungsministerium bereits vor Erlass der Verordnung die erforderliche Stellungnahme abgegeben habe, würden noch abgewickelt. Eine Änderung des kirgisischen Familiengesetzbuches sei beabsichtigt.

Countries: Germany, Kyrgyzstan

KYRGYZSTAN: Focus on gay and lesbian rights

Reuters

http://www.alertnet.org/thenews/newsdesk/IRIN/36a54bc140eef1e95f0110d366f6e218.htm

Source: IRIN News

11 January 2005

1
KYRGYZSTAN: Focus on gay and lesbian rights

Bishkek - Kyrgyzstan is known as an island of gay tolerance in an otherwise oppressive region. Some gay people come here from Uzbekistan and Turkmenistan, where homosexuality is punishable by law, in search of a more favourable and accepting environment. The number of gay and lesbian groups in the country is growing as a consequence.

On Saturday a new support group called "Labrys" was launched in the capital, Bishkek, to promote the rights of lesbians. The Labrys, or double-bladed axe, comes from the goddess Demeter (Artemis). It has become a symbol of lesbian and feminist strength and self-sufficiency. "It will organise lesbians, provide them with psychological and legal help, and work on establishing a more tolerant attitude towards lesbians in the country," Anna Dovgopol, leader of the group, funded by money from the Netherlands, told IRIN.

The new organisation will publish a monthly magazine, organise seminars on health issues, and open a telephone hot-line and resource centre to offer advice and support. Counselling and cultural events will also be offered. Lesbianism remains very much a taboo in this conservative Central Asian nation. "If my family ever finds out that I belong to the group, I will be in deep trouble," one of the women at the launch, who refused to be photographed, told IRIN.

THE REALITY
Although the attitude to gays and lesbians in Kyrgyzstan is less hostile than in neighbouring states, people of non-traditional sexual orientation, especially gay men, are one of the most oppressed and discriminated groups in the country, according to recent research conducted by Denis van der Veur for the Dutch HIVOS Fund.

Most gays and lesbians in the country live in the capital, Bishkek, or in the northern part of the country, which is more liberal than other regions. In Bishkek, according to the Oasis NGO, the only organisation fighting to protect the rights of gay men, there are around 35,000 people of a different sexual orientation. The NGO officially works with just 6,500 of them who are open about their sexual orientation. Others remain undercover.

Those who decide to go public risk physical and verbal abuse, possible loss of work and unwanted attention from the police and authorities.

Veur, who conducted research with more than 50 gay men in the capital, found that they "describe their environment in Kyrgyzstan as negative, hostile and even violent. They refer to the prevalence of discrimination in public places such as bars and restaurants, from where they are often asked to leave." Around 65 percent of men surveyed said they had been physically or psychologically abused because of their sexual orientation.

" Homosexuals are still poorly informed about their rights," Vladimir Tyupin, the leader of Oasis, said. "Many of them do not know that homosexuality is legal in Kyrgyzstan, and they often are ashamed to ask for legal help. Although senior policemen seem to be understanding, it is the lower ranks, the street patrol officers, who chase and abuse gay men in Kyrgyzstan."

Theoretically, no one can refuse a gay person a job due to his or her sexual orientation. In reality, homosexuals are sacked under some pretext when their sexuality is revealed, but the official reason for their sacking does not mention their sexual orientation. A recent Oasis opinion poll indicated that most employers in the region would not hire a gay or lesbian if they were aware of the person's sexual orientation.

The situation of homosexuals in prisons is especially daunting as gay men are often openly victimised by inmates and the authorities. Almost half of such people in custody are physically abused, according to research.

LESBIANS ALSO FACE HOSTILITY AND REJECTION
The attitude towards lesbians is less hostile then towards homosexual men. Local tradition allows more freedom for public displays of affection by women. Nevertheless, in Kyrgyzstan lesbians are less visible than gay men and there are no figures for how many there are in the country.

Elena, a gay woman, told IRIN that she had spent most of her life in denial of her sexuality. "At some point I was fed up with hiding, living someone else's life... The most surprising was the reaction from my close friends. Although they are modern [in many of their ways], graduates who have travelled abroad, their reaction to my coming out was shocking. It is a complete rejection."

Despite the fact that the situation in Kyrgyzstan is better than in other Central Asian counties, Elena said that she and most of her friends dream about migrating to western Europe or the USA. "We want to feel free to be who we are, to feel like normal people." Lesbian activists say there have been seven known cases so far in which homosexuals from Kyrgyzstan received asylum abroad for "the violation of their human rights" at home.

Dovgopol from Labrys recounted how, in one of the city's cafes, lesbians were refused service due to their sexual orientation and were forced to leave. "They did not complain, because filing a complaint would mean a public and political coming our for lesbians and none of them were willing to do this. They were afraid to be openly lesbian in Kyrgyzstan."

DOUBLE LIFE IN THE SOUTH
In future, gay rights organisations are planning to expand their activities to other regions such as Osh and Jalalabat in the south of Kyrgyzstan. These are conservative and traditional regions, where most of the population is Muslim. According to Oasis, research among 2,500 gay and lesbians in Osh city suggests that those of a different sexual orientation have no choice but to lead a double life. Many gay men are forced to get married and have children, and hide their sexuality from their family.

There are no support groups protecting the rights of sexual minorities in the south, because it is almost impossible to find someone to lead such an organisation. Many are afraid that participation in such an organisation would ruin their career, and relations with their family and friends.

For lesbians, according to Anna Dovgopol, it is equally difficult: "The society in the provinces is so closed, the topic of homosexuality remains taboo. For a lesbian there it is almost impossible to find other gay people."

CONDEMNATION FROM RELIGIOUS LEADERS
Religious leaders, for the most part, do not exhibit tolerance towards gays and some have even appealed for proactive measures to be taken against them. "I think we should unite our efforts and maybe start punishing people for such behaviour. Thousands of Muslims will be punished by Allah for not preventing, not stopping, lesbians and homosexuals," said the leader of Muslims in Kyrgyzstan, Mufti Lugmar azhi Guahunov.

The Russian Orthodox Church in Kyrgyzstan seems equally hostile to sexual minorities. "Such tolerance washes out the essence of absolute moral values. Of course, our church will not fight homosexuality with weapons, but we will never tolerate it," Igor Dronov, a senior priest of the church in Bishkek, said.

LEGAL RECOGNITION
During the Soviet period, homosexuality was considered a crime. Article 121 of the USSR penal code sentenced men for "sodomy" for up to five years in jail. Officially, about 50,000 men were put away in Soviet jails or sent to Gulags under such charges; the real figure is believed to be much higher.

In Kyrgyzstan the ban on homosexuality was lifted in 1998 after concerted pressure from international human rights organisations. However, the Kyrgyz constitution does not explicitly mention the right to chose one's own sexual orientation.

The Kyrgyz legal system does not appear to be changing to take any further steps to secure the rights of gays and lesbians. It is too early to raise the question of official gay marriages, and legal adoption for same-sex couples in Kyrgyzstan is a long way off, activists say.

Countries: Kyrgyzstan

Blog - Everyday Life in the Bishkek Baby House

Everyday Life in the Bishkek Baby House

Erica Merrell, December 3, 2005

For my last post, I wanted to write about the baby house (orphanage) I visit often. I’m not trying to make any kind of point here; I’m just giving a brief glimpse into the lives of a few little ones far away from most of you.

There are around 100-120 children in the government baby house, the only one in Bishkek. Many of the children were abandoned, but some have mothers who often visit, and othersâ€™ mothers formally gave up their parental rights.

The baby house is on the southeast edge of Bishkek where there are individual houses instead of apartment buildings. There is beautiful landscaping along with a playground. The building is very clean, and while not particularly nice, is perfectly adequate. It never smells very fresh inside, but itâ€™s more a sour milk smell than a dirty smell. Each group of babies has a sleeping room filled with rows of cribs, a playing/eating room with tables for feeding the babies and two large playpens, and the toilet room.

The children are technically divided by age (but more realistically by ability) into groups of 10-12; there are three groups of babies. Children usually leave the baby house when they turn four. There are far more boys than girls in my group, but the social worker said last year there were more girls than boys. There are usually three women assigned to each group, although Iâ€™ve seen four when a group has its full 12 babies. At night one nurse is with the babies to feed them and change them.

The babies come and go. Altinai turned one and moved on to the older group, Shairah was adopted, and Mishaâ€™s mother was able to take him home. A few have joined the group too; Janad, Murad, Violeta, and Islam have all come in the last few weeks.

Belekâ€™s mother visits often, at least once a week. She comes to the door and the women bundle Belek up in a big coat and hat. They go outside where his mother spends about an hour with him. She often brings crackers for him. Once I had Diana (one of the babies, pronounced dee-AH-nah) outside and Belekâ€™s mother gave Diana a cracker. It was clearly the first time sheâ€™d ever eaten something with her own hands even though she almost one.

I always visit in the afternoon around two. The babies are just waking up from a nap and ready to eat. The older children get frantic while they are sitting in their chairs waiting for their food. Most of the babies are quick and easy to feed, except Diana, who is into everything. The older babies usually have a mixture of mashed potatoes, ground meat, and scrambled eggs. We attempt to give them apple juice, but they only have cups and itâ€™s nearly impossible to get a 7-month-old to drink juice out of a cup. The younger babies have milk with various things mashed up inside. The bottles are difficult to use because they get clogged with the bits of meat or grain.

After they eat, the older babies are tied onto the toilets (you might call them potty chairs) for a while. While this might sound appalling, itâ€™s nowhere near as bad as it sounds. They are tied on so they canâ€™t crawl away or fall off their chair. The point is to train them to go at a certain time to make orphanage life run a little more smoothly. By the time theyâ€™re two, theyâ€™ll be so well trained that if they are adopted, they will still need to go to the bathroom at certain times of the day without fail (a little tricky when you consider the different time zones). Itâ€™s not something Iâ€™d promote anyone doing, but I understand why itâ€™s done in the baby house.

The timing seems to be rather arbitrary, but after being taken off the toilets, the older babies are put into a very large playpen where they crawl and walk and play. This is one of my favorite times because they are looking for attention and itâ€™s fun to go around and play with each one. Belek will stubbornly walk around and around the edge do matter how many times he falls, Diana will crawl over anyone in her path, Vova rolls all around, Arsin lies quietly and smiles, Violeta does anything she can to move around, and Isin is oblivious to everything. The babies pay more attention to each other than babies usually do. One day Arsin and Vova ended up in the same corner and laughed and laughed with each other.

The younger babies are laid down in a different playpen after they eat. They roll around sometimes and play. Itâ€™s fun when all five are lined up- Janad, Askar, Jamal, Bolod, and Islam. I can get them all laughing and can touch two of them at the same time. Iâ€™ll sometimes take one or two outside if I can get them bundled up enough. The nurses are very strict about the babies wearing plenty of clothes, even when it was 95 degrees outside.

This is basically their day. They eat, sleep, and are left alone to play. They have never been rocked to sleep, given a bath, read to, or eaten a cracker. The nurses will sing to them and sometimes pick up one that is especially fussy, but they usually arenâ€™t touched except when they are eating or being transferred from one place to another. Iâ€™ll often rub their heads and faces when they are sad. Just touching them seems to calm them more than anything. Some other volunteers do baby massage with another group of babies, but I donâ€™t think anyone does with my group.

Each baby has all the basics- except someone, anyone, to think she is the most important child in the world. Certainly they are loved. The nurses take good care of them; some are excellent. But I donâ€™t think itâ€™s enough. I wish there were more I could do for them, but I think the little I am able to do helps.

Other Posts by Erica Merrell
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27 Responses to “Everyday Life in the Bishkek Baby House”

Erica,

I’m crying as I read this. It brought back all the memories of the summer I spent at a baby orphanage in Romania. The kids used to love it when I would sing primary songs with them–especially the ones with fun body movements and hand gestures. They also really loved the tune of “I am a Child of God,” but I usually couldn’t make it past the “with parents kind and dear” line.

Oh, my heart just aches for them, and for all your babies. God bless you for all that you are doing. And may angels always accompany you to the baby house.

Comment by maria on December 3rd 2005 at 12:37 pm
Thank you, Erica, for sharing this with us. I admire your way of describing it all. Factual, but much left to interpretation and imagination. At the same time, I appreciate you also point out positive things. From our complacent and “advanced” West we have a tendency to consider those places as basically horrible, but I think there is also appreciation to be given for what is being done in spite of limitations and circumstances. Also, again, thank you so much for your wonderful posts that gave Times and Seasons a truly international perspective.

Comment by Wilfried on December 3rd 2005 at 2:27 pm
It’s been a long time since I’ve visited an orphanage. The only time was on Christmas day 1984.

But I have often had very similar feelings when visiting nursing homes. So many virtually helpless people, and so much good that needed doing, but so few people to do it. It’s so overwhelming that the fear of drowning in it has caused me (or been my lame excuse) to do less than what I could.

Comment by Bookslinger on December 3rd 2005 at 11:42 pm
What would have to happen for an American to adopt one of these babies and please don’t tell my husband that I asked this question?

Comment by Julie M. Smith on December 4th 2005 at 12:14 am
Thank you, Maria and Wilfried. I enjoyed your story, Bookslinger. Thanks for linking to it.

Comment by Erica Merrell on December 4th 2005 at 12:16 am
Julie, it is possible to adopt from here, but it can be a little harder than some other countries because there isn’t a lot of experience here with international adoption. The State Department website has no information about adopting from Kyrgyzstan.

The adoptions that I am aware of are by missionaries or volunteers living in Bishkek. They have gone through a local social worker. It may well be possible for a family who doesn’t live here to go through her instead of an agency. She speaks English well and wants to get these children into good homes. There are few agencies working here, but I don’t know much about them. Frank Foundation (www.frankadopt.org) is probably the best bet if you really want an agency, but I’d highly recommend checking carefully into them and talking to parents who have worked with them, whether they adopted or not. Find out how many adoptions they have actually completely from Kyrgyzstan and check into their required fees. Kyrgyzstan shouldn’t cost as much as Kazakhstan.

An agency should take you through the whole process, but if you did it on your own, you’d need to complete a home study in the US and complete the required INS paperwork. You would probably need to make two trips to Kyrgyzstan, one to choose the child you want to adopt and get the process started, and another to pick them up and go to court and to the embassy in Kazakhstan, the nearest US embassy that processes adoptions.

If someone were truly interested in more information, I can ask the local social worker.

Comment by Erica Merrell on December 4th 2005 at 1:00 am
I understand that adoption from those countries has become increasingly difficult, not to speak of the financial gain some instances try to make of it, even the official ones. To make things worse, I heard anti-Mormon propaganda is spreading horror stories of what happens to children adopted in those households in the Mormon West. I have no experience in this field, but it seems http://lds.adoption.com/ offers adequate information and help. They have an international section.

Comment by Wilfried on December 4th 2005 at 1:29 am
I heard a mother on the news the other night who had recently adopted a teenager from Haiti who had lost both of his legs, but had the blessing of receiving two prostheses by the hand of her husband who had been visiting on a doctors abroad type mission (which of course lead to the adoption). At the conclusion of this interview, this women (who my wife guesses is LDS. We live in MN, so my money says they are Lutheran) said that their family is now complete with the arrival of this member.

As a father, I understand this woman. Even though (and I am in no way bragging) we have adopted a nephew, had two of our own, and are in the process of adopting a 2nd nephew, I can tell you that my family still does not feel complete. I look forward to the day that we can add more of these little ones to our family as we look for that point of completion.

My heart goes to the them because of your story. Thank you for sharing.

Comment by Chance on December 4th 2005 at 1:39 am
Thanks for your comments, Chance. I do think adoption is a good way to create a family, and one that is too often overlooked except in cases of infertility.

There are some major obstacles to international adoption from FSR’s like Wilfried points out. Kazakhstan has allowed international adoptions for a long time, but it has recently become more difficult as judges in different areas apply laws differently and as the media has become increasingly negative.

The financial gain is a big problem. KZ requires a $15,000 fee (in addition to other fees) that is in large part supposed to go to the orphanages, but I have no confidence that any money in Central Asia actually gets to its intended destination. Many parents end up bribing various government officials to be able to complete their adoptions.

There’s also the good old bait-and-switch, where an agency shows you a picture of a charming baby and then when you get there, that baby doesn’t actually exist or isn’t adoptable. You can either choose a different child (which is actually what you’re supposed to do in KZ; referrals are illegal there) or go home. A careful couple should be able to avoid corrupt agencies though by doing plenty of research and using an agency with an excellent reputation. That’s my concern about agencies in KG since there is no agency with enough experience here to have an excellent reputation in Kyrgyzstan. Maybe they are great in Russia or Kazakhstan, but in-country experience is necessary.

Kyrgyzstan really is a little harder to adopt from because it is almost impossible to find out what the laws actually are and there is very little precedent to be able to predict what might happen here. However, the fees aren’t as unreasonable as those in KZ, although I still wouldn’t bet that they’d be used for what they were supposed to be used for (for example, you’re supposed to pay $1,000 per year that the child was in the orphanage and that is supposed to go back into the system).

The best thing though is that I feel that the baby house administrators want these children adopted. The government isnâ€™t putting up a lot of obstacles right now. The biggest problem really is that there international adoption isnâ€™t very common here. General international adoption information is helpful, but country-specific information is vital, and it’s hard to find here.

Comment by Erica Merrell on December 4th 2005 at 4:08 am
Erica, thank you very, very much for this look into a part of the world few of us hear about much less visit. Your posts have been excellent.

Comment by Jim F. on December 4th 2005 at 12:57 pm
In a district I served in towards the end of my mission in Korea, we spent time visiting an orphanage/home for mentally handicapped children; some of them had spent their entire lives in the facility. We couldn’t do much–play with them, talk with them; one sister had a childlike, severely damaged older boy latch onto her hand, and she just held it back for hours. Still, the staff seemed so grateful for us. It was one of the few things I did on my mission that I look back on as a true, unprideful, unambiguous, Christian good.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Erica, and prompting some good but bittersweet memories of my own.

Comment by Russell Arben Fox on December 4th 2005 at 8:43 pm
Erica, I’ve been thinking about your post so much over the last couple of days–I just can’t get those babies out of my mind. I don’t really have much to add, but thought you should know how thought provoking this post (and all your posts) have been.

Karen

Comment by Karen on December 6th 2005 at 6:44 am
Once Erica’s guestblogging stint is over, be sure to head over to her blog for more posts like this one.

Comment by Bryce I on December 6th 2005 at 11:23 am
Bryce, you should have warned everyone that she has some seriously cute pictures of babies posted there.

Comment by Julie M. Smith on December 6th 2005 at 10:33 pm
My husband and I are considering adoption in Kyrgyzstan. Any comments about agencies in the U.S. that are allowed to handle this type of adoption.

Comment by Kim on December 30th 2005 at 12:43 am
Julie is right, you guys. Brace yourselves. Amira, wonderful post. I am smiling and crying. And feeling so helpless.

Comment by annegb on December 30th 2005 at 11:21 am
Hi, my husband and I are considering adopting from Kyrgyzstan, and in my research on the web, I stumbled upon these postings! I am happy to have found these postings, because there is little information on Kyrg adoption. My husband and I are currently in a holding pattern for adopting from Kazakhstan, we started the process 10 months ago, and are in a holding pattern because of the new Kaz regulations. So that is why we are considering switching to Kyrg. Like Kim, I would like information about adopting from Kyrg. Also, I am new to these types of postings on a website. Who is Erica, and is she in Kyrg trying to adopt right now? How do I get to see the photos that everyone is talking about? Forgive me for my confusion! Thank you.

Comment by Future Mom on January 4th 2006 at 12:39 pm
Hi, I am so happy to read all of your postings – I stumbled upon them while using google to look into adopting from Kyrg! My husband and I have been trying to adopt from Kaz for 10 months now – our dossier was actually at the Kaz embassy in D.C. but then it was sent back because of the new regulations. It has become very difficult with Kaz now, so we are considering switching to Kyrg. Like Kim, I would like more info if anyone has it. Also, forgive me, but I am confused about what this website is that you are all posting messages on (Times and Seasons – Comments on Everyday Life in the Bishkek Baby House)? Erica, are you in Kyrg right now? How do I get to view the photos that everyone is talking about? Thank you!

Comment by Future Mom on January 4th 2006 at 12:55 am
Future Mom–sorry your comment got buried; I hope those with the right information will be able to get in touch with you. Erica does live in Kyrgyzstan, and she blogs regularly here. She isn’t planning on adopting a child in Kyrgyzstan so far as I know, but has volunteered regularly there over the past several months. She has a lot of information on her website.

Comment by Russell Arben Fox on January 4th 2006 at 11:53 am
Thanks, Russell! I’m sorry for posting 2 messages, everybody – I had thought that my first one didn’t get posted! What is the url for Erica’s website?

Comment by Future Mom on January 4th 2006 at 10:06 pm
Future mom:

http://amiralace.blogspot.com/

Good luck!

Comment by Julie M. Smith on January 4th 2006 at 10:22 pm
Kim and Future Mom (and anyone else),

I just saw your posts. You can find my email address at my website that Russell and Julie both linked to. There is very little information about adopting here and you will run into problems because the laws are not well known. The families we have known who have adopted have had a difficult time and they didn’t go through US agencies. I don’t know all the ins and outs since we haven’t adopted yet, but feel free to email me with any questions you might have and I’ll try to answer them or see if I can find out the answers.

Comment by Erica Merrell on January 4th 2006 at 11:41 pm
yet? (grin)

Comment by Julie M. Smith on January 5th 2006 at 12:32 am
I have always been interested in adoption and doing volunteer work in orphanages. For that reason, I review the precious.org/child-page on the net. They show a photo listing of many different agencies adoptable children from various countries. Last week, there was a photo of a child from Kyrgystan. He is deaf and if he’s not adopted, they will soon send him to an orphanage for older children with all kinds of physical and mental disabilties. He certainly won’t have much of a future if they do this. As I read through the postings today, I noted that it was against the country regulations to post photos of their adoptable children. I was going to see if I could help find this boy a home in the states, but now I wonder if the agency is legitimate. Perhaps they are a good agency and decided to post his listing because his situation is so unique? What is your take on this?

Comment by Rebecca on January 12th 2006 at 11:15 am
I have adopted two boys from KAZ. and have just heard about a Kyrgystan program run by ChristianWorldAdoptions. http://www.cwa.org I know nothing about them as I used a different agency but they may have some good info.

Cate

Comment by Cate on February 9th 2006 at 3:23 pm
Hi! We are missionaries too, living in Mongolia. But we used to live in Kazakstan and have visited Kyrgyzstan twice! I am really interested–is it Erika? in a response, on this or in private, to what you mentioned in 6. You see, we speak Kazakh–so similar to Kyrgyz, fairly fluently (have studied for 7 years and live among K.’s in the west here). We want to adopt again, and would love it to be Kyrgyzstan but we need to get in touch with the M.’s or volunteers in Bishkek that have done it. We feel we don’t need an agency, as long as that’s Ok with the government. But this social worker that speaks English..she’d be a gold mine. Could you please pass on any info. of contacts you have who’ve adopted who live in Bishkek, or the name and email of the social worker? We’d be SOOO grateful! Feel free to pass on our email too. Thanks for all the volunteer work at baby houses you do..we did a lot, too north of you. Sincerely, Sarah Mechler, [edited] or the above email address

Comment by Sarah Mechler on March 1st 2006 at 8:30 am
Sarah, I’m the same person (Amira) that you emailed earlier about adopting from Kyrgyzstan. I hope you got my email then. I talked to the social worker and she can’t help with more adoptions. In fact, one that she has helped with isn’t going well despite her best efforts. Even though KG is starting to be talked about in adoption circles, the fact remains that fewer than 10 children have been adopted from here to the US in the last 2 years. The adoption laws were just changed too.

I’ve written more about adopting from Kyrgyzstan here: http://amiralace.blogspot.com/2006/01/adopting-from-kyrgyzstan.html

This includes information on the two agencies currently certified in Kyrgyzstan.

Comment by Erica Merrell on March 1st 2006 at 9:56 pm

Countries: Kyrgyzstan

Organizations: Bishkek baby house

Blog: Adopting from Kyrgyzstan

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Adopting from Kyrgyzstan

These are a few things I've learned about adopting from Kyrgyzstan because of my experiences there and the six years I have been researching international adoption. I worked in the Bishkek baby house, and if you are told you're adopting a baby from Bishkek, it's likely she will come from this baby house. Note that I am not an adoption expert, nor have I done an international adoption myself. I have no connections with any agency. I have been away from Kyrgyzstan for over a year and there are better places to find updated information. These are two posts I've written in other places about the Bishkek baby house and some of the children there (here and here).

I loved living in Kyrgyzstan and volunteering at the baby house in Bishkek and I want everyone who goes there to have a good experience. And thanks to those who have emailed who are adopting from the Bishkek baby house. It's been wonderful to hear that some of those babies are on their way to being adopted. And if anyone happens to get a referral for a little boy named Arsyen in the Bishkek baby house (he was born in the fall of 2004), will you let me know? He was such a sweet little boy and I'd love to hear what happens to him. I can tell you a lot about him.

It appears that international adoption in Kyrgyzstan has not been plagued with the sort of corruption that has become common in some countries. I hope this remains the case.

There is a Yahoo Kyrgyzstan adoption group that is very friendly and helpful. This group is definitely the place to go for all sorts of information because I really am out of the loop now. There are links there to adoption blogs. There are many Kyrgyzstan adoption blogs out there now.

The best way to get information about legitimate agencies should be to email the US Embassy in Bishkek at ConsularBishkek@state.gov. While they can't recommend any agency, you can ask them how long a certain agency has been in the country and how many adoptions they've completed. Be specific with your questions- they don't want you to have a bad experience. We have found the Consular Section at the Embassy to be very helpful and friendly.

Do be sure to talk to as many agencies as possible, especially since there are so few. There are surprisingly significant differences between the adoption process with different agencies.

Not all of the babies and children in baby houses and orphanages are actually available for adoption; in fact, many probably aren't. (Most of the children in my photos are not available.) They have been placed in the baby house by their mothers and their mothers still have custody of them. Some were abandoned and some mothers have formally given up their rights. Since I worked in the baby house, I don't know much about the situation with older children, but many of the babies will have to have their mothers give up parental rights to be adopted.

If you're concerned about conditions in the baby houses themselves, read what I wrote here about the baby house in Bishkek. While the baby houses and orphanages won't be as nice in some other parts of the country, in general you can count on the children being well-attended to.

Please be aware of the many, many ethnic groups in Kyrgyzstan. While your baby is most likely to be Kyrgyz, there are many other cultures your baby might be from. Find out as much about that culture as you can, especially since there are very few Uyghurs, Tatars, etc. in the US. Kyrgyzstan is not a Russian country, although you might adopt a Russian baby. Please don't assume that Russian language and culture is all you need to learn about.

Many of the Kyrgyz children will have names that have a specific meaning in Kyrgyz. For example, Ay (pronounced eye) means moon and many girls' names start with Ay-. Gul- (rhymes with tool) is another popular beginning for girls' names and means flower. For boys, some common names are Bakyt (mean happiness), Bolot (mean strong), and Belek (means gift). I'll add more to this list when I get a chance. Arabic names such as Jamal and Jamilya are popular too.

We (my husband and I and two small children) lived in Kyrgyzstan (pronunciation guide) for one year. We never felt in the least bit in danger. We didn't have a car or a driver and were out on the streets every day. The people were universally kind and friendly. We rode the minibuses and walked around the city. We traveled around the country. While it is important to be sensitive, you needn't be frightened. Basic travel etiquette and being aware of your surroundings should be enough.

Please do not be scared to travel to Kyrgyzstan. It is by and large a safe country to visit. It is safe to be on the streets in Bishkek. It is safe to go to the store. It is safe to visit other cities and sites around the country. It is safe to go to the bazaars. Of course there are reasonable precautions you should take, as you should when travelling to any foreign country, but Kyrgyzstan is not dangerous.

Most of Kyrgyzstan's population is Kyrgyz, traditionally a nomadic group of people until they were settled by the Soviets. "Kyrgyz" is both singular and plural and is a noun and an adjective. "Kyrgyzes" and "Kyrg" are not words. The abbreviation I saw used for Kyrgyzstan by locals was KG. The Kyrgyz are one of the most ancient nations in Central Asia, see here and here for short histories of Kyrgyzstan. There are still a very few Kyrgyz who are nomadic, but almost of them live in China. The Kyrgyz language is closely related to Kazakh and is also related to Uzbek, Uyghur, Turkmen, Turkish, etc. (but not Tajik).

Learning some Russian or Kyrgyz before you come would be a great idea. Russian is more useful in Bishkek, but many Bishkekers know Kyrgyz- the women at the baby house often speak Kyrgyz. If you go to any other city or town in Kyrgyzstan, Kyrgyz would be a good choice. Still, either is good- it's a lot easier to find Russian resources in the US (we recommend the Pimsleur CDs and/or The New Penguin Russian Course). Look at this website for suggestions on learning Kyrgyz.

Kyrgyzstan is a beautiful country with fascinating people. Take the time to enjoy your stay (although with the current schedules, you'll probably have little time to do so) and get out to do some things. While traveling around the country might not be an option, you should at least be able to have a good time in the town or city your are adopting from. Bishkek isn't a particularly exciting city, but maybe you could ask your coordinator to introduce you to some locals. There are some museums in downtown Bishkek. If you're outside Bishkek, you might see if you can learn some chuko bone games.

There are few dishes that are specific to Kyrgyzstan; most are more generally Central Asian. I have some Central Asian recipes here. Kyrgyz cuisine has traditional been based on meat and milk products. Mare's milk, dried yogurt, horse meat, mutton, etc, are all commonly eaten in Kyrgyzstan, although horse meat has become very expensive and is saved for special occasions like weddings and funerals. Laghman is a noodle dish with endless variations. I generally prefer Uyghur versions. Plov is a rice dish with even more variations than laghman. We ate a lot of plov in Kyrgyzstan. Kyrgyz plov is generally less flavorful than, say, Uzbek or Uyghur plov, or pilaus from Iran and Tajikistan. Beshbarmak is called the Kyrgyz national dish, although the Kazakhs claim it too.

Travelling around Kyrgyzstan isn't hard (although it can be slow), and your agency should take care of all of that anyway. You might hear horror stories about the roads, but we found them to be a lot safer than in the Middle East and the police have been cracking down on drunk driving. Enjoy the scenery if you get to go to other parts of the country.

The longest trip you'll probably take is from Bishkek to Almaty. We had no trouble crossing the border (except that my 5-year-old threw up all over me and there was no place to clean up), but I have heard of some adoptive families having a very difficult trip to Almaty. I am not sure why we had no trouble and some do, but I hope this doesn't happen to you.

Some interesting places to visit in the north (since that seems to be where a lot of the adoptions are taking place) are Tash Rabat, the Burana Tower, Ysyk Kul, Ala-Archa park, and if you can get there, Navikat. There really isn't much to do in Bishkek, but if you happen to be there on a holiday, be sure to go to Ala-Too (pronounced toe) Square.

Bishkek is an easy city to live in. Baby food, diapers, wipes, and baby clothes are all readily available and about the same price or less expensive than you can get them in the US. The chain of stores called Narodnye is all over the city and all have plenty of baby supplies. Your coordinator in country should be able to easily take you to stores to get what you need if you are in Bishkek.

Outside Bishkek your options are a lot more limited. A lot. There will be a lot less variety in your food, especially if you're travelling in the winter. It is harder to find baby supplies, although certainly not impossible. But unless you're spending a long time outside Bishkek and its suburbs, you should be fine. You can buy what you need in Bishkek before going to other parts of the country.

I wouldn't hesitate to take my children with us if we adopted from Kyrgyzstan. It does make some things more difficult (and if your children aren't good travellers, it might be better to leave them home), but in my opinion it depends more on the individual child than on conditions in Kyrgyzstan. Don't bother with car seats though, either for the child you adopt or the child you bring along. They are hard to deal with when you're flying and I'd be surprised if you found taxis in Kyrgyzstan that had functional seat belts, so the car seats are worthless. I think I only saw two car seats the entire time I was there; both were used by Embassy employees. I don't think I ever saw car seats for sale in the country. (This was one reason I preferred walking with our children- it was much safer. I was never comfortable with my children bouncing around in the minibuses or taxis.) But overall it might be a good idea to take your other children with you.

Since we were living in Bishkek we obviously rented an apartment. I think this is a good option even for short term stays because it can be much less expensive and because it's nice to not have to eat out all the time. There are plenty of grocery stores all over the city (Narodnye, a well-stocked grocery store is everywhere) and cooking in an apartment really shouldn't be a problem.

I never used a credit card the entire time I was there and I use them almost exclusively in the US. ATMs aren't always a good option either. There are very few in Bishkek (although more are coming all the time) and even if you find one you can use, it might be out of money.

We boiled all our drinking water in Kyrgyzstan but knew people who didn't and were fine. The water usually tests fine but we didn't want to take any chances. Be careful when buying bottled water to make sure it's not carbonated (unless you like plain carbonated water). Outside Bishkek it may be difficult to find non-carbonated water (voda bez gaz). The water is much less likely to make you sick than the food! You really needn't worry too much about the water- it's easy to buy bottled or boil your own. There really is little you can do to avoid getting sick from the food. Usually you'll be fine, but even the most careful travellers get sick from the food.

In conclusion, go into an adoption in Kyrgyzstan with your eyes open. Anyone who says it's easy is selling something. Research your agencies. Learn about this wonderful country. And most of all, I hope that if you do choose Kyrgyzstan, you will be successful.

Organizations: Bishkek baby house

Countries: Kyrgyzstan

Kyrgyz police accuse foreigners of illegal child adoption

05/03-2009 14:35, Bishkek – News Agency “24.kg”, By Daniyar KARIMOV

Kyrgyz police have launched a criminal proceeding on illegal child adoption by foreigners in Bishkek, press service of the Kyrgyz Interior Ministry reported.

Countries: Kyrgyzstan, United States of America, Germany

Organizations: Bishkek baby house